I was talking to a close friend of mine the other day and we agreed that there seems to be an influx of men who do not know the rules of casual coital pleasures. Since this is the case, I figured I would take a little time to lay some rules down on wax.
Let me know if you agree, disagree, or want to add on…
1. No CUDDLING!!! Let me clarify cuddling for those who just think it’s spooning. Cuddling is any variation of your body joined with mine in a resting state. So that includes me laying on your chest, laying on your lap, your arm around my waist… Yeah. All that. Those things are great. They’re fantastic actually, but they’re designated for someone who is my man.
I mean really, how much more intimate can you get than laying on someone’s chest, feeling and hearing them breathe. If we’re not *there*, that’s not okay!
2. No forehead kisses! (no further explanation needed… just dont do it.)
3. No sleepovers. If you are in a situation where a sleepover has to occur, say the person doesn’t live in the same city, please don’t expect sleepover things such as cuddling. See #1 for details. Go to sleep on your side and I will go to sleep on mine. Seriously.
4. No expectations. That means if I’m busy, you can’t blast me for being busy. You can’t keep your own personal stash of condoms at my place and you don’t get to ask me why you can’t come over tonight.
5. Never, ever. Ever. Use the word Love. Now this may seem like a simple task, but I have actually had a guy in mid stroke say, “tell me you love me.” Seriously??? In mid stroke?!? I couldn’t take the foolishness…so I promptly stopped all activities and looked at him like he’d lost his damn mind. This isn’t love sir. And how dare you try to bring me to that point for whatever sick pleasure you may get out of it.
Now for all those reading this thinking, “dag… I see why your friends have been telling you that you’re like a guy.” Let me just say that these rules are strictly for casual things. If we’re in a relationship, my man can have all that and more… but really, I think that certain things are just not slip-up person worthy. I’m not going to call my go-to person if I’m sick and need soup, he shouldnt expect me to hold him in his sleep. I’m just sayin…. lol