Do you all remember the opening scene in Being Mary Jane where “her” dude shows up unexpectedly, and she finds herself in a mad rush to remove all the post-its from her house, take her scarf off, look like she is always a sex pot when sitting around her home, and remove any evidence of toys from plain view? If you don’t remember or just didn’t watch it — you can view that scene here. Trust me, it’s a must see ladies.
When I initially saw that scene, I knew I was going to enjoy the movie. Not because random guys show up at my house on a regular, but because I could totally relate to having to rush to prepare for my booty call (and if I could relate to that, I figured there would be more I could relate to as well). It was like someone had been watching my routine for several years! And when I talked to my girls about it, I realized I wasn’t the only one who not only waited ’til the last minute, but knew exactly what needed to be done. We could all totally recall the times when we received that text or call asking if said guy could come over and the panic of realizing we now had to clean our apartments (for me, this means throw everything into my catch-all closet), clean ourselves, do our hair, and put on our “I’m not wearing any make-up” make-up in less than 25 minutes.
I don’t think men have any indication of how crazy we all are running around our apartments trying to get ready right before they get there. Or if they do, they do a very good job of acting like they don’t.
Anyway, after laughing about the times we found ourselves in similar predicaments, one of my girls asked the most important question concerning the rush to get ready — why do we constantly wait until the last minute to do this if we think there’s even a slight possibility dude is trying to read the chapters in our book that night (ahem)? Because we’re procrastinators. And maybe sadists. At least when it comes to this act.
So I figured the best thing I could do as a fellow procrastinator is at least help those of my clan when in need. Here are a few tips for that woman who finds herself needing to get ready for the booty call, the late night hang out, or even just the dinner and a movie at your place with a guy you’re dating.
Step # 1 — Don’t wait until he’s on the way to start the process. I know, I’m contradicting myself here, but honestly, waiting until the last minute is the worst thing to do lol. It causes all kinds of knicks and stubbed toe situations. What my friends and I found out was that while we were texting or speaking to said guy, we weren’t doing anything but wasting precious time to be getting ready. We all have cell phones now, so during that 10 – 30 minute call/text conversation, use your time wisely. It could be the difference between having 30 minutes to prepare and having an hour.
Step # 2 — Clean/ groom yourself. We all have different ways of doing this, but whatever yours is, just make sure it’s complete. You can pull your hair in a pony tail or slick it down if it’s short. You can laugh about your messy apartment. You can even keep the lights down low so he doesn’t stumble upon anything embarrassing in your place. But what won’t be a good look is if you’re self-conscious because your body isn’t how you’d like him to see it. Remember I talked about feeling sexy before having sex? Step 2 ups that anty just a bit more.
Also, when I was younger, I would stupidly NOT groom whenever a guy was coming over that I liked but was attempting to avoid having sex with… thinking that if I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t succumb to my lack of will power. Thankfully, I finally learned the error of that decision. Listen, it won’t stop you. You’ll just be uber aware of that stubble on your legs as he’s spreading them on the bed.
Step # 3 — Take down all those positive aspiration things you have floating around your place. Yes, that includes the post-it notes on your mirror, the aspirational body figure on your refrigerator, the list of goals that includes things like “stop letting him come over at 11pm.” I think this step is pretty self-explanatory.
Step # 4 — Try to straighten up your place as much as possible. Maybe you’re a neat freak, and this step won’t apply to you. To that I say, whoop di do. Here’s a cookie. But for those of us who are not neat freaks, here are my top 3 things to do to make your place look cleaner than it really is. A) Make your bed. It really does make your room look exponentially cleaner. And yes, still make your bed even if you plan on using it. B) Toss things into closets or rooms that have no need for opening. I have a catch-all closet in my bedroom that is perfect for this. Some of you may use a linen closet or a pantry. I wouldn’t suggest the coat closet in the winter though. For reasons. C) Turn off the lights! Well not all of them, but if you have a dimmer, use that thing. And if you don’t have a dimmer, just have a small light on for when he comes in.
Anyway, I think those are the top 4 steps to getting ready for a visit in a rush. Any crucial steps you all think I missed?