Thought You Knew About the Team…

12 07 2013
If my team was looking for a motto, this would definitely be in the running... Photo Credit:

If my team was looking for a motto, this would definitely be in the running…
Photo Credit:

“How you mean, how you mean, thought you knew about the team, eh… That’s why I ask you how you mean, how you mean, thought you knew about the team.” – Drake, Cameras

You ever have those friends that when you tell people you’re going out with them, the looks you get back are synonymous with “oh, that’s gonna be trouble”? I recently realized I have a few of those – and luckily for me, they tend to be some of my besties. (Incidentally, my mom is just like this as well – her best friend forever is definitely the one you know will be right there in the midst of some ish if it goes down.)

Now, don’t get me wrong – this does not include all of my really good friends. In fact, some of my besties are about as non-trouble as you can get… but… the ones that are? Hahahahaha – let’s just say the look I get back when I say I’m going out with them is for a reason.

Crazy enough, I didn’t realize this before. But while out with a friend recently, I mentioned these names and some of the plans we have for the year, and his eyes raised quite suspiciously. “Y’all are trouble when you get together,” he said. I tried to defend us. I really did. But as soon as the words were about to come out of my mouth, I just shut up. Because honestly? We are trouble when together… and I realized I like it that way.

The thing about the trouble team is that they understand there’s a cone of no-judgment when you’re out together. You don’t have to worry about anyone wagging their fingers at you or giving you a lecture (at least not in the midst of things). You can make plans to do some hoe-ish and no one say anything besides “Just be safe!” And you can really get into a kissing session with some random guy¹ and not have to worry about them pulling you off of him (unless you just had major liquor goggles and they could tell he was an ugmeister).

Now, you may get clowned later for having some random dude feel all on your bootay, but it will be all in fun, make for good memories, and be a wonderful reason for everyone to bust out into R. Kelly’s song of the same name at any occasion as the perfect inside joke.

But that’s the beauty of the trouble friends in the first place! The chances for memories and laughter are endless, which means the opportunities for inside jokes are innumerable.

Look, even the best good girl wants to be a little bad sometimes. And when that’s the case – you need those friends that are gonna be down for the cause … and maybe a little Rihanna playlist to get you started.

Do you have a trouble team?

1 Or so I’ve heard…


The Double Standards of Sexting

6 05 2013


Oh sexting. The art of sending either “sexy” photos of your body or sexy thoughts in your mind through text message. It’s a phenomenon that doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

Now, we’ve all heard of the dangers of sexting — “You never know who else will see that text” tends to come up as a top reason. But I’d like to talk about something I don’t think is often discussed – the double standards of sexting.

I’m sure if I did an informal poll of my ladies, I’d find that a majority of them have received a penis picture from some guy at least once. And most of them would probably say that said picture(s) was usually sent unsolicited. But if I asked those same women how many sexts they’ve sent, chances are I’d get answers like “none” and “very few.”

But here’s the rub: we know that it simply can’t be true that no woman ever engages in sexting other than being on the receiving end – just like with actual sex, it typically takes two to Tango. BUT, I think women (overall, not every woman) tend to be a little more discerning about who gets the privilege. Of the exceptions, I’ve heard statements like “well only with my boyfriend of X years,” or “only because my boo was long distance – we had to keep it spicy,” or my favorite caveat of them all, “I only sent nondescript parts of my body through text.”

That’s a good amount of ways to basically say, now usually, I  don’t do this but, uhhhh… Yet, even though women have all these caveats, men keep sending their penises all willy nilly! What gives?!

Why are men so unafraid to send their junk to any Jane, June, or Jonquesha around, and women are so slow to admitting engaging in it at all? I mean, it’s not like you can say that a penis is a nondescript area, right? Penises, like snowflakes, are quite unique to each person. And even though I’ve only had sizable ones sent to me, it’s also not like every guy is packing an anaconda in his pants either, if you want to possibly say it’s the bragging factor going on. So again, what gives?!

I have a few theories, but I think the most important one is socialization. In the same way that men are socialized to think most guys have sex by 15 and women think they have to be virgins until they’re 38, men and women are socialized to think of their bodies and showing off their bodies differently.

So it’s not that big of a deal for a guy to send his goods around. I’m sure they know women share the photos as much as they do, but it’s not anything they’re ashamed of – mostly because it’s not like they’ll be called names like “whore” because of it. At worst, some girls might laugh, but at best – he’s enticed the one he sent it too and made her friends think about him as well.

That’s a win win, eat eat situation.

But for women, it’s not the same deal. At best, you’ve given the guy some good visuals – but at worst, you could ruin your reputation forever. Double-standardism at its finest.

Anyway, so that’s why I think so many women hesitate to admit participating in the sexting game. Maybe y’all can help me figure out why so many men are eager to, though. Thoughts?

The Art(??) of Approaching a Man

25 05 2011

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my #11 in my Eleven in ’11. Yes, the one where CCB mandated that I approach at least one guy for a date by 12/11/11. Yes, the one I’ve been dreading since she gave it to me – not because I think it’s wrong or anything (although I am a firm believer in a confidant man who can approach me wisely), but because I suck at purposely attracting male attention.

Do you guys remember when I spoke about my awful flirting habits and how I noted that when I don’t try to flirt, people think I’m a master at it, oh but when I try – disaster? Well the same can be said for approaching a guy. There’s been plenty of times when one could say I accidentally backed my way into approaching a guy, but now that I actually need/want to? I got nothing.

Now part of this is because I haven’t really been impressed by anyone living in the DC area lately. I mean, literally – outside of this guy I saw on a packed elevator one time at my job, there’s been no butterflies, no gushing, no uncontrollable smiley faces, no nothing. I’ve met guys that were kinda cute but didn’t really thrill me and I’ve met guys that were rude from jump, but no one that makes me say – hmmm, ok he’s got my attention.

The other part is that I have a wonderful knack of thinking of genius ideas AFTER its too late. For example, the other day, my co-workers took me to lunch for my birthday and the waiter was actually kind of attractive. He seemed nice and I figured, I’m in a ‘I can only seem to meet guys who live outside of DC’ slump, so I said to myself, “self – you should ask this guy out.”

And for the next hour and 1/2, I tried to figure out what the hell I could possibly say this to man without coming off desperate. Especially since I only thought he was kinda attractive – no one wants to get played by someone they’re not even that thrilled about, right? So I sat there and talked to my friends, and thought, and thought, and absolutely nothing came to me. Finally, I gave up.

It wasn’t until I got back to the office that I realized what I could have done. Dammit, I thought – another lost opportunity when it seems like the opportunities aren’t all that plentiful these days.

A similar situation happened at the club/bar this past Friday. I’m standing at the bar, talking to the bartender (who was again, kinda cute), and I realized ‘dude, this is your chance! Go for it!’ And this time, I even thought of what I could say at that moment and he’d lead me right to my possible statement within our conversation… And… It… Wouldn’t… Come… Out… Of… My… FREAKING… Mouth. It was like someone put a padlock on that blicky.

I just couldn’t do it.

And the conversation ended soon after.

Am I the only one who has this problem, girls? And if not – what’s your normal methods for approaching but still letting the guy feel like he’s the man? What about my fellas? What would be the ideal thing you’d like to hear a girl say to approach you for a date? Inquiring minds want to know…

Guys Get Fed-up Too…

26 07 2010

A couple years back, I met this really sexy fine, SWT having dude in the club in New York. I mean, the brutha had it going on with something kinda ugh… and randomly, his family was from New Orleans – which gave him all kinds of sexy style points in my book. (only a New Orleanian would randomly meet someone in New York whose family is from New Orleans lol) The crazy thing is that our connection almost never happened, and to this day I’m amazed that it did and amazed at how royally I effed it up.

On the particular night in question, I was pretty freakin’ drunk. I mean really really drunk. And anyone who knows me, understands that a really drunk D-Magic = one of two things: I’m either extra flirty/horny or extra extra emotional. This night hilariously produced both. At one point, towards the end of the evening, I found myself drunkenly texting Pimp C about how much I just realized I still loved Jake and that he was my “sole mate” <— yes, I spelled it that way, which means I was either that plastered or that this blog is on my mind way too much. I’ll go with the latter to make myself feel a little better.

Anyway, after texting back and forth with Pimp C (as to avoid spilling the beans to anyone else – namely Jake), my emotions somehow swelled into the most ridiculous and random fit of spastic tears ever at a club. Literally, everyone around me was either getting their mack on or p-popping on a handstand on the dance floor, and there I was balling my freaking eyes out. And this was right before I met said dude.

Somehow, between realizing I needed to get myself together and C-Murder going into den mother mode and telling everyone they needed to get the hell home right now, I swallowed my tears, shook off my emotions, straightened up my posture and turned around to see this gorgeous man smiling at me from the bar. Now, I don’t know if he saw what came before our encounter, but I would assume that he didn’t – because I would think he would have thought I was far too crazy to approach then.

And approach he did – after I hit him with the flirty smile and my one-finger come hither I was practicing due to my 9 in 09 goals set up in 2008 (wow that seems so long ago!). Clearly, the emotional drunk had flipped to the flirty drunk and D-Magic was in full swing. We talked for a few minutes (long enough for me to learn that he grew up in Cali, now lived in New York, and of course – his family was from New Orleans), I took his number (because I was being bold or something), and I left in just enough time to seem mysterious yet appealing – but I told him I would call him in a day once I got back to DC.

Which I meant to do, really. I had every intention on doing that… except that when I woke up the next day, most of my memory was revolved around the meltdown in the club… not the mackdown in the club. So a week and 1/2 went by before I ever remembered to call him. Let me tell you, he was less than enthused when I did. In fact, our conversation maybe lasted a minute and I knew when we got off the phone, I wouldn’t hear from him again. I also didn’t call back, because well… what’s understood ain’t gotta be explained. Lil Wayne.

The thing about that though was that as upset as I was initially, that didn’t last long because I realized that I would have done the very same thing had a guy tried to wait almost 2 weeks to call me back. Hell, I broke up with a guy because he didn’t call me for a week in high school (and hit him with this gem of a line “Toni Braxton wouldn’t take seven whole days and neither am I.” I tell you, I was always meant to be a writer LMAO!), so could I really be upset that a guy was no longer interested when I waited almost two? I couldn’t. And he had every right to be upset. I showed him with my actions where I placed him in my priorities and if you’re that far down in the beginning – it can only get worse from there.

That was also the time that I realized that guys get fed up just as much as girls do. Intrinsically, I knew that… but I’d never really experienced it until then. But that was my eye opener and it showed me that as a woman, I can’t take for granted that a guy won’t get his feelings hurt by my actions. That may sound simple, but a lot of women do it. We’ve been conditioned to almost believe that men are stone sometimes. They’re not. And it took a missed opportunity in New York a few years ago with some guy whose name I don’t quite remember to really bring that to light for me.

The List

24 06 2010

Most of us have one. Yours may be one line long or 35 lines long – but unless you’re a virgin – you’ve got one. Yep, I’m talking about the infamous sex list. Now, it’s very possible you’ve never written yours down, and for several different reasons. For example, if you’ve only had sex with one partner, well you probably don’t need to put your list on paper. Especially if you’re no longer with that person, that might be a bummer to see JOE BLACK on your paper and then nada. As well, if you can barely keep up with your body count or you think it may take more than one piece of paper, you may not want to actually write it.

Writing also requires that you know all their names. Pow! (That was definitely a hit to someone – don’t know who, but it hit home for some reader lol.)

But if neither of those things fit you – then you should have your list. If nothing more than just for shits and giggles. I have one. My close girls do too. You know how I know? It seems to come up during our excursions out of the country and across the country. We want to know if anyone has resurfaced on the list. Did they find themselves higher on the list than they initially were? Did someone completely fall off once perspective and time gave you the chance to really reevaluate their skills? Even if it’s not your thing to clown around with your peeps about it – it certainly helps in knowing what you want sexually from the next person.

Making a list, in essence, shows you what styles fit your needs best, what sexual things you can or cannot do without, and most importantly – if you have any deal breakers. Maybe you’ll recognize that based on your list, the top 3 guys all made a point to participate in multiple positions. Well, chances are that means you like that style. So what’s the best way to begin and complete your list? I’m glad you asked.

1. First, as I said before – it’s best to know all the names. At least know the nickname you gave each person. This obviously makes it easier to distinguish between “cute guy with a cute smile” and “FINE guy with a cute smile.” uhhhhh errr???

2. Take a moment to think back. For some of you, it may take longer than others – but still take the moment. Who’s the most memorable sexual partner for you? (in a good way, of course)… this person is probably number one for you, and then the list moves downward.

3. You may need more than one list. Okay, I know this sounds crazy – but I have two lists: a watermelon list and a sex list. Why, you ask? Because sometimes the guy who gives the best head is also the guy who lays it down the best, but not always. For example, my number 1 on both lists is the same… but guess what – number 2 on the watermelon list never even got the chance to have sex with me. Does that mean he doesn’t get some sort of recognition in my book? No ma’am. That man was too good to not be included! LOL

4. Lastly, make sure you include everyone. Girls – this means the dude that you only had sex with once. Yes, he does count. Even if he has a nubby – no excuses. And guys – the same thing goes for the ugmug you bedded with your Henny goggles that one night. Yep, she counts as well.

Alright dear readers – go ahead and complete your list. Was it hard? Were there any shockers you didn’t expect before filling it out?

Things I’ve learned about S.E.X.

21 04 2010

Let’s talk about sex, baby – let’s talk about you and me… let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things there may be – let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about SEX. ~ Salt N Pepa

In a few short weeks, your very own D-Magic will be the ripe old age of 27 and since I’ll be so old and wise, I figured I would impart some of my wisdom onto my fellow readers. (I hope that you have been reading long enough to catch my sarcasm here…) Anyway, the truth is a couple of my friends and I were talking the other day about things we’ve learned as we get older about our bodies and sex. I wanted to share with you all – because well, sharing is caring.

Here’s some things I know.

1. Your friends (your real close friends) always know when you get some new lovin’. Don’t ask me how; maybe there’s a signal that’s sent out over the airwaves or something. Either way, it’s truth. Don’t believe me? – remember this clip in Love Jones when Nina’s friend instantly knows something went down? She didn’t have to say a word. Her girl just knew. We’re good like that. (start at the 5:00 minute mark)

2. Staying on this clip for a second – you see how she says that his member spoke to her? It called her by her name – “Niiiina.” When you finally meet a guy who can make you feel like that sexually, that’s a jones for your arse. I’ve known many a women to stay in a sexual relationship with someone because their bodies spoke the same language. This is no diss, mind you – it’s just fact.

3. As a woman, I think you really know yourself sexually if you know what range in length and girth of a penis you like. I’m not saying that you have some kind of crazy deal breaker ideas about penis size, but I honestly think that the point at which you can say you know what you like, that’s how you know that you know your body. Until then, you’re still experimenting. Bonus points if you know what style you like – I think I’ve already made it clear what preference I have 🙂

4. Same goes for orgasms. If you’re still expecting the man to do all the work and MAKE you have an orgasm, I demand that you take a little time to put on some Trey Songz tonight and explore. You’ve got to know your body, ladies – and at least one thing that sets you off. Now, I’m not saying you should know everything – for what would be the fun in trying new positions and things if you knew exactly how it would make you feel, right? But one thing – you should at least know ONE thing.

5. Never believe everything Cosmo says. Don’t get me wrong – I love Cosmo! But uhhh some of the stuff that they recommend would get you punched in the face. So make sure your guy is down for some of their more taboo suggestions before you just go thrusting fingers and tongues in unexpected places lol.

6. Its 2010 and I can’t stand a man (or woman for the men and lesbians who read this blog) who still has crazy restrictions on what goes down in the boudoir. Listen, if a woman is letting you enter her body, I think it’s pretty rude of you to be like, nah babe I don’t get down with that watermelon ish. The hell you don’t!!! Nobody is asking for supahead type activities where you go for hours, prompting symptoms such as lockjaw and the such – but I believe that Lauryn Hill said it best when she asked for just a little bit of reciprosity. 🙂

What do you all think? Did I miss any?

I’m a FLIRT…

4 12 2009

…but not really though. Don’t get me wrong – I remember our discussion about the definitions of flirting and acknowledging that it’s best performed when done naturally and instinctively.  But here’s the thing – I also remember admitting at the end of the post, that I suck at flirting when it comes to guys I’m actually interested in. How’s that for flirting 101?

I mean – really, a girl (that’d be me) accused of being one of the bigger flirts that her friends know, can’t flirt with the dude she likes? Wheretheydothatat? I don’t know – but it’s not something new and I’m concerned that if I don’t do something about it, it won’t be going away anytime soon. I’ve never perfected the wink (I just look cuh-razy), I don’t know how to wistle or blow bubble gum, and I can’t flirt when it really counts.

What I can do is have 20 minute conversations with a store owner every time I see him, have him throw something free in my bag each time (unprovoked!!!!) and still not influence him to ask me for my phone number. What I can also do is kiss this amazingly cute guy who I had a crush on for years and come for air, with the loudest “whew!” to ever grace a woman’s lips… seriously Jill Scott [in Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married?] would have been embarrassed. And let’s not forget the time I let liquid courage influence my flirting skills or sigh, the time I stepped out there with the one-finger come hither move, juuuust to realize I’d put too many numbers in my phone when getting his digits.

Seriously y’all – the more I think about it… I pretty much royally suck at flirting! I can hold a conversation and I mean, every girl knows how to bite their lip ever so slightly or tilt their head in one direction, but the real stuff – the big league stuff, sigh, let’s face it – I’m clearly quite amateur. I can’t even get the cute ethnic white guy at the store to ask me for my phone number!!!! So why is it that I have so many misguided friends who think differently, you may ask? Yeah – I dont know either. You’d have to ask them, and chances are, they probably wouldn’t be able to really answer you. They’d say something like, “she just is,” which when you think about it – gives absolutely no credit to their argument. Like. none.

Either way, my goal for this December is to get better. Do better, I say! I probably won’t finish all of my 9 in ’09 by the end of the year (although I did get a lot of them done – so don’t be too mad)… but I figure if I can improve on the purposeful flirting skills – that’s got to count for one of the 9 that I miss…………. right? Right. So there it is – I’m going to improve on the flirting skills, put myself out there, learn how to wink (well, maybe not – some things are just impossible)… and maybe, juuuuuuuuuuuust maybe, get this guy to go from giving me free stuff out of his store to asking me on a date!

I’ll let you know you how that goes! (cross your fingers though – cuz this Christmas leengerie that I kinda went crazy on this year has got to be seen by more than just me lol)