#ThatAwkwardMoment when a Sex Song Plays at the Wrong Time

18 11 2013
Photo: healthwatchman.com

Photo: healthwatchman.com

At the end of a date a couple years ago, I found myself in a very awkward situation. The guy and I were making random chit chat as he drove me home from the restaurant, and the next thing I knew Freak Me by Silkk came on the radio. I’m sure if someone else had been able to see into that car, they would have probably cracked up laughing at the sight.

There we both sat trying to act like we didn’t hear this extremely sexual song playing on the radio while we continued our conversation about whether or not guys and girls could be truly platonic and how to know when a guy likes you.

Talk about awkward.

I mean, have you heard the lyrics to even just the chorus of Freak Me lately?

“Let me lick you up and down till you say stop; Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot; Let me do all the things you want me to do; Cause tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you.”

Considering this was the third or fourth date with this guy and we’d yet to even kiss, I’m pretty sure I was dying inside the whole time the song played. Oh and did I mention that it wasn’t playing lightly in the background? It was definitely on loud enough for us both to hear it, acknowledge it, and then act like it wasn’t quite possibly the worst song to serve as the background to our conversation. And he never turned the radio down or off.

Remembering this moment made me think of other moments when sex songs have served to turn what would have been a perfectly okay situation into #teamawkward. For example, in college I remember having a meeting with my executive team for the Howard University Association of Black Journalists in my room one afternoon and hearing the distinct sounds of Imagine That by R. Kelly coming from someone’s window in the dorm. Another time I was visiting a friend in her dorm room, and as we were both whining about our loved lives, we heard her suite-mate start blaring R. Kelly and Biggie’s classically inappropriate song, F**king You Tonight. And then we heard ummm, other sounds begin to join the song.

What can you possibly do in those situations except let the song play and try not to crack up laughing at how awfully awkward things have just now become? Or in the case of my date, continue on with the conversation as if neither of you hears the new soundtrack to your thoughts.

What do you all think? How would you handle a musically awkward situation? And have you ever encountered such problems before? I’d love to hear what other songs have made it into the awkward conversation hall of fame.

Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake!!!!

1 05 2013
Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Guess what folks?! It’s May!! – which means we’re now officially in my birthday month, and I’ll be 30 before you know it.

I think usually this time starts to be one of reflection for a lot of people. I’ve seen folks freak out and start feeling like they haven’t achieved anything and thinking they are so far behind what they expected at 30. I’ve also seen people get really introspective about their beliefs and their actions.

Me? I’ve started thinking about all the fun ish I want to do that I haven’t done just yet.

You know, like come home to a naked man, sitting there with a cake on top of him… waiting for me to blow the candles out (ahem).

TMI? Okay, well then this post isn’t the one for you lol. Stop right here and come back on Friday. I won’t feel bad……………… Still here? Wonderful!!

So what brought about this new, crazy fun bucket list of ideas? Well, while recording the next podcast (wooot!), it came up that I’d never had a one night stand before. Really??? – my friends who’ve known me for ten years asked rhetorically and incredulously. Really. So they, kind of jokingly, gave me an assignment. And even though it was a joke – it got me to thinking, why not take it on as a real assignment?!

I mean, I’m about to be 30! It’s time to celebrate!

Funny enough, for the past year, I’ve been slightly stressing over the fact that I didn’t feel almost 30. Don’t get me wrong – I love my life, my bills definitely remind me that I’m grown every month, and I’ve lived a lot of great and fabulous moments so far. But when I thought of 30 — it just seemed like I should feel wiser or more adult. That I shouldn’t still be thoroughly enjoying the time I spend with my hair in a high ponytail, Howard/Georgetown sweats on, dancing around my place without a care in the world. Or getting giddy anytime I think about wearing my perfect date dress for that perfect date. Or hell, creating drunken hashtags with a certain friend who shall not be named.

But I do all of that! And I love doing all of that! And I realized a few weeks ago, after talking to said friend, that my 30 may be different from what I expected – but in many ways, it’s still very 30. So while the idea of kids and a husband still scare the bejeesis out of me (for now, that is), there’s other things that I’m very adult about. I have my own apartment, I have a great job, I have plenty of travel plans, and my little sisters insist that I remind them of Martha Stewart on a regular basis. And even if none of those things were the case, I’d still just be an even different form of 30. But 30 nonetheless.

So okay – I’ll take it. I’m Martha Stewart with more than a few tats and an appreciation for a good glass of Hennessy and Coke. And I feel like the real fun is just beginning.

To help with that fun – I’ve now got a temporary, not at all completed, crazy bucket list of things I can’t wait to try! Feel free to make any suggestions in the comments section if you can think of more.

– I’m serious about that man and the cake.
– Also, naked Saturdays whenever my future husband does come in the picture are a definite must.
– Be a part of a flash mob dance
– Vegas baby!
– Actually do one of my Tuesday night amateur specials.
– Lay out on a yacht while singing “I’m on a boat!”
– Have a one night stand.

Listen… it’s about. to. go. down. 30 is so not ready for me.

Guide to Asking Inappropriate Questions

19 04 2013
Photo Credit: leebankruptcy.com

Photo Credit: leebankruptcy.com

A couple weeks ago, a discussion began in the comments section about the right time to ask inappropriate questions. And since then, I’ve been trying to come up with a better answer than – “not on the first date.”

The reason that answer is wrong is because nothing is ever black and white, so maybe the chemistry you and the other person have makes it okay to bring up what would normally be inappropriate dinner conversation. Maybe it’s you all’s first date, but you’ve known each other for years? Maybe the date lasts a whole day and then feels more like 3 dates in one than a typical first date. Heck, maaaaybe… you just like inappropriate questions and you’ve been waiting for someone to go there on a first date, to no avail!

So anyway, as you can see – I’m not a fan of making an absolute statement in this case (even though I really want to say “not on a first date”). I will say, though, that asking inappropriate questions is a little like the definition of porn. You may not be able to pinpoint exactly the best time, but if you’re sane, you’ll probably notice it when it happens.

Since I couldn’t pinpoint a guide of when to ask inappropriate questions, I figured the next best thing was when NOT to ask them. That’s more important anyway, right? If you miss the opportunity, that’s fine, it’ll come up again – but if you aim too soon? Chances are you won’t see that person in this lifetime or next.

Here’s a few questions I’d suggest asking yourself before just coming out and asking someone “what that mouf do, tho?”

Have you all spoken about under-the-surface topics before?
Meaning, if your conversations have thus far been all about the weather and your respective jobs, right now’s probably not the right time.

Does he or she seem the like the kind of person who would find it funny or get really, really offended?
Chances are if you don’t know the answer to this, it’s not the right time yet.

Have you kissed/made out/joked about making out before?
If not, pump those brakes brotha or sista!

Are you in public/could you potentially embarrass him or her with this question? Some folks are more willing to discuss inappropriate things in private than public, so loud-capping someone with a question about their freak status probably isn’t the way to go.

What do you all think? And have you ever experienced someone jumping way too soon into the inappropriate question arena? Funny enough, I think my friends and I are pretty inappropriate at times, and yet, I’d be willing to bet we’ve all had someone go too far too fast. Not sure why that is, but maybe these few questions will help stop at least one person from making that mistake again.

Fool Proof Dating Fails: What You Should Never Do on a Date

1 04 2013
Yea, this guy - don't be him...Photo Credit: www.urbancusp.com

Yea, this guy? Don’t be him…
Photo Credit: http://www.urbancusp.com

Oh, dating. It can be a glorious and thrilling occasion. But, for many, it can also be a time of confusion on what to do and what not to do when trying to make a good impression.

Well, since everyone always talks about what you should do on a date, I’d like to talk about a few things you definitely should never, ever, ever do. You know, because I’ve had way more hilarious encounters with the latter. Now, I’m sure you’ve heard things like “don’t discuss religion or politics” and “don’t be late,” but, this won’t be that kinda list. I have some waaaay better don’ts than that!


Men: Don’t order more than you can pay. Matter of fact, don’t go to a restaurant you don’t know you can afford.

This seems obvious enough, and yet – I went on a date with a guy who was obviously trying to impress me, but clearly didn’t realize he couldn’t actually afford the restaurant he took me to. Crazy part? He suggested it! Crazier part? I ended up having to fork over $50 on a date that was supposed to be his treat. Hmmm…

Ladies: Don’t dress for the wrong date.

I get wanting to dress to impress, but nothing looks crazier than a woman in a bandaid dress and heels on her way to Dave and Busters. (I’ve seen it.) That is just sooo not a good look! And such a waste, because (and I’m just guessing here) there’s no way the guy is thinking anything close to “I want to take her on a second date after this.”

Men: Don’t ask crazy questions. These can include, but are not limited to:¹

Why are you single?
Are you a freak?
Do you believe in vampires? (Because I am one.)
How does your p*ssy taste?
So what are the chances of me coming over tonight?
Do you think you could fall in love with me?
— note, only one of these is a question I haven’t actually been asked or one of my friends hasn’t actually been asked. I’ll let you decide which one.

Both: Don’t take several calls or spend most of your time checking your phone.

A. It’s just rude to do unless you’ve already told the other person about a specific reason you’re waiting on a call. B. It totally gives off the impression you’d rather be somewhere else. That’s not exactly the impression you want to give off if you actually want to see that person again, right? Right.

Well, that’s all my tips for today, but what other foolish things have you all seen or encountered that folks should definitely never, ever, ever do on a date?

Happy April Fools everyone! Hope you’re enjoying your day 🙂

1 I recognize women ask crazy questions as well, but I’ll let the men who read the blog offer those examples lol

The Girl Talk Podcast – New and Improved!!

29 03 2013

I know it’s been a few months since I posted a new podcast episode, but I have great news!! (You knew there had to be a reason it’s been gone so long, right??) Well, I’m happy to announce that in the coming months, I’ll be premiering a new and improved version of the podcast that will feature two of your faves as standing guests. I’m so excited to show off our revised structure and look forward to discussing those thrilling, and sometimes controversial topics we like to cover when talking with our girls.

So be on the lookout! And in the meantime, Girl Talk is now available on Itunes as well as the regular stream from Podomatic on the blog. Be sure to check out any old episodes you may have missed and tell a friend!

Also, Choices, Voices, and Sole just got it’s own Facebook page! Click on the link or venture over to the sidebar and press the little “Like It” button. Can’t wait to see you on there!


The Sex Diet: Is this for real??

18 01 2013
Photo: Fitness19.com

Photo: Fitness19.com

I know it’s January and lots of folks are working on trimming down for the new year, so it was only fitting that a recent Cosmo article discussed a new trendy thing called the Sex Diet.

For those who don’t know the specifics, the diet was coined by Dr. Oz and basically attempts to substitute the highs one gets from consuming carbs with the desire/highs you get from having sex or interacting in a sexy manner. Essentially, more sex, less carbohydrates. Sounds enticing, right? But does it work?

In the Cosmo article, their writer chronicles her experience in a week of trying to survive on the diet. Cliff notes version? It was hard. Sometimes it worked, but other times, she would have sex and still want to eat the bad thing right after. Guess you can call that a double whammy. Either way, the results were quite mixed.

And this was for a woman who’s married and works for Cosmopolitan Magazine. Meaning not only does she have access to penis anytime she wants, but she is more than likely quite open with any desires she may have. You can’t exactly be a prude and work for Cosmo, right?


But if her results were mixed and she could seemingly engage in sexual activities anytime she wanted to in an attempt to curb her carb appetite, what does a single woman like me do? I suppose you could have sex with yourself, but I have a feeling, she’d/I’d still want that chunkey monkey ice cream afterward.

Here’s where my guy friends would say that no woman is ever truly single and that if any woman told a guy that she wanted to have sex every time she thought about eating some Texas Toast garlic bread, she’d have no problem getting volunteers. Silly silly men those guy friends of mine. That logic completely disregards the fact that available peen doesn’t necessarily equate to peen you want. Shocker, I know… that a woman wouldn’t just want to bone any ol’ random bama in DC so she can lose a few lbs. The nerve of her for being choosey! (<– sarcastic font)

Anyway, despite the clear lack of foresight about how truly single women could practice this diet, it still seems intriguing. At the very least, even if it doesn’t work, you got more bow chicka wow wow action in, right? That’s never a bad thing… as long as it’s good. So what do you think, ladies? Would you try it?