I’m pretty sure every woman has been through this experience at some point — you meet a guy, think he’s cool and cute enough to want to get to know, and suddenly in the middle of the conversation, he hits you with: So tell me, why are you single?
Sigh. Cringe city.
Not because there’s anything wrong with me being single, but because the way that the question is posed assumes something is wrong because I’m single. It’s like the guy wants me to turn to him and say, “Well honestly, there’s something I should tell you –> I have a horn that grows out of my butt. It’s the only reason I haven’t been able to keep a man thus far, you know.”
I mean, really, what kind of answer are men expecting here? Also I’m pretty sure there’s nothing that the woman could say that would actually satisfy the question, mostly because I don’t think it’s the actual question men want to ask (but that’s for another discussion).
Some of my well-intentioned guy friends have suggested that the question is actually meant as a compliment. That the guy is basically saying, I see this pretty girl who’s hella cool, and I’m wondering why no guy has scooped her up yet. But there’s so much wrongness in that “compliment,” it’s laughable.
First, it assumes I’ve wanted to be “scooped up” recently. Second, it assumes that the guys I’ve met who have wanted to “scoop me up” have been guys I was actually interested in. And third, and most importantly, it still assumes there just has to be something wrong with me he’s not seeing yet! I mean, why else would I be single right? It’s not as if women actually enjoy dating and being single. Noooooooooo, every. single. woman. wants to get married tomorrow! Scratch tomorrow, make that yesterday! Last month!
The reality is that at different times there have been a variety of different reasons why I was single. There were times when I’d just come out of a relationship or just gone back into the dating pool after grieving over a relationship. There were times when I was just doing me, enjoying dating multiple guys and having a grand ol’ fabulous single gal life. And there were times when I just hadn’t met the man I wanted to be in a relationship with. But at none of those times was something wrong. And I’m sure that most women would probably be able to offer up plenty of those same reasons if they weren’t so insulted by the question!
I actually, honestly, think it’s one of those guy/girl misinterpretation things. I don’t think a guy is really trying to figure out what’s wrong with me when he asks the question, but it just never sits right with me. And neither do its cousin variations, like “damn, how come aint nobody wifed you yet!” Or “why don’t you have guys lined up waiting for you?”
These always, ALWAYS get the eye roll. It may be an internal eye roll, but it’s an eye roll nonetheless. So can we make a pact? Can we come up with a better way to ask whatever it is you guys want to know when you’re asking this question? Or better yet, can you ask something a little more relevant, like “What kind of music do you like,” or “What’s the last play you saw,” “Who’s your favorite sports team,” “Biggie or Pac?”…. cuz really, anything, ANYTHING would be better. And maybe those questions wouldn’t make me want to look the guy in his face and say “Fool, aren’t you single too? Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with you?!”