What if We All Spoke in Song Lyrics for a Day?

29 01 2014
Photo: susannahartigan.com

Photo: susannahartigan.com

Have you all seen any of the videos of the woman who walks into Best Buy and uses only song lyrics to speak to people? It’s truly one of the funniest video series I saw in 2013 and a testament to Ellen’s genius. But it’s obviously meant to show how crazy it would be if we all talked in the way that our favorite songs do.

Except, that got me to thinking, well what if we all actually did talk in only song lyrics for a day? The twist being that it could only be songs on your most recent playlist, not necessarily the most popular songs out right now. Wouldn’t that be the most interesting experiment to watch unfold?

Can’t you just see it now? A woman going up to a guy spitting Tupac’s Hit Em Up and the guy responding with Dru Hill’s Five Steps?? Ha! Besides the funny aspect, it would also give us an awesome glimpse into what that person is currently thinking in their heads.

You know how you always hear folks say things like, “I wish I knew what he was thinking right now,” or “I wish girls were more transparent with their feelings”? Well, here’s the perfect opportunity to do so.

Why? Well, I’ve always believed that music is a great truth teller of your inner emotions. If you’re in the mood to feel inspired, you may put on some Gospel. If you’re feeling particularly rowdy and feisty, it might be some Aerosmith you reach for instead. Feeling like no one believes in you and you want to show them something, you may just turn on some Drake Started from the Bottom or Worst Behavior. In the mood to get a little frisky with your boo-thang, Miguel or Beyonce’ might be on your playlist.

Either way, you see where I’m going here. Rarely ever does someone’s personal playlist serve as an opposite emotion of what they are currently feeling. The exception being if you’re feeling down about something and you pick upbeat music to help get your psyche back up.

What do you all think? Could this experiment work in real life? I think it would certainly be pretty eye opening for some folks. Only concern is how awful would you feel if you called your dude up, singing something like “It’s like I can feel. It’s like I can breathe. It’s like I can live. It’s like I can love for the first time” and he responded with “I’m a player. Girl I thought you knew. When you started messing around with me, you knew I wouldn’t commit to you.” EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Maybe we shouldn’t do this after all lol.

Interested in learning what some of my song lyrics would be? See below for a small spattering from my current playlist.

“Baby, in our wildest moments, we could be the greatest, we could be the greatest.”

“Before I met you, I never knew my heart could dance.”

“Baby, it’s a prime time for our love. Ain’t nobody peaking but the stars above.”

“Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long.”

“Because I’m happy… clap along if you know what happiness is to you.”

“I wonder what would happen if you say what you want to say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I want to see you be brave!”

What would be your top 5 right now?

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The Different Styles of Flirting

13 01 2014
Photo: Seventeen.com

Photo: Seventeen.com

I’ve admitted to you all previously that I have sometimes been called a flirt. And what always unsettled me about this characterization was that whenever I actually tried to say something flirty, I massively tanked at it.

Like MASSIVELY tanked at it.

Like, think about some of your most awkward moments ever in trying to flirt with someone. And multiply that times about 6.

You still don’t believe me? Well, here’s a perfect example. One night early last year, I ran into a guy I’d had a flirty past with before at a party. Well, some dranks and liquid courage later, I came up with the bright idea that I was going to say something extra sexual and flirty to him just to see if I could peak his interest again. I’m not quite sure why I wanted to do this, because we never did anything ever but date and flirt previously, but I was feeling extra spicy that night — so there you go. Anyway, I walk up to said dude. He gives me a wink, because he’s one of those guys who thinks he’s cooler than he is. We side hug and then stand there in the hug for a bit and I casually whisper in his ear, “So listen, I think you still owe me like 5 things. And you should probably pay what you owe.”

Of course, now he’s interested, right? But even more of course, I have absolutely not thought this all the way through and have no idea where I’m going with the rest of this statement. “Oh really, and what do I owe you exactly?”

“Well, if memory serves me correctly, I beat you fair and square in at least 3 bets — so you owe me the residuals of those bets.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” he says. “What else?”

“And I believe we also mentioned sometime ago something about a tour of your new house. So you owe me that as well.”

“Okay, that’s four things. All valid. What’s the fifth?” Now, he’s really intrigued, and I think he’s ready to see just how far I’m going to take things especially since I’ve now brought up the possibility of us being alone in his house. Will I say something about touring his bedroom? Or anything even remotely funny, witty, or intriguing? Nope… not this time.

Instead, I counter with this gem.

“Oh the fifth? You still owe me a chance to get to know how your Chapstick feels.”

What? I mean, really…… what??!

Talk about a flop.

For his part, dude actually tried to give me a chance at landing my shot again. “Wait, I don’t think I heard you over all the noise, what did you say?”

Oh, dude — if only. And if only I’d taken his chance and used it for good instead of repeating said craptastic line.

I obviously repeated the craptastic line.

To which he replied with awkward laughter and just said, “haha right. That too.”

Needless to say that didn’t go very well. And I still never got a tour of the house.

So you can see how I would be a little hesitant to take on such a haughty title like flirt when things like that can spew out of my mouth at any time. That is until I realized that while I suck in flirting with words, I am a master at body flirting. Oh yea, I said master. Body flirting is my juuush. I’ve been known to make a Black man blush just by looking at him in a certain way and biting my lower lip. And I don’t mean a really light-skinned Black man. I mean a brown-skinned brotha.

Yep, that’s me.

Now when I realized this, that’s when I also realized I’d been thinking of flirting in all the wrong one dimensional ways before. There’s at least four different styles of flirting I could think of off-hand, and while one of them is not my thing, I think I’m pretty great at the other three. Here they are:

With words: This one is obvious, right? If you’re someone who’s really witty and can come up with one-liners or someone who has the uncanny ability to say two lines and get a man/woman to want you with all their being — this is your thang. Go you!

With your body: Whether it’s with your eyes, the crinkle of your smile, the placement of your hands on their anything, or the ability to use body-space to your sexual advantage, if you can seduce someone without having to say a word… yep, the body flirting is the thing for you.

The friendly flirt: You know how some people say things like, “Everyone always thinks I’m flirting but I’m just friendly!” Yea, no — you’re not. I know this, because I fall into this category too. What you may naively think is being friendly (when you’re younger), you’ll soon realize is flirting when you take a step back and evaluate. Notice how people only think you’re being overly friendly with the guy you happen to think is cute? That’s for a reason boo. Chances are you’re putting a little extra mojo in that friendly bit of yours.

The texting/social media/email flirt: This is that new age ish, but don’t get it twisted — it certainly deserves its own category. As confusing as tone can be when you’re not actually in front of someone, when you can effectively pull off a flirty interaction with someone over either of these mediums with no miscommunication involved, you’re a mack. At least in the new media world — but a mack is a mack, so embrace it.

What about you all? Any styles of flirting you think I missed? And would you consider yourself good at flirting? If so — which category do you fall into?





A Friend of a Friend Type of Gal

20 07 2011

In my recent attempts to get to 11 dates by the end of this year (still sitting at 4 as of now, grrrrr), I’ve had a few occasions where I’ve attended what folks like to now call ‘mixers.’ Sometimes they’re labeled as networking mixers for particulars careers or colleges, other times they’re labeled much more honestly – single’s mixer.

And yet, there’s only been one time I’ve ever actually met someone who piqued my interest enough to go on a couple dates. The other times? Eh, mixed results… for various reasons, including not being attracted to anyone, not having my attention held by those I was attracted to, and most importantly feeling like I was at some mixture of a job fair in a bar and totally not being in the mood to schmooze.

You know what I mean. Conversations like this:

Guy: Oh, where are you from?

Me: Oh OK, I’m from New Orleans.

Guy: And what school did you go to?

Me: Yeah, I went to Howard too.

And lest we forget, the question every DC-ite has heard a gazillion times… So what do you do?

Me: Oh, I’m a writer. No, I don’t work for a newspaper. Nope you won’t see me on TV. I’ve written for a couple magazines and a few websites… Yes, I’m telling the truth when I say I’m a writer lol.

It all gets a little worn out after awhile.

But put me in a group of friends or people who are friends of friends and I’m on fiyah! I’m like Dylan #MTB joke. I’m telling stories, making folks laugh, and just all around having a good time. And more times than not, that usually leads to a phone number exchange, a Facebook friend request, and/or a date.

So why can’t I do the same when I’m trying or when I’m going to something with that intent? I think it goes back to my problem with flirting. As you’ll recall, many of my friends consider me to be a big time flirt, but only when I’m doing it subconsciously. When I’m actively trying to flirt, they’ll tell you that it doesn’t go over well.

At. All.

Which has lead me to conclude that I’m a friend of a friend kinda girl. That’s how I tend to meet people. Sure there have been a few exceptions, but for the most part – that’s where I strive. Its my comfort zone. (Which basically means that more of my friends need to have random friend gatherings between now and December 11th. Really.)

Anyway, I think most people tend to have a comfort zone when it comes to meeting potential datees. What are some of the ones for you all?





Love Languages 101

31 03 2011

This past weekend, I took two tests geared towards informing me of my love languages. Now, these tests are not new, so forgive my lateness in addressing them… but I felt it was an interesting enough topic to address (and let’s face it, get me back to writing on the blog. I’ve missed CVS!).

So what is a love language and why should you know yours? Glad you asked. Your love language is basically the way in which you receive and express love/appreciation. Or as Gary Chapman’s website puts it:

After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

According to Chapman, there are 5 such languages: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, and Receiving Gifts. The test, in essence, forces you to prioritize these 5 laguages through a series of questions so that when you’ve completed it, they are able to tell you which of these is most important to you, which is the least, and everything in between.

If, for example, you score the highest with Physical Touch, it would mean that someone holding your hand, cuddling with you, hugging you, or any other form of touching shows to you how much they care. It would also mean that this is the way you express your love/appreciation for others. And lastly, it will most likely explain why you don’t feel appreciated by someone if physical touch is not something they participate in often or with enthusiasm. Remember though, the languages are prioritized… so even if receiving gifts is last for you, this doesn’t mean it’s not important… Just not as much as the rest are.

There are a few different tests you can take, with the possibility of different results. There’s within a couple, between your friends and family, within a parent/child relationship and in the form of apology. I took the tests for in a couple relationship and amongst my family and friends (titled “wife” and “singles”, respectively) and found some pretty interesting results. First off, I found out that what I value and give regarding appreciation and love is different amongst my family/friends and my partner. For example, while physical touch is very important to me in a couple relationship, it’s not as important with my family and friends.

On the surface, that may seem a bit strange, but in reality – it makes sense. I’ve spoken before about the importance of cuddling, holding hands and things like rubbing my hair/head in a relationship. Yet, when it comes to my family and friends, friends most especially, I tend to equate physical touch with sadder times. Like when a friend goes to give you a hug because you look like you’re about to cry. Because I don’t like crying, and a hug in that moment would only spur on the crying, the physical touch becomes something I steer away from.

However, Quality Time is essential to my family/friend relationships. Chapman describes quality time as not only being in the presence of that person, but also having their undivided attention. He says, “Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.”

And while that language gets an average score in my boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, my love language for that partnership is Words of Affirmation.

It’s all very interesting and brings about a few questions. Chapman mentions that he noticed most people are drawn to folks with different love languages and when taking inventory on my past relationships, I can say that he’s right. But why is that? Why would I be drawn to someone who’s love language is Acts of Service (doing something for them) when that’s at the bottom of my list on both tests? And why would someone else who’s love language is Physical Touch be drawn to someone who needs to give and Receive gifts? If this is the case for most people, it could be why we so often feel like women and men speak different actual languages (Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars, anyone?). What do you all think?

PS. Here’s how my tests panned out. Take a minute (well, really about 10 minutes for each test) to take your assessment and let me know what yours says? Is it what you thought it would be? Why or why not?

D-Magic’s Couple Relationship Assessment (12 being the highest you can get…)

12 Words of Affirmation
6 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
2 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

D-Magic’s Friend/Family Relationship Assessment (12 being the highest you can get…)

6 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
6 Receiving Gifts
2 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch

 





If you could have relationship super powers…

28 02 2011

What would they be?…

So – along with the ballroom dancing that occurred while I was drugged up at the dentist, I also had a dream/vision where I was a  relationship superhero. (Superwoman by Alicia Keys came on. Don’t judge me.)

I laughed that vision off soon after it happened as just one more reason why I don’t do drugs, but the other day – it came to me again. Hmmm, I thought. It would totes be fun to be a relationship super hero!

I could be like the girl version of Clark Kent… an unsuspecting, demure woman during the day (sans glasses) but fierce diva hero at night (or really, any time someone needed help with his/her relationship). Can’t you see it now?

It’s a bird. It’s a plane! NO! It’s D-Magic, gic, gic, gic, gic!!!! (That’s my echo…)

Now, I could probably wax on for hours about what my outfit would look like… I mean, I did see it after all… But let’s get to the nitty gritty. What what I be able to do? Well, for starters, I’d have the power to help you determine whether that person you are feeling is feeling you back.

I mean, that is pretty essential to the relationship process, right?

But I’d need more than that, of course. I’d also have the power to show you whether or not you and this fool the lovely person you’re dating are on the same chapter in your books. Follow me, if you will…

Date 1: Girl wants someone to have fun with. Guy is looking for a wife. Both think they’re on the same page. So, in flies D-Magic to stop these two before they ruin each other for the actual person they’re supposed to be with.

or Date 2: Guy thinks he’s going to get some tonight. Girl isn’t even sure if this is a date. D-Magic to the rescue to let them both know where each person stands.

Or how about having the power to temporarily shut down the phone of the drunk dialer or the person who’s calling one last time before (s)he gives up on that guy/girl they like? That would be pretty freakin’ awesome!

the power to read minds…

to spot out cheaters…

to figure out if that person really means it when he/she calls you boo-snacks or babygirl… or if he/she is just a charmer.

to make play dates awesome and STI’s a thing of the past – this would be great!!!

And I’d be so much better and more powerful than that Cupid character who just goes shooting his arrow any old where just like a man.

What do you all think? I’d be a great super hero, right? And what about you? What powers would you want? We could combine like the Power Rangers!





What’s YOUR dating philosophy?

21 01 2011

He's thinking... he's thinking... he's.... THINKING.

A couple weekends ago, I had a very interesting conversation with Pimp C about dating and the ways that we (by we, I mean, women) go about dating. Our consensus was that there are two basic philosophies one can follow when dating: 1) date multiple people at one time and let nature take its course in showing you who or if any of them should stick around for a longer amount of time*, or 2) date only one person at a time, giving that person your fully, undivided attention.

That’s not the interesting part, though.

What we discussed and learned about ourselves was that even in times when we claimed we were following the first philosophy, our desire was really and truly in following the second. For example, you could be dating three guys at one time, but if you call two of them “distractions” and one of them, “your baby”… chances are, you’re physically following the first philosophy, but mentally and emotionally following the second. In this situation, the other 2 guys don’t realistically have a chance in your eyes, they’re just mechanisms to keep you from falling for the one you really want too soon. And thus, you’re not actually letting nature take its course in showing you who should stick around.

I can admit that I’ve done that before. Heck, I can admit that I’m probably doing that now… but, the question is – how does one go about changing her (or his, for my male readers out there who may have a similar problem) dating philosophy OR should you even try to change it at all?

You could argue that your dating philosophy is a reflection on how you view relationships. If you’re a person who loves hard, it may not be as easy for you to date more than one person at a time. I’m not saying you won’t try, but that whole succeeding thing might be difficult. And if you are a person who loves hard, should you have to force yourself to date multiple people just so that you don’t feel like you wasted your time in a relationship if it happens to go wrong?

Questions… so many questions.

In the reverse argument of that, maybe the reason you love so hard is because you’ve never allowed yourself to “play the field,” so to speak. You find one guy, you realize that you like him, and whether subconsciously or consciously, you start planning little details like whether or not your first name will fit with his last before you’ve even gone on your third date. One could argue that if you were dating more than one person, you might not fall so fast for that one guy who makes you smile. Heck, you’ve got three guys who make you smile!

Per usual, I think I’m on the fence of both (and that’s not necessarily a good thing… actually I’m pretty sure it’s a bad thing, really, but hey – what can you do lol). The only other time that I’ve dated multiple guys at one time was in 2007 when I’d genuinely met 4 guys I was interested in and genuinely was giving all 4 a chance, or at least I thought I was. It didn’t take long, though, before 4 got weeded down to 1, and in a month’s time… I found myself right back in dating philosophy #2. That wasn’t a bad thing, per se, but the process happened a lot quicker than one might normally think for someone who was truly following the “I’m doing my thang, just having fun, and seeing where the wind blows” philosophy.

The truth is that in less than a month’s time, I’d gone from being attracted to four guys, enjoying conversations with four guys, and making plans with four guys, to only having eyes for one. If I were really following the first dating philosophy, I would have kept dating the other guys, right? But I didn’t… I felt that I couldn’t. I only wanted to get to know him. And I wasn’t being honest with myself – I was a #2 philosophy girl perpetrating as a #1.

As for now, I’m working on being a #1 philosophy girl**… I’m meeting different people and letting things develop as they will. But there’s a part of me that knows that, in truth, I’m always going to be a #2 philosophy girl. Even when I’m dating multiple people, there’s always going to be just that one guy who brings out the school girl in me just by seeing his name come up on my phone or by hearing his ring tone, and while I may have fun with those other guys – they still have no real chance.

What about you all? What’s your dating philosophy? And have you tried to alter it… does that work? Or are you like a dog trying to chase his tail; just looking stupid and tiring yourself out for no reason. Again, questions… so many questions.

* I think most guys tend to practice this philosophy, I could be wrong… but I wouldn’t bet money that I am. And yes, I know there are exceptions; that’s why I said “most.”

** Before anyone asks, I’m working on this because I think my college “dating life” and the couple years right after have put me behind in actual dating experience. I’ll go into this further in a post coming soon, but needless to say – there’s a part of me that feels that right now, I should be dating as many people as possible so that I can really get a sense of what I do and don’t want out of relationships. Then there’s the other part that gets giggly when I hear There Goes my Baby by Usher playing on my phone. le sigh…





Watch out for that…oooh!

20 09 2010

Years ago, my junior year in college to be exact, I went home for Christmas break determined to have a fun-filled dating life during the month of December. I’d ended my relationship time with BJ a month before then and was ready to get out there and see what the N.O. had to offer to me as an adult (all of 19 years old, mind you lol). So within less than 5 days of being back home, I was out on my first date with this really cute guy. I was young, so at the time – I didn’t really have dating expectations, so when he suggested we go to see a movie and then maybe dinner afterward, I was all for it.

Our first mistake was deciding to go see Man on Fire the opening weekend. I won’t ruin the movie for anyone who’s never seen it, but let me just say that’s it by far one of the worst movies you could use for a date. By the time the movie was over, we walked out of the theater so depressed and shaken – I almost wanted to end the date there. Then I looked at the cute guy sitting in the driver seat and immediately changed my mind. We went to dinner and things only got worse. Everything was “what do you want,” or “I think we should do whatever you want,” or “you tell me,” or “I agree with whatever you say.” WHAT?!

I felt like I was on a date with myself.

I’m not saying you should disagree with everything I say, but damn – please, have an opinion. As soon as I got home, I got on AIM (that’s when folks still used AIM), saw BJ was on there and told him how I’d just finished a date with what I now call a “Yes guy.” We laughed about how that was one description no one could ever give him and a month later – we were back involved. I still blame getting back with BJ on that guy in New Orleans. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyway, that guy is only one example of a dude you should watch out for when you’re in the dating game. Sometimes you can feel like George of the Jungle, trying to maneuver and not hit walls while you’re flying from ropes – so to help you with that, here are some guys I think you should watch out for. Feel free to add on as necessary.

The Yes MAN

The guy in New Orleans was the epitome of a Yes man. He had no opinion of his own, or at least not one that he wanted to share with me, and he made the classic mistake of thinking that if he agreed with everything I said – I would think we had a lot in common. Instead, I just thought he was the most boring person I’d ever dated. No one likes yes people as friends, so why would you want to date that kind of person. Half way through the date, I almost started to just make up random ish like “I think all men should have to wear shirts with their penis size on them for the first date” just to see if he agreed with me. (Wait – that might not be a bad idea, though… hmmmm.)

The Emotionally Needy guy

Okay, before I get flanked for this, I don’t mean a guy who shows you his emotions. I’m OK with that, in fact – I think it’s infinitely better than the guy you have to pull out information from. I mean the guy who wants to belabor topics over and over and over and make things emotional that are not. We shouldn’t have to have a conversation about why I don’t want you to spend the night tonight. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you anymore. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want us to date anymore. It just probably means that I want the bed to myself and I don’t want to have a 2 hour conversation about why I don’t want to hear you snore in my ear 7 nights out of the week.

The Avoider

There’s nothing like a guy who avoids anything that may possibly seem like a conflict – gotta love him, right? This guy will actively avoid everything from making a decision about what you should do that night to when it’s all over, breaking up with you. The funny thing is that most avoiders don’t realize that they’re so transparent. If it seems like we disagree on something and you all of a sudden never bring that topic up again or hurry up and change the subject any time it seems like it may come up, you make the conflict bigger than it would have been if you simply acknowledged it and moved on. I don’t agree with everything my friends believe in – but that’s the beauty of having different minds. We can intelligently discuss different topics and still go out for drinks after with no problems. The avoider doesn’t get this.

The Sob Story

This is the guy who tells you way too early on how he’s been hurt by every woman who he’s ever been with. And by way too early on – I mean, like before the appetizers arrive for your meal or before you receive your tickets at Dave and Buster’s. I don’t know if he thinks sympathy will make you want to make him feel better or make you actively ensure you’re different from the other girls, but either way – it becomes very taxing for the woman. You’re stuck in this date where you partly feel like you have to show him that you’re different but you also feel like, “I don’t have to show him ISH!” It’s too much for a date and makes this guy someone you definitely want to avoid. Plus, dates are supposed to be fun and the sob story guy certainly knows how to suck the fun energy out of any date – even one at an amusement park.

What say you ladies? Can you think of any other guys we should inform our sisters of to make sure they don’t crash into? And guys, what’s are some women you find men should steer far away from?