I Mean, if You’re Going to Cuddle…

24 01 2011

I’ve been pretty clear on my thoughts about cuddling on this blog; it’s not something that I prefer, mostly because I think it’s about as intimate of an activity as one can do. But just so we’re clear (because I think some people were beginning to think this), I’m not anti-cuddling. I’m anti-cuddling with people who I’m not emotionally attached to. I looooove cuddling when it’s with someone I really like or love… there’s a slight, but important difference there.

Either way, even I recognize that there are times and situations that call for a nice, good cuddle. When that happens, whether you’re doing something simple like watching TV or comforting someone after a long hard day at work or congratulating someone… you need to be versed in the different types of cuddling you can offer. And if you’re reading this and saying to yourself, wait – there’s different types of cuddling??; ummmm… well, just keep reading further.

Here are a few basic styles that are good to have in your repertoire:

The Spoon

This is probably one of the more popular ways to cuddle, and it can be done in different variations. Of course, there’s the typical form, in which the woman and man are curled up in the fetal position, with the man holding the woman from behind; but it can also be done with your legs extended and with the woman behind the man. To me, especially in it’s most typical version, this form of cuddling is very endearing, but can also be quite sexual. I’m sure most men can testify that when laying with their woman, with her backside in prime position, their thoughts are not always the most pure thoughts in the world. Added bonus: you get to play footsie in this position!

The Forward Embrace

This is actually a fan favorite of mine, in both variations. The first version is what you see in the picture above… two people sitting down, with one person’s legs wrapped around the other and they’re embracing each other. You can be fun and spunky in this position, laughing and joking around, but it can also be extremely sensual and passionate since you’re facing each other. You have the added bonus of being able to look into each others’ eyes; something you’re not able to do in the spooning position. The second version is almost like a variation of the spoon: you’re laying down and holding each other, but you’re facing each other. This one is extremely intimate and I would suggest that if you’re going to cuddle with someone you don’t have feelings for, you don’t pick this one to do. Actually, if you’re going to subject yourself to something like that – the spoon is the way to go. Trust me. I’ve been in a position where a guy hijacked a cuddle out of me, and I was so happy it was the spoon, because we weren’t facing each other and it was enough of a barrier so that I couldn’t feel him breathe… leading me to the next version.

The Breath Taker

Have you ever laid your head on a man’s chest and literally, you can feel his breaths becoming your breaths? Yeah – that’s why I call this one the Breath Taker, because in laying in this position, the person who’s laying on the other person’s chest tends to instinctively begin breathing just like the other person. I mean, how personal is that, right? I’ve taken on your breath cadence! You can’t just do that with everybody lol.

The Chair

Last but not least, there’s the chair. I can think of two different ways to be in the chair. The first of which is when you’re sitting between the guy’s legs with your back against his chest as if he’s your chair. In this position, you have the perfect opportunity to feel like you’re being enveloped because he should be able to wrap his arms completely around you. The other way is if you’re laying your head or your legs on his lap, again making him your chair. That position gives way to prime opportunities for rubbing, such as rubbing your hair (I’m a fan of a good hair rub when you’ve had a bad day.) or massaging your legs and feet.

Those are the ones I can think of today. Are there any others that I missed? And do you guys have a particular style that you’re more fond of than others? Share, why don’t you…


It’s Football Season for me TOO!

9 09 2010

Alright fellas, today marks the start of the real football season (not that preseason bull crap) and I can’t tell you how EXCITED I am that the Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints are heading up the season, with a surefire smackdown of that old quarterback named… ummm, ummm… what was his name again? I forgot after we sacked him 26 times last season.*

No, but really — all smack talking aside, it is important to note that just as many man have rules about what football season means for them, women have rules as well. Well, women who watch football, that is. So if you’ve never dated a woman who is a real football fan, here’s some things to note:

Do NOT assume I don’t know what I’m talking about

I hate this. I hate that when I start talking about football amongst a bunch of men, they feel like they have to quiz me and I feel like I have to run down my sports credentials. Yes, I was a sports editor in high school. Yes, I worked for the sports section at the newspaper in New Orleans. Yes, I know my team (s), their key players, their not so key players who make big moves sometimes, their schedules, the lines for each game, etc… So yes, I know my shit. It usually doesn’t take long before the men realize they’re not just talking to some woman who likes to watch men in tight pants run after each other – but it’s annoying that I even have to prove it at all. And it’s a surefire way to make me not want to pick up the phone when you call (and keep watching D. Sharper’s fine butt – even as he sits on the bench on the PUP list).

DO come over and watch the game with me, but DO NOT talk shit about my team

… unless my team is playing your team – then it’s perfectly understandable and we can even make it more fun by putting some kind of naughty bet on the game. But if you’re a Cowboys fan and the Saints are playing the Falcons, you should either be shouting Who DAT with me or staying the hell home lol. It’s just common football courtesy.

Do NOT touch that remote!

Now, listen – I tend to be a bit old fashioned so when my man comes over and we’re watching TV, without even saying anything – I let him have the remote (unless Grey’s Anatomy is on, of course… then, ummm he might not even be over here). But if we’re watching football (especially if they’re actually showing my team on TV, since they don’t tend to do so), you might get cut if you change that channel. At the very least, you certainly won’t be getting any celebratory nook that night or the next morning…. and then I’m really going to be mad, because I didn’t get any celebratory nook that night or the next morning lol

DO come over and have celebratory nook with me that night or the next morning

Do NOT be surprised when I’m screaming at the TV.

I get very passionate, sorry. It’s kind of ingrained in me. If you’ve ever been to my house in New Orleans during football season, you know that I get it honestly. Every single man, woman, and child is glued to the TV, screaming at Reggie Bush to go forward and not sideways, screaming to try and get Tracey Porter to get another pick 6, screaming to help Marques Colston come down with ball in the end zone, and more. It’s just what we do. For some reason, we think it helps the team. And in the middle of all the screaming, my grandmother is probably coughing and talking about how the Saints are going to give her a heart attack, but she’s still screaming lol. Like I said – I get it honestly. I’m a fairly quiet person any other time – but during football (or a Lakers game lol), it’s a wrap.

Anyway, ladies – did I miss any rules to help the guys out for the next 5 months? I wouldn’t want anyone to say he wasn’t informed.

*It wasn’t technically 26, but it was a lot. Ask Brett’s ankle.

PS: Yep, I have on my Reggie Bush jersey today – and nope, I don’t care about this USC/ Heisman controversy. As long as he keeps going fooooorward (and not sideways) and helps us win more championships, he’ll continue to be Reggae Boosh for me! (and yes, that’s a good thing)

Mad Men (and Women)

30 08 2010

A little while ago, Jozen C brought up the discussion of people being too busy to be in a relationship. Folks in the comment section went back and forth on what they thought was right. Could you in fact be too busy for a relationship or was it a cop-out, and it really meant that you hadn’t found the person who made you want to take time out for them?

Well, you know my stance on this already. Pure Cop-out status.

But what the conversation really made me think about was the generational difference of opinion concerning relationships. It seems to be my generation that has decided that if you really want to grind it out, you can’t risk losing or wasting time by working on a relationship as well – so the best thing to do is to have your FWB on the side. This arrangement seemingly allows you all the perks of a relationship without having to work for it.

Now, I’ve mentioned before how I think friends with benefits is a road to unnecessary complications. But I have to say that I find it hilarious that so many people feel like that route is the best alternative, simply because while it does allow you to normally have some of the perks of a relationship – you also really miss out on most of the best perks of a relationship. Sure, you can get sex anytime you want. But if you get sick, your FWB’s not bringing you soup to help you feel better. Maybe you can go on dates with your FWB, but if it’s a bad day and you need your hair rubbed or a big bear hug – FWB ain’t gonna cut it.

These are things our parents and grandparents knew. Yeah, they were on the grind just as much as we are – but still, they made sure there was going to be someone at home for them when they needed a hug after a long day of working. Hell, if you look at the  show Mad Men, all the men and women on the show are vying for different power positions, but unlike us, they find that they are more powerful when joined with someone than alone.

So what’s wrong with us? Where did this change come from? I have a few theories. I think part of it is that more women are striving for those power roles and positions than before. In the time of Mad Men (or at least the time the show takes place in), men were the ones working hard days and long hours outside of the home – so when they came home, they came home to women who made it their role to comfort their man. Now, we have just as many women working long hours and hard days outside of the home as well. With both people working hard (and grinding), a relationship becomes a bit more work and thus for some, can seem like an added distraction from the career goal at hand.

Another thing that happened was that the definition of a relationship progressed to something that should be mutually beneficial for both parties. No longer was a woman just in a relationship to follow the man’s lead and make children; now we demand expectations as well – a fact that certainly changes the dynamics from what relationships were in the 1950s. At that time, the woman’s feelings were basically an afterthought, obviously making pulling off a successful relationship less work for the man.

Finally, I believe that our generation didn’t grow up with the social expectations to get married right after high school or soon thereafter. 50 years ago women went to college to meet their husband. Now, women go to college to make their own careers (and maybe meet a husband while doing so lol).

All of these things affect the dynamics of what it takes to make a relationship work – but it still really doesn’t explain why a large portion of us has resigned ourselves to believing that we can’t have both: a successful career and a successful love life. We talk as if, if we were to find love, we’d be less likely to keep striving for our career goals. As if those things are mutually exclusive. As if finding the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with threatens our chances for being successful in our careers. So we settle. Men, women – we all settle and begin to focus strictly on our careers, the things that’s tangible and less complicated. And I wonder if we’re worse off because of it. Personally – I want both and I plan on getting both. What about you?


6 08 2008

Because it’s my blog and I can do this….


on the SYTYCD finale!!!!!