Why Lunch Dates are Freakin Awesome!!!

4 06 2012

The other day, I was emailing CCB (like we always do) and a conversation ensued about the extreme awesomeness of lunch dating. It came up kinda randomly, but immediately we both insisted on how great they were. The conversation went a little something like this:

D-Magic: Lunch dates are the best!

CCB: They seriously are the best (if they go well), and they magically make the rest of your day bearable, no matter how busy you are.

D-Magic: Exactly. I mean, if a guy wants to see you in the middle of the day while at work, that’s a very good sign.

CCB: It’s a good sign for both of us, because we both know I tend to shop or work through lunch.  It takes a lot to trump shopping, lolol.

That was all I needed to begin thinking of reasons for why lunch dates were probably in the top 5 of the dating category. So without further ado – my reasons:

It shows a strong desire to see that person

I don’t know about your job, but mine very rarely lends itself to carefree lunch hours. Usually, I’m either eating something quickly at my desk while I work or running out to get something to take back to my desk to eat quickly while I work. Occasionally, I might take 15 minutes to just eat and not work, and on the even more rare occasions when I actually take a lunch break, it’s probably for something special like a co-worker’s birthday. So if I’m interested in seeing you in the middle of my day, that means a) you’re on my mind in the middle of my busy day and b) I want to see you so badly, I’ll settle for an hour or less just to be able to do so. Right or wrong, I’m assuming a guy is thinking the same thing about me if he suggests a lunch date… so that’s your fair warning, gentlemen.

It lends itself to creativity

Sure, you could just go get something to eat at a restaurant near your job, or you could also skip all that hoopla and have an intimate picnic. If you’re anywhere near a waterfront, you could go walking and spend time catching up. The choices are endless and the beauty is there’s not as much pressure as trying to plan a dinner date or an all day date. Chances are you’ll only have between an hour or two hours, so you can go all out with the creativity and not have to worry about impressing anyone for an extended period of time.

Sometimes the best things in life are… short and simple

Speaking of only having a short amount of time, you know how some people really like quickies because of the emergency feeling it gives? Lunch dates have the same effect. You don’t have all day to spend with each other, but an hour or so with the right person, doing the simplest thing (ie: walking along a waterfront) can put the biggest, cheesiest smile on a girl’s face.

It can be the healthier version of a 5 hour energy shot

No need for coffee or energy drinks when you know you have a lunch date in the works. First, if a woman really likes the guy, she’ll be so amped up before the date, she won’t need any extra caffeine to get her adrenaline going. She’ll be especially happy if she managed to pull of an amazing effortlessly chic lunch date outfit. Then if all goes well – she’ll be floating on air when she gets back to work, not worrying at all what anyone has to say anymore.

So what do you all think? Would you go on a lunch date with someone? And if you’ve had them before – do you agree with me?

PS: What’s funny is that this conversation was at least a week before Twitter got all in a tiffy about whether a guy needed to spend $200 on a date or not. It’s amazing how we all like to complicate something so very simple.


An Ingrained Level of Mistrust

26 08 2010

The other day, I talked about the simplistic beauty of high school – but I recognize not everyone feels that way or had the same high school experience as I did. In fact, this summer, I witnessed an entirely different idea of what it means to be in high school. On my old blog, and even early on in this one, I would sometimes post some of the notable things the teens would say at my job. While I no longer work at the teen program full time, I still consult there at times and true to form, they still provide me with great insight.

This summer was no different.

We decided to change up the way we normally do our magazine workshop this time around. First, instead of creating a printed magazine this summer, we expanded our brand and created a blog. But secondly, and probably much more importantly, we took a day each week to discuss certain topics that we deemed ‘reality mentality.’ Two of those topics were healthy and unhealthy relationships and the concept of fear. Out of both of those conversations, one point kept coming up – not one of them said they trusted anyone.

Now, believe me – I’ve certainly had my fair share of trust issues throughout the years, but it struck me as odd that children between 14 and 18 years old were already at the point of not having a sense of trust in others. Where did it come from? Who could have hurt you that much that at 14 you’re like, “I don’t trust nobody but me… and maybe my mom.”

But that’s what I heard throughout both conversations. Quotes and quotes of mistrust.

“My mom always said you can’t trust nobody but yourself.”

“There ain’t no such thing as trust. That’s something a fool tries to do.”

“Only thing that comes out of you trusting somebody is them showing you how stupid you was for doing that.”

Over and over, they kept saying stuff like that… and there I stood, trying to tell them how you can’t go through life and not trust anyone. How that kind of thinking will leave you unfulfilled. How you can’t even build relationships with people if you don’t trust them, so without trust – you’re basically saying you want to be alone. And the more I tried to tell them how good it was to trust others, the more they shot back with how foolish it was to trust others.

I was at a loss, partly because I didn’t see it coming. I wasn’t prepared to have 14-year-olds tell me how they have girlfriends and boyfriends but don’t trust that person. When I was 14, I was so idealistic about the concept of love – you would’ve thought that I spent all my days watching Disney movies. So what was it that had hardened these kids so much? Sure, some of them come from homes where maybe they were taught not to trust someone because he or she wasn’t trustworthy because he or she wasn’t around. Some of them don’t know their fathers or their mothers; some of them live with their grandparents. But that’s not all of them. Even the teens who live with both parents and by society’s standards should be better off – they felt the exact same way. So then what was it? Maybe it was our culture of exposure. We see lies and scandal plastered over the news almost daily. Maybe it was just the cool thing to agree with that day. IDK.

All I do know is that literally, I was the only person in the room out of 25 people who said they believed that trust was essential to living.

And it made me really sad. I was sad that I couldn’t convince them that they were wrong, but I was also sad for what kind of life they would grow up to lead unless they learned that they were wrong. It reminded me of where I was a few years ago and where someone I know is now. At 25, the amount of people I could really say I trusted could be counted on less than two hands. And I was miserable, just as he’s miserable – and just as they will be if they don’t come to realize the importance of trust. When you really think that you can’t trust anyone, that’s a horrible existence. You don’t believe anything anyone says. You don’t expect people to have your back. And you certainly don’t think you can count on anyone when times get rough for you.

How is that living? How do you live without being connected to at least one person?

Anyway, what would you have said in that situation? And is it surprising to you that we may have a generation coming up under us that is being raised to not trust folks? Or do you agree with the teens – is trusting someone only something that a foolish person does?

Waste of Time or Lesson Learned?

5 08 2010

“So I call it a lesson learned, my soul has returned. So I call it a lesson learned; another lesson learned.” ~ Alicia Keys

There’s times in your life when you look back on relationships in your past and wonder if it was a waste of your time or not. I tend to try to take everything as a lesson learned, but sometimes even I admit that I’m tempted to be like, “you know what? I wish I had never met him. Screw those lessons. They weren’t that necessary to learn, anyway.”

I know I’m not alone…

And in case you think I’m talking about some long ago situation where I eventually saw the light and can honestly tell you it wasn’t a waste of my time now – let me tell you, that ain’t it. Not two weeks ago, I was telling Pimp C how I felt like I wasted six years of my life, but not just six years with one person – six years with two. So I wasted TWELVE years of my life! (okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but it’s how I felt. Sue me.) But luckily, I was perusing the blogosphere and read this line on a friend’s blog post recently – “Sometimes the one who hurts you the most but moves you closer to GOD is your friend.” Interesting concept.

Now, I’m definitely of the belief that everything happens for a reason and people come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. But to call them your friend? I had to marinate on that one for awhile. And when I did, I got what he meant – that the person may not be your friend in that you call him up and talk to him about what’s going on in your life and delve into deep, dark secrets… BUT if that situation moved you closer to God, then they fulfilled a good purpose in your life (whether the manifestation of that was a hurtful one or not).

Taking that idea a step further, it brings new meaning to the question of whether the time you spent with someone was a waste or should be taken as a lesson learned. The fact is, if you believe in my friend’s belief, then that necessarily means that even the most hurtful or potentially wasteful situation can be turned into a lesson learned/ a good thing simply by using it to bring you closer to God and grow in your purpose.

That’s something that I may take with me as I continue to move forward. Anytime I start to question whether I wasted my time or wasted my energy on something or someone, I’m going to remind myself what my friend said. And then it can only be a waste of time if I let it be. What do you all think? I know that may seem easier said than done, but is it realistic to follow that belief? And even more importantly, do you agree with his concept?

What’s Your Status?

12 05 2010

This week is National Women’s Health Week – so I figured that I would spotlight a great cause being put on by one of my friends. Please come out and support if you can.

The Plan B

8 10 2009

One day Lady Raye and I were talking about men, as we so often do, and she mentioned to me a theory of hers – all men have a plan B.

After some deliberation, I thought, hmmmm well, that may just be true. I’ve never believed that any man is truly single when you meet him (he may not be dating someone, but there’s a body there in some capacity), so this isn’t that far of a stretch of my original belief. Her belief stretched further than that however, and said othat even once they start dating someone, all men know someone in their lives who – if something bad were to happen with plan A – Plan B would be there.

At first I thought, “Wow – pretty cynical”, right? But then I thought about it more… Well, really don’t we all kind of have plan B’s? Okay, well maybe not always, but usually we all know someone who isn’t our first choice in a mate, but we keep them around because they’ll do for now or whenever a pinch comes. Some might even call this person, the stand-in perhaps. lol

From this conversation, two things came to mind: 1. If all men have Plan B’s… isn’t it only fair for all women to have Plan B’s as well? 2. If we then substitute teacherall presumably have this person at least once in our lives – would you be okay with being this person?

Let’s start with Question 1 first: now some would argue (incorrectly I might add, but that’s just my opinion) that women are typically more emotional beings than men. This argument has been used as justification for everything from men cheating to men playing the field and not settling down with one woman. So I can only assume that the people who used it for those arguments would also say that a woman would not be able to handle having a Plan B because she would then become emotionally connected to both Plan A and Plan B, thus alleviating the purpose of Plan B in the first place. Au contraire my fair friends. Women have just as much of a right as men to have a Plan B in their lives – just as every student deserves the right to have a substitute teacher when their regular teacher is absent.  This has nothing to do with emotion – it’s pure common decency and fairness. Equal opportunity for all, I say.

BUT – that brings the question of #2: Who is going to be willing to be Plan B knowingly? Everyone raise their hands if you would volunteer to be anyone’s Plan B!!!

…………….. Chances are, you probably said hell to the nah bobby just now… But if we’re honest, chances are just as likely that we have been sprinklessomeone’s Plan B at some point in time. It’s like the cupcake and the sprinkles. (yes, I’m using the sprinkles analogy again lol) Most people want to be the cupcake… it’s the main ingredient. It’s the thing that you go for. The icing is great but it only serves to enhance the taste of the cupcake – and the sprinkles, well the sprinkles are only there to provide a different flavoring to the taste buds of the person eating the cupcake. You like the sprinkles, they’re great fun when added to the mix… but no one’s going to choose the sprinkles over the cupcake. Therein lies the dilemma of the Plan B… everyone wants the sprinkles, but no one wants to BE the sprinkles… because everyone knows the sprinkles don’t get chosen on their own.

So how do we remedy that, fine readers of CVS? How do we get everyone to participate in the Plan B plan if no one wants to be a Plan B? Hmmmm, this is not as simple as the 2015 CLC plan… And if we’re not able to get to a point where women can just as freely have Plan B’s in their lives, isnt it time for us to start demanding that men don’t as well? Thoughts?

Like Riding a Bike?

6 04 2009

My friends and I have used the phrase, dating practice, a few times recently, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s a valid thing or if it’s just something silly that we girls have come up with lol. The basic premise is that you go on a date with a guy who doesn’t exactly blow your mind, but doesn’t put the U.G.L. and Y. in ugly, to get you back in the swing of things.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. You know how I’ve told you all before that my friends and I have been called major flirts, well the truth is, when we’re around guys that we really like, we clam up. It’s absolutely ridiculous. One time I even found myself in the scene from Why Did I get Married, where Jill Scott’s character is kissed by Lamman Rucker’s character and the only thing she can think to do is scream out, “Whew!!!!” Yes, that’s right… I “whew-ed.” Loudly.


The Recession Diaries

11 03 2009

Okay, seriously… I know it’s been a couple days. You dont have to tell me or give me the silent side eye… I KNOW. But while I get my life together and finish these posts that I have been working on for this blog, dont forget to check me out HERE!!!pen

OH and by the way, your girl was recently “published” on The Root for one of my besties, Michael’s, new hit The Recession Diaries. He takes submissions from folks like you and me about how the recession is affecting/has affected you. If you’re interested, submit something to him… and if you just want to read, read mine first (LOL) HERE and then read the rest of them HERE!!!

Love yall! SMOOCHES…..