Does Stupid Ruin Pretty?

24 04 2013
Photo credits: Ryan Lochte - Men's Health/ Stacey Dash - UrbanMogulLife.com

Photo credits: Ryan Lochte – Men’s Health/ Stacey Dash – UrbanMogulLife.com

I think it’s long been theorized that women know very early on if they plan/want to have sex with someone, and that usually what stops said plans is that person messing up and saying something stupid that completely alters the sexy factor the woman had in her mind. And while this may not be completely true for all women, I think I can say that the theory holds some validity, especially amongst many of my – shall we say – more grammar-oriented friends.¹

Enter people like Ryan Lochte and Stacey Dash. I think it’s safe to say both are extremely good looking people. Yet I’ve heard, in reference to both, that they should just keep their mouths closed, because when they open it, gems like “I’m a man at night and in the morning” come spewing out. Doesn’t that just make you want to walk away and go shower the skeeve off of you? (I mean, WHAT does that mean, Ryan?!)

Stacey’s no different. I’m sure many a lesbian has been disappointed to find out her actual thoughts beyond those we assumed from her Clueless days. Heck, I’ve even heard men say things like, “I mean, I’d still bang, but she used to seem like wifey material. Now, you just want her to shut up.”

That sounds harsh… initially. But I get it. I might be willing to overlook Ryan’s incessant need to say “chyeah” if he just didn’t EVER say it around me, or really if he didn’t say anything ever at all. Then again, every time I see a promo for his new show on E!, he loses a little piece of his sexiness in my eyes. At this point, he might have to be standing right in front of me (immediately out of the pool, water dripping from his body) for us to recover from the damage he’s inflicted all from just talking.

But that made me wonder – are there things I’m willing to overlook because someone is just THAT fine? We talk about deal breakers all the time, but what about those things that could be deal breakers if it wasn’t for the fact that you really want to get with that person? For example, I’m perfectly willing to overlook the fact that Darren Sharper is old enough to be my uncle. Because trust me, I wouldn’t give one good damn about his age if we met. But, stupid? Stupid might be something a little harder to get over, at least for more than one night.

What about you all, though? Would stupid cancel out pretty for you?

1 I recognize that my friends might just be an anomaly though, since more than one has mentioned how she can’t find a man sexy if he can’t beat her in scrabble. I do not have this problem, by the way.

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The Health Benefits to Smooching

28 11 2012

Photo Credit: theBeatenHamster.blogspot.com

Now that Thanksgiving is officially over, it can only mean one thing – yep, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And with the Season of Christmas in the air comes the thoughts of many things: cherishing family and friends, celebrating the birth of Christ (if you’re Christian), taking pictures with Santa Claus in the mall, giving and receiving gifts, and of course – kissing.

So break out the mistletoe and get ready for some smooching, because according the Grio and several recent studies, there’s more to kissing than just butterflies and thoughts of licking folks’ teeth.

For one, apparently kissing reduces stress. To wit:

Kissing helps to reduce cortisol, known as the “stress hormone,” produced by the adrenal gland. Some levels of cortisol in the body are good because it helps to regulate sugar levels and keep the immune system calm. But, too much of it can wreak havoc on the body, increasing blood pressure, body weight and depression. That’s where kissing comes in…

Well, what do you know? Looks like maybe we should all be kissing more often, and then we wouldn’t need so many expensive trips to the spa. I could get behind this plan.

But, it gets better. They also point out that not only does kissing reduce stress, but it is also linked to lower levels of allergy symptoms, can help reduce tooth decay, can help keep frow lines in check, and best of all – can burn calories! What?! Who knew kissing was so great? I mean, you know, besides being just great because it feels good.

Honestly, I don’t know about you, but this is great news for me. For one, it tells me that my mind is brilliant because clearly it wants me to get all these benefits, and that’s why it constantly has me staring at men’s lips on a daily basis. (What??? I’m not alone, right?) Two: since I’m one of those people that can actually just kiss for long periods of time without it being a precursor to anything (because I actually love the act itself), I’m going to get all kinds of fringe benefits when I get in my next relationship. And heck, Future Mr. D-Magic might have to watch it, y’all… cuz his lips will be mine lol.

Lastly, this gives me all kinds of incentive to actually use my mistletoe this year. A girl’s gotta be healthy, right? I mean, I’m getting closer to 30. Its important that I treat my body right. Now, if I could just get Darren Sharper to walk from my kitchen to the dining room (where my mistletoe is located), I’d be all set!

Anyway, what do you all think? Do all these health reasons for kissing sway you one way or the other? Or are you like me, in that it just gives you more excuses to pucker up?





Tips for my Future Husband – #6

3 10 2012

Photo: mav7.com

Know your way around mathematical formulas

In the last installment of tips for my future husband, I talked about the fact that he needed to like reading, you know, something. But recently, after a twitter convo with one of my favs, I realized something just as important – how much I suck at math.

Now, why is it important to know that I suck at math and formulas? Well, if we’re blessed enough, I hope that me and Mr. Future D-Magic will be able to have children. And the last thing I want to do is pass down my math suckiness to my children. Since I really really suck at math, that is a very great and dangerous possibility.

It’s really quite strange actually. In high school, I never made anything less than a B in my math classes, and amazingly in college, I made all A’s! (We won’t discuss the fact that I only had to take two courses of Algebra to graduate.) But, I would be lying if I said I didn’t fight for those grades. And once I graduated – I’d be lying even more if I said I kept any of that stuff in this noggin of mine.

Case in point – some time ago, while in grad school, I worked part time at a teen program in the city. Now, the teen program was based on fun workshops that reinforced certain critical functions for them, like reading, research, science, writing, life skills, etc… Awesome, right? Except that math was a part of that as well. And more specifically, helping them with math homework. Since I know my lane, I tended to steer away from that part of the job, however.

Well, one day, I called myself helping one of the teens with his math homework because none of the other counselors were available. This poor kid went to school the next day and realized he’d gotten everything wrong on his homework sheet. Everything y’all! Needless to say, I went back to just helping out on Social Studies and English homework from that point forward.

But that example just goes to show the severity of why my future husband needs to be great at solving mathematical formulas. Someone’s gotta break the cycle! I’m doing this for the kids!

Now, I’m not saying that future Mr. D-Magic needs to be a mathematical genius. No, no – he doesn’t need to be some Darren Sharper version of Doogie Howser. I just think it might be helpful to have a parent in the household who the kids can turn to when mommy says that they must be working on that “new math” – ie: anything over and beyond multiplication, division, and fractions.

That’s not too much to ask for, right?





Tips for My Future Husband – #4

9 05 2012

Don’t be like this guy…

Please don’t become a Yes-Man…

Many, many, many years ago (well, more like Christmas 2003) – I found myself in a precarious situation.  I’d met this really cute guy while I was home on break, and I was thrilled when he immediately asked me out the next day. It seemed like the perfect thing, at first. I’d just ended things with a guy I was “seeing” back at Howard and here I was less than a few weeks later being courted by this 6’3 sexy caramel  drop with perfectly straight white teeth.

At his request, we decided to go see Man on Fire and then get dinner. (Note: this was before I’d dated enough to know that dinner and a movie were not exactly good 1st date plans.) I quickly found out that this guy’s looks were the only thing that attracted me to him. Despite how depressing Man on Fire was (I mean, seriously – it was depressing and DEFINITELY not a date movie.), it wasn’t the worst part of the night. The worst part was realizing that this beautifully, sexy man was the epitome of a Yes-Man.

I was soooo turned off.

All throughout the night, all he did was agree with everything I said. He never seemed to have an opinion. He never seemed to have an original thought. In fact, the last decision I believe he made was deciding what movie we would go see and that was the day before. He was so boring and so “un-challenging,” by the end of the night, I could literally picture him as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz (if he only had a brain…).

I would say later on, this guy was the reason I got back with my “ex” when I went back to school. When he dropped me off back at home, I hopped onto my AIM account (ha!) and wouldn’t you know who was on as well. We were still friends at the time, so we began chatting and I told him all about wonderfully horrible date I’d just experienced. One thing was for sure – he was no yes-man.

To this day, my sentiments are still the same. You can be as fine as Darren Sharper, heck you can be Darren Sharper, and if I can’t hold a conversation with you without feeling like I’m talking to my mirror – it’s not going to work out.

Now I have no doubt that my future husband won’t be a yes-man going into our marriage. In order for us to even get to that point, he would have to be someone who pushes me and challenges me and not someone who just agrees with everything I say. But the other day, I was talking to a friend and he scared me a bit. He explained that he was always told that in a marriage, the best thing a man could do was to be sure his wife was happy and the best way to do that was to say yes to everything for her.

Scccrrrr!!!

Say yes to everything?? Oh, my stomach hit the floor when he said that. I started wondering, do other men feel this way? Would the future D-Magic just up and switch his personality and become this Super Yes-Man in some horrible attempt to try and please me? Gosh, I hope not.

So in order to make sure that doesn’t happen – let me be clear. We, women don’t want that. Or even clearer – I DON’T WANT THAT. What I want is a man who will listen, who’s compassionate, who’s thoughtful – but who also has his own beliefs, his own desires, goals, ambitions and if everything lines up, we can challenge and push each other towards those accomplishments. And we can learn from each other through discussions, not through just generally agreeing with everything the other person has to say.

PS: Starting next week, I’ll be going back to the 3 posts a week format. Be sure to visit the site on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays!!!





Tips for My Future Husband – #2

3 08 2011

Reserve either a room in the house just for me or build me a nice add-on sanctuary to the house.

Do you remember towards the end of the Cosby Show when Cliff turned the large shed in the back of the house into a sanctuary for Clair? I’ve always felt that this was one of the nicest things a husband could ever do for his wife… preserve her sanity. But I’d like to modernize Clair’s sanctuary a bit.

I mean, at this point, we’ve probably all seen famous rooms turned closets, such as that of Mimi Carey (before she was Cannon) and Toni Childs from the TV show, Girlfriends, and I think that incorporating those two ideas – a closet/sanctuary – sounds like the absolute best way for my husband and I to stay together. Why do I need this space, you may ask?

Well, a couple reasons. For starters, I finally moved into my own apartment last October (meaning no roommates, just ME!) and living on my own has only served to make me want to continue living on my own. It’s seriously one of the greatest things ever! I love coming home to an apartment that looks exactly how I left it. Pillows are still fluffed on the sofa. Throw blankets are still in their baskets in the living room. Dishes are still clean. Everything is just how it was when I left out. It’s an amazing feeling.

It’s also a great feeling to be able to do whatever the heck you want to do and not worry about bothering anyone. You want to crank up your Grey’s Anatomy play list and dance your heart away in your living room? Not a problem. You want to air dry yourself after taking a shower? Go for it. You want to find out if a certain somebody works magic in every room, not just in your bedroom? Who the hell cares – this is all your ish.

Can you tell that I love it?

Except that, here’s the problem… I also love love. Damn hopeless romantic. And since I love love and all, I know that eventually I will get to the point where I want to spend the rest of my life with someone and he will want to spend the rest of his life with me. Right now, I’m not there. I can’t seem to either reciprocate the feeling others have for me or choose the right people to want to have those feelings for, but that’s another blog post. But when I do get there, I can’t exactly continue living alone, right?

I mean, living alone is wonderful… but I’m a hopeless romantic, so I also want to regularly do things like wake up to the man of my dreams kissing me (even with funky morning breath lol) or cook wonderful meals together before we take a bath in our claw foot tub together. Don’t judge me.

And thus, we’re here at tip number two. You see, the sanctuary not only allows me to live with my future husband and our future kids, but it also allows me to get the h3ll away from them if and when it’s needed. And I can already tell you that it may be needed at least one day a month lol. Trust me, Midol doesn’t fix that “I just want everyone to leave me alone for a day” feeling we can sometimes get.

What do you all think? That’s a fairly reasonable request, right? I mean, it’s not like I’m asking for regular visits from Darren Sharper (don’t doubt how often I can squeeze him in a post lol). Men – if your wife asked for her own little sanctuary room for use only a couple days a month, what would she have to give you in return? Women – what’s something you’d ask for in order to keep your sanity?





Why are Friends with Benefits the New Black… in Hollywood?

6 07 2011

Lately, I’ve noticed a trend in many of the movies Hollywood has put out in the past year or so – the glorification of the” friend with benefits” situation. Who decided this was a good thing? I mean folks tend to get up in arms about the glorification of other things, like drugs and violence, but as far as I’m concerned, this new trend could be just as detrimental. Too dramatic? Okay, maybe not as detrimental, but damaging enough lol.

Well anyway, whoever decided it, it has clearly permeated the Hollywood culture.

The funny thing is that the FWB is not a new phenomenon, by any means. So why have I seen at least 4 recent trailers for movies that involve a guy and a girl having chex as friends and then eventually falling for each other and forming a healthy, loving relationship? Did we forget the fact that 98% of these relationships don’t actually end up that way? Or are we too busy trying to push another form of the Disney fantasy onto the women in America?

Let’s discuss and remember the tenets of the Friend with Benefits situation first, you know, just in case, we’ve forgotten… there are a few specific details that occur in a majority of these relationships:

1. The two of you are already friends – because of this first fact, there will be a higher chance for emotions to enter the situation than one where you’ve simply decided to enter into a Cut Buddy contract with someone. The biggest and least talked about difference between those two relationships is that in the FWB situation, it’s already been proven that you like each other. Maybe not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way at first, but in order to be friends with someone, you have to already like them and care about them. (What, you don’t like your friends?)

2. You’re attracted to each other – if not for this first fact, then the friend would stay nothing but a friend. Yes, there are times when we’ve all slipped up and had chex with someone who you wouldn’t exactly put on a magazine cover next to David Oliver or Darren Sharper, but that’s a slip-up, not something that happens consistently… so it doesn’t count. In order to have consistent chex with someone, you must be attracted to them.Which leads me to…

3. It’s consistent and not just about the chex– an FWB situation is not something that occurs once every 2 months or so. Nah nah nah, there’s potential to see this person a lot. After all, you’re friends as well, so chances are you’re not just having chex and you’re seeing each other often. You might talk on the phone still or eat out with each other. You may do things like watch movies together at each other’s places or even talk about your desires in your careers, etc… all before then having chex with them. And this is all with the premise that no strings are attached and no one is supposed to fall for the other person, right? Right.

4. Lastly, a main tenet of the FWB is that eventually someone will fall for the other person and chances are the feelings will not be returned – now, listen, please note that I said someone and not “the woman.” Contrary to popular belief, it is not always the woman who ends up catching feelings. Either way, though, unlike in these movies, the possibility that both people will decide that this person should be my legitimate man or woman is highly unlikely.

And that’s where my problem with the recent influx of movies on the subject comes in… we’re not telling the real story. It’s like how in the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” they pointed out women tend to all tell the story of this one couple where it worked out and then everyone envisions it working out for them – we’re not showing that this is the exception and not the rule.

The real FWB story would show the guy starting to keep track of the woman’s condom stash in her place and getting jealous of other guys calling her and the woman deciding his ish may be good, but it’s not good enough to deal with this bs anymore. Or it would show the woman starting to dissect everything the guy does now to see if he really wants this to be something more and the guy saying something like, “but I thought we both understood this was never supposed to be anything more.”

I haven’t seen these new movies, but I’m willing to bet they’re not telling those stories. I mean, these are romantic comedies – you can’t tell reality in a romantic comedy, right? Anyway, for my folks who’ve had at least one FWB in the past (or maybe present), what do you think? Is the boyfriend/girlfriend probability more likely than I’m letting on? And what are some experiences you’ve had in your situations? One thing I have learned is that they tend to make for funny moments when it’s all said and done. So share a funny moment with us, why don’t you? I won’t judge.





What a Girl Wants (Birthday Edition)

11 05 2011

Well, well, well… in less than a week, your girl will be the big 2-8, and in honor of this lovely accomplishment, I feel like a birthday wish list is in order. Since the last wish list was recorded on here about 6 months ago for Christmas, let’s revisit that one first and then move forward with the new one.

OLD LIST

– So, the winking has not improved at all. I can finally do the motion of closing one eye while keeping the other open, but it looks mad corny still…. son (lol)

– the snarky email: well, the guy didn’t use it on his blog (thank goodness!), but I also never heard from him again. A draw you say? I guess I’ll take it.

– the cute guy I referenced in that post actually did hang around for a couple months. Sadly, by the end of March, that was pretty much over. He’s still cute though and definitely still makes me laugh, so there’s no hard feelings there. The good news? Another cute guy stepped in for a couple months. The bad news? It’s looking like that will be coming to an end soon as well. Post forthcoming… (tease!)

– not sure that a mandatory dancin’ session occurred, but I still had/have fun with my dancing sessions. AAAAND the First Lady seems to like to get her boogie on too, so it can’t be wrong!

– the food came out wonderfully!

– alas, no one has sang Bruno Mars to me yet… Maybe for the bday? Can we get on this folks?

Anyway, so that’s how that wish list panned out. Some things were achieved – others, utter failure. So let’s do it again, why don’t we?

Here are the things I’d like for my bday (if anyone is so inclined – you’ve got like a week!)

NEW LIST

1. These shoes…

and oh, these shoes too… 

I’m actually planning to go shopping for both on my birthday with a gift card I have to Aldo (and hopefully a friend’s 50% off discount), but I could always get there and those shoes are sold out. Can you imagine the horror? Me neither. That’s why I’m asking for the shoes on my wish list. Please. And thanks.

2. A date with Darren Sharper. Too ambitious? Okay, a phone call with Darren Sharper. Still too much? How about a marriage proposal from David Oliver, then? Ha ha, see how I switched it up on ya!

3. My Bruno Mars song. I want this song sang to me. It will be on all subsequent lists until it happens.

4. Lastly, a day of peace… for me, for my family and friends, and for the world. I know that’s ambitious as well, but if New Orleans can be murder free through the past 4 or 5 Mardi Gras holidays, anything is possible.

What about you all? What are some things you’d like for your birthday if you had a little magical genie or the whole blowing the candles thing really worked?