What Men My Age Can Learn from Younger Guys

19 06 2013
Okay... maybe not this young though lol Photo Credit: www.mobileapples.com

Okay… maybe not this young though lol
Photo Credit: http://www.mobileapples.com

I don’t know what’s going on lately; if there’s some kind of cosmic turn of events occurring. Or if this is just what happens when women get close to and/or turn 30. But my girls and I are steadily being approached by younger men these days.

And when I say younger, I don’t mean 28. I mean, 22 to 25.¹

That’s crazy, right?

These guys are barely legal – and yet, for some reason, they are super into… well, us lol. But there’s also something else I’ve noticed about them – they lack nothing in the confidence department. And honestly, they can be quite a bit of fun if you get past the whole I could totally be your cool aunt thing.

I guess when I really think about it, this is nothing new. It’s just the prevalence now that seems to be a bit jarring.

I’ve had friends who’ve dated younger guys before, and really, so have I (although some have worked out better than others). But never this young! In fact, so many of us have at least attempted to be involved with a younger guy in one way or another that we’ve created a nickname for them at this point: 12 year olds. I know – it sounds kind of pervy. But it’s funny and works when you account for the fact that they may as well be 12 because of the difference in our ages. Plus, it works to make light of something some might be uncomfortable with.

What the nickname doesn’t do, however, is explain why so many of these younger guys have been more exciting, more in tune with our needs and desires, and much more willing to let pretenses fly out the window and just enjoy the time spent together than the people our own age.

Is it that we don’t really believe it will go anywhere so we allow ourselves to just enjoy the moment, thereby having more fun with the younger guy than someone our age? Or is it something else outside of us that has continued to draw us not just to them, but also to being tempted by them?

I’d venture to guess it’s more about their attitude than anything else. If you’re attempting to date, sex, or just basically be in the presence of someone you know has, at the very least, probably more life experience than you – you’ve gotta have some pretty big cahones on you. And we all know there’s not too much sexier to a woman than confidence. Confidence + a great smile and an “I don’t care how old you are, I can still make you scream my name if I want to” orange aura? I mean, let’s be real, that’s enticing to even the most practical woman out there.

I’m not sure how good these younger guys are for anything besides good times, but maybe that’s what they have over some of the 30-35 year olds we meet. Everything isn’t so serious. It’s fun and exciting. And in the end, that’s what dating is supposed to be about anyway, right? Fun times. If you can find the fun with someone, you can probably find yourself wanting other things as well.

1 My younger sisters are 18 and 23, so it’s extra weird for me.


Twelve in ’12 RECAP!

4 01 2013


Happy New Year Pumpkins!!! I totally hadn’t had a chance to say that yet to you guys, but I truly hope this first week has gone well for you and will be an indicator of great days to come.

And since I also hadn’t given you all an update on my progress from last year’s 12 goals, I’ll do that before we continue forward in the new year.

If you recall, my friends and I have taken to coming up with goals each year that correspond with the last 2 digits of that year. So there was Nine in ’09, Eleven in ’11, and then Twelve in ’12. For some reason, we skipped 2010. Oh wells. Anyway, here’s a recap on how well I did or didn’t do:

1.       Find another hobby outside of writing: Right. So this one didn’t go so well. I dabbled in a couple things, like hgtv-ing (meaning doing some home improvements, sewing, etc…) and even kind of got into taking some photos (for my job), but nothing really stuck. I have enjoyed the photography part, but I still think that’s a little too close to writing for my liking… I want to find something outside of the journalism/communications range. So I still have some work to do on this one. I also never made it to that painting class, so maybe there’s still some luck on that one.

2.       Do something for fun on my own at least once a month: COMPLETED! Some months were much harder than others, but somehow I managed to actually do this every month. Unfortunately, sometimes it kind of felt like a chore. I’d get to the 25th day of the month and remember I had to do something for myself and try to cram something in at the last minute. So you know, there’s still work to be done lol.

3.       Finish the decorative ideas I haven’t completed in my apt, such as covering the floor pillows, putting up more photos, etc…:
Not quite completed, but I did a lot more than I’d done before. I covered the pillows in my bedroom, started covering some of the pillows in my living room, and put up shelves in my dining room. I still need to cover the floor pillows and put up curtains in my bedroom, but I’d say I’m about half way there to making my place feel more like home. Now, I just need to get rid of some stuff…

4.       Lose another 20-25 lbs: Yea, so this one didn’t go so well. I lost about 13 at one point, and then unfortunately gained it all back. Le sigh.

5.       Complete the next step of the book process – find an agent: Not completed yet, but I’m getting closer. I can feel it y’all. I’ve revamped my book proposal and sent it off to some folks for feedback and I’ve gotten back to working on the book after getting discouraged a bit last year.

6.       Make a point to attend church at least once a month: Okay, so I didn’t make it EVERY month, but I made it like 90% of the time, and some months, I went a couple times, so I’m going to give myself a COMPLETED on this one.

7.       Increase savings by $3000: HA! Massive failure… one day y’all. One day.

8.       Learn French to the point that I can hold at least a beginning conversation: Well, I’d gotten really good at this earlier in the year. In fact, I did hold some conversations in French when I went to Paris, albeit very very short conversations. But since then, I haven’t taken the time to study as much as I should. Still, I’m getting there… so I’m going to say PARTIALLY COMPLETED on this one.

9.       Take at least 2 trips that are not for someone else: COMPLETED! I went to Atlantic City and London and Paris (just because I wanted to, not because I had to do something when I got there). I’m trying to continue this one this year with plans to go to Chicago and do a road trip through Cali that ends in Vegas (but I also have SEVERAL obligation trips this year, so we’ll see what happens.)

10.   Do a bi-monthly podcast for the blog: Massively COMPLETED! I even managed to do more than a bi-monthly podcast; it came out almost every month once I got it started. I may scale it back to a bi-monthly for 2013, but this has been a huge success.

11.   With dating especially, work towards just enjoying the moment and not over-analyzing everything (except for blog purposes):
COMPLETED! This was one of the more important goals for me and I think, largely, I managed to make it work. There were, of course, times when it was harder to not over-analyze, but I always had this goal in the back of my mind and it pretty much set me straight throughout the year. It felt really good by the end of the year to begin making decisions that I was at peace with and also noticed that I wasn’t beating myself up over things that didn’t work out.

12. Each month, watch one movie about the black experience or with a black cast made before 2000s: OMG! This was so hard!!! You can’t begin to imagine how depressing so many black experience movies are. Le sigh. Anyway, I missed October, but I watched Shaka Zulu in December and that should count for 3 months. COMPLETED!

Looks like I didn’t do too badly. How was your 2012? And what are you looking forward to in 2013?

For a more detailed report, feel free to read Twelve in ’12 at your leisure.

The Practice of Practice Dating

12 09 2012


If you listened to the most recent Girl Talk podcast, you probably noticed at the very end of the conversation that CCB mentioned the concept of practice dating. We were running out of time, so we didn’t get a chance to expound on that podcast, but I figured, let’s go ahead and talk about it here.

Soooo… practice dating. For those who have never used the term or who don’t think they’ve ever done it, I suppose the best way to describe it is to say that it’s the practice of going on dates with people to either get yourself back in the dating game or how CCB uses it, to act as a rebound buffer for the next guy.

The idea behind practice dating is quite simple – you are using someone as practice so that you’re better prepared for when someone else comes along who you’re way more excited about. Now, I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. And a lot of guys do it. But so do a lot of women. Probably a lot more than will readily admit it.

But even if you wanted to make it sound more flowery and say that it’s main purpose is to help you become a better dater, you still have to at some point encounter the question of it’s okay to actually put into practice. And if you think it’s not, then what do you say about those times when people inevitably do it without realizing it?

I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve practiced dating with some guys, knowingly and otherwise. I’ve gone out on dates with guys knowing that the guy had a pretty small chance of this actually going somewhere. I’ve gone out on dates with guys just to get myself back out into the dating game. Heck, I even told you all the other day that I’ve dated folks for months who barely produced the tiniest sliver of excitement in me.

But you know what else I’ve realized? Every time I’ve attempted to practice date someone knowingly (yes, I used it as a verb), the situation has gone horribly. One time, I met this guy on a bus to Philly and he was cute enough and nice enough and chatty enough that when he asked me for my phone number, I gave it to him. And then when he asked me if we could go on a date when we both got back to DC, I told him yes.

This guy ended up being a huge thorn, y’all. Not only did the date suck, (well non-date, he was running so late that I left the place) but then he proceeded to call me constantly and text me at very early hours in the morning and when I asked him to stop, he professed his love for me. Yes, you read right. The guy I’d met once on a bus felt like he loved me and we should get married.

And that’s just an example of a time I knowingly tried to use a guy as a practice date. There have been times when I’ve looked up as I’m actively dating someone and realized that even though the guy was alright and we had some good moments, I was subconsciously using this experience to better prepare myself for the next guy. You know, doing things like becoming more comfortable with cuddling so that when I’m with someone I really like, I won’t repel from his cuddly arms. (Y’all know my cuddle aversion has been real at times, especially when it involves guys who are not my boyfriend.) And you know what happened with that guy? He turned out to be a major jerk who not only didn’t congratulate on me on my new job, but also decided the night I told him about the job was the perfect time for him to tell me I was a ball-buster (oh, but he still wanted to be with me). Ugh.

Now maybe others have had better experiences than that (truthfully, I have as well, but those two stick out for me), but to me – it just showed me that I shouldn’t have entertained these guys in the first place when I either knew my only interest was in using him to be better prepared for the next guy or when I realized that was the case.

What do you all think, though? Have you every practiced practice dating? Would you if knew for sure you wouldn’t get a crazy stalker person who wanted to marry you after one date?

Why Lunch Dates are Freakin Awesome!!!

4 06 2012

The other day, I was emailing CCB (like we always do) and a conversation ensued about the extreme awesomeness of lunch dating. It came up kinda randomly, but immediately we both insisted on how great they were. The conversation went a little something like this:

D-Magic: Lunch dates are the best!

CCB: They seriously are the best (if they go well), and they magically make the rest of your day bearable, no matter how busy you are.

D-Magic: Exactly. I mean, if a guy wants to see you in the middle of the day while at work, that’s a very good sign.

CCB: It’s a good sign for both of us, because we both know I tend to shop or work through lunch.  It takes a lot to trump shopping, lolol.

That was all I needed to begin thinking of reasons for why lunch dates were probably in the top 5 of the dating category. So without further ado – my reasons:

It shows a strong desire to see that person

I don’t know about your job, but mine very rarely lends itself to carefree lunch hours. Usually, I’m either eating something quickly at my desk while I work or running out to get something to take back to my desk to eat quickly while I work. Occasionally, I might take 15 minutes to just eat and not work, and on the even more rare occasions when I actually take a lunch break, it’s probably for something special like a co-worker’s birthday. So if I’m interested in seeing you in the middle of my day, that means a) you’re on my mind in the middle of my busy day and b) I want to see you so badly, I’ll settle for an hour or less just to be able to do so. Right or wrong, I’m assuming a guy is thinking the same thing about me if he suggests a lunch date… so that’s your fair warning, gentlemen.

It lends itself to creativity

Sure, you could just go get something to eat at a restaurant near your job, or you could also skip all that hoopla and have an intimate picnic. If you’re anywhere near a waterfront, you could go walking and spend time catching up. The choices are endless and the beauty is there’s not as much pressure as trying to plan a dinner date or an all day date. Chances are you’ll only have between an hour or two hours, so you can go all out with the creativity and not have to worry about impressing anyone for an extended period of time.

Sometimes the best things in life are… short and simple

Speaking of only having a short amount of time, you know how some people really like quickies because of the emergency feeling it gives? Lunch dates have the same effect. You don’t have all day to spend with each other, but an hour or so with the right person, doing the simplest thing (ie: walking along a waterfront) can put the biggest, cheesiest smile on a girl’s face.

It can be the healthier version of a 5 hour energy shot

No need for coffee or energy drinks when you know you have a lunch date in the works. First, if a woman really likes the guy, she’ll be so amped up before the date, she won’t need any extra caffeine to get her adrenaline going. She’ll be especially happy if she managed to pull of an amazing effortlessly chic lunch date outfit. Then if all goes well – she’ll be floating on air when she gets back to work, not worrying at all what anyone has to say anymore.

So what do you all think? Would you go on a lunch date with someone? And if you’ve had them before – do you agree with me?

PS: What’s funny is that this conversation was at least a week before Twitter got all in a tiffy about whether a guy needed to spend $200 on a date or not. It’s amazing how we all like to complicate something so very simple.

What if We Could Know Ahead of Time?

14 09 2011

The other day, CCB and I were chatting over email, and she randomly mentioned that she wished guys were mandated to wear a t-shirt that expressed things about their true nature that you might not know when you first meet them. You know, essential details like “is he crazy?” “does he like nice girls or beaches?” and is he a nubby, someone that makes you go “that thing isn’t coming anywhere NEAR me!” or a respectable number in between.

Of course, I absolutely loved the idea and we began to fill out our respective line shirt for prospective men and what it should include. Above, you see some of the things we’d like to know upfront. Included in that list became objectives such as, “does he like watermelon?” and “how long will it take for me to get over him if it goes badly?”

Now, sure – on the surface these seem like pretty crazy things to want to know when you first meet a guy. But are they really? I guarantee they’re questions that most women are contemplating but can’t really be discussed over drinks on the first date. I mean, could you imagine…

Curious Lady: So I was wondering, could you possibly tell me what your stance is on watermelon? Cookies? Oysters? And how about what your preference is in women – should I be my normal nice self? Or will you only respond to me if I act out of my character and flip out on you?

Guy: Walks away…. Quickly.

So the t-shirt works perfectly! This way, you’re able to assess those things just as quickly as you can determine if he’s got straight white teeth, if you can wear heels and still be shorter than him, if his swagger is on a hundred thousand trillion, and more. And best of all, it leaves room to learn the important things on the actual dates.

Instead of now wondering if he’s crazy, you already know that he is going into the situation; but based on the rest of the shirt you’ve made the decision to see what fun can still be had. And you can go from there – you can find out if his crazy matches your crazy. And if his 9.5 matches your ummm…. Hoo haa? Lol

Point is, this t-shirt idea could very well be the thing to ensure much happier couples. Maybe I see a cute guy, give him the flirty eye, attempt to get him to come over to me and while he’s walking, I notice there’s something on his shirt that I just can’t handle, but I know CCB or Pimp C could – well, I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t go ahead and refer him over to one of them, right? Right? We’ve now eliminated the possibility of us wasting time on each other and also, the possibility of someone thinking he’s sloppy seconds of mine.

It’s a win, win, eat, eat situation.

What do you all think? Can you get behind this idea? And if so, what are some things you’d like represented on the shirts? Nothing too serious that would involve asterisks and discussions, just simple things you might want to know about a guy before ever agreeing to that go-cart racing date in the middle of August in Florida. Guys, you can get in on this too? What are some things you’d like to see on a girl’s t-shirt?

Dating by the Signs

5 01 2011

So I’m dating again. Shocker, right? (Here’s where you say, “Really? Because all the dating posts lately didn’t clue me in at all lol.” And then I’d say, “Whatever, arse.”) And one thing I’ve been attempting to do is not get with the same types of guys I’ve dated before.

The problem is that this idea is harder to execute than one would think. I mean, if you’re drawn to one type of guy, does trying something different mean ignoring that guy for the nice guy right next to him, who’s teeth aren’t exactly SWT worthy, but aren’t the worst thing you’ve seen either? Eh… Probably not.

In any case, I tried that too… Didn’t work out so well.

So what’s next in this whole try something different thing? (Other than that #11 which shall not be directly mentioned today.) Well, I realized recently while speaking to CCB about guys that we’re dating, that horror of all horrors, I’ve never dated a Scorpio. I’ve done other things with a Scorp, but gone on a date? Nope. Hasn’t happened. So of course, you know what we did… we determined that a goal of mine should be to make sure I date a Scorp before I for real settle down with anyone… Not because they’re the greatest sign or anything, but because you want to be able to say you did it, right? Right.

But Scorps aren’t the only sign I haven’t dated before. A quick glance at my record, in fact, would reveal that not only do I tend to like the same types of guys, but they also tend to be born around the same time! You’ve got Aries, Aries, Pisces, Taurus, Taurus, Leo, Taurus, Aquarius, Pisces, Leo… Just to name a few. See the problem here? I can’t get out of the same freaking months!

No more of that, I say… And I must be onto something because over the past couple months, I’ve seen some different signs popping up on my radar. Gemini. Libra. Virgo. Capricorn. Sagittarius. It’s like meeting an entire spectrum of men I didn’t even know existed! And I like… I do ha ha. Still no Scorpio, yet, but there’s time. I mean, I do have 11 dates that I have to go on before the end of the year. Who’s bright idea was that again? Sigh…

Anyway, what say you guys? Are there any signs that tend to show up consistently in your dating life? Are there any you’d like to add to your dating bucket list? Might I suggest a Taurus who needs 11 dates by the end of the year? 😉

To Gift or Not to Gift…

16 12 2010

As you all know, we’re in the holiday season… a time where, whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, or Kwanzaa, there’s some sort of gift-giving involved. Some people who we get gifts for are kind of obvious. Close family members, friends, and the children in our lives (at least in my family) are pretty much your standard go-to people in the gift category, and of course if you have a significant other, there’s bound to be some sort of gift-exchanging as well.

But what if you just recently met someone and now there’s this looming question of whether you should get him or her gift. Most times, this question can be answered easily enough. And really, I’m kind of a fan of getting that person in your life something even if it’s more about the thought than it is about the actual gift. My problem comes in with the receiving part of the gift – exchange. In fact, I was recently asked the other day what I wanted for Christmas and I had the hardest time answering such a simple request.

You would think I would know, right? I mean, I did just ask Santa Claus for a whole list of things earlier this week. And before then, I posted about some shoes that I could go for if anyone felt like being Santa’s helper. And heck, this year, I even sent my mom (ie: Mrs. Claus) my Christmas list fairly early. SN: I’m usually the last person that answers her “what do you want for Christmas” question… and my answer is usually something vague like, I don’t know mom – some shoes, some jewelry – you know me. I’ll love whatever.” She usually gets frustrated at this, but it’s because I really am more of a ‘thought that counts’ kind of person when it comes to presents. Sue me.

Anyway, this year, I’ve been on it! I even gave my Secret Santa pretty specific suggestions for my gift (we do that at work, so people can have an idea of what you may want). But when it came to answering this very same, very simple question that happened to be coming from the guy I spoke about in the last post (yes, the one I’d like to keep around for a little while) – I had nothing. Nada. Non.

There I was, chatting it up with CCB over email and asking her if it was strange that I couldn’t give this man an answer. I mean, really, I can’t be the only one who’s had this problem before, right? I think my non-answer stemmed from a similar concern that a lot of women have when you go on a first date with a guy. At this point, we know how it looks if you order steak or lamb for your meal, so you don’t want to be that girl. But you also don’t want to be the girl that orders a salad either, simply because it was the cheapest thing on the menu. I had the same feeling when it came to the present question. I mean, what do I want? Well, hell – I want a vacation (even though I just came from Puerto Rico), but I’m clearly not going to ask for that. I want another hour and 1/2 full body massage, but nope, not going to ask for that either. And I think by now, you know that you can’t go wrong with a pair of hot shoes for me and here’s a tip for anyone interested – I looooooooove emeralds (yes, even more than diamonds), but c’mon – I’m definitely not asking for that.

So what do you ask for?

I suppose you could treat it like a Secret Santa gift and ask for something simple like some soup mugs (which I totally put on my list this year thanks to Soraya lol), but eh… that just seems kinda impersonal, right? Right. Plus, as I mentioned in a post a few years back about Christmas gifts – the earlier on you are in the dating process (and we’re VERY early on), the smaller the gift should be. You don’t want to show up with a Movado watch after knowing the person for a couple weeks lol. They may like the watch, but they’ll probably think you’re crazy.

Well, after much thought – I finally settled on what I wanted. I won’t divulge what it is here, but it actually ended up being something we both will like and use (and no, it’s nothing nasty – I know how you guys are with your dirty thoughts), but it took me sooo long to think of this idea, and I’m not sure if it should have.

What do you all think? Have you been in this position before? And what seems more nerve wrecking to you – getting someone new a gift or telling the new person what you want? I think you know where I stand on this… but where do you?