The Art of Flirting…

12 08 2008

Okay, confession time… I have, on occassion, been called a big flirt. And on even more occassions, my friends have been called big flirts as well.  Seeing as though this was a label we’d been given, I decided to look and see juuuust what the definitions of flirt really were.

Good ol’ Wiki says:

Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a sexual and/or romantic interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.

The Social Issues Research Centre describes it as:

a universal and essential aspect of human interaction; Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct.

Even Time Magazine got in on this discussion:

Before you claim, whether single or married, that you never flirt, bear in mind that it’s not just talk we’re dealing with here. It’s gestures, stance, eye movement. Notice how you lean forward to the person you’re talking to and tip up your heels? Notice the quick little eyebrow raise you make, the sidelong glance coupled with the weak smile you give, the slightly sustained gaze you offer? If you’re a woman, do you feel your head tilting to the side a bit, exposing either your soft, sensuous neck or, looking at it another way, your jugular? If you’re a guy, are you keeping your body in an open, come-on-attack-me position, arms positioned to draw the eye to your impressive lower abdomen?Scientists call all these little acts “contact-readiness” cues, because they indicate, nonverbally, that you’re prepared for physical engagement.

And of course, there’s an entire website dedicated to flirting, teaching folks how to flirt, when to flirt, who to flirt with, and everything in between.

Now after reading all these things, (well truthfully skimming most of them), I realized a couple interesting things… The first thing is my friends and I have perfected an art that many people struggle with. This has to be the case in order for there to actually be a website telling people how to do this. I mean c’mon! lol… The trip part is that the website is not that far fetched because women’s magazines do that kind of stuff all the time!..

The second thing is that while the people who have called my friends and I flirts were probably trying to imply something about our personalities and us being teases or something, they are completely wrong! All of the sites say that flirting has to come instinctually. It’s something you almost do unconsciously. Like Time Magazine said, you may not even realize you’re doing it, but it’s that extra glance or that bite of the lip, that stand with your head to the side that is the true basis of flirting. Those are things you do without thought. And I’m sure we can all agree that most of the time, it’s less about what someone says to you and more about their body language that clues you into whether they like you or not.

I do have a gripe with some of the definitions, however. Country Club Barbie and I were discussing flirting the other day, and she described it perfectly to me. “It’s like a drug,” she said. “I get high off of flirting!” Well in that case, for us at least, flirting has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me being interested in having sex with you. (those slip-ups are usually reserved for PBs and then lots of lamenting afterwards lol). In fact, the crazy part is that if I’m actually interested in you… my supposedly great flirting tactics go out the window! How crazy is that?!

Just goes to show, even an expert like myself can have her down moments. (please note all sarcasm in that statement lol)




6 responses

12 08 2008
Country Club Barbie

Shout outs to me! Excellent post 🙂 And I’mma need (yeah I said it) there not to be a website devoted to flirting . . . then again, I suppose everyone can’t get high off of their unlimited supply of flirt like we can 🙂

10 09 2008
Off the Wagon « Barbie’s Dream House

[…] introduces me to another a friend, Coach.  Firefighter and I are chatting each other up (OK we’re in full on flirt mode) about where we’re from, what we do and finally, how we ended up in “Off the […]

1 10 2008
Think They’re Right? « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] Well, I guess this is kind of a no-brainer as well. Body language is a dead give away and the best flirting is done without a word being said, but through the chemistry between each other’s bodies. […]

27 01 2009
Obama Kinda Love « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] and how fun it is to be able to do whatever you want whenever you want. We’d talked about the art of flirting or the different kinds of guys we could date. And you already KNOW we talked about the benefits of […]

14 10 2009
The Upside of Anger « Barbie's Dream House

[…] can flirt notoriously with whomever I want and NEVER feel guilty about […]

4 12 2009
I’m a FLIRT… « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] But here’s the thing – I also remember admitting at the end of the post, that I suck at flirting when it comes to guys I’m actually interested in. How’s that for flirting […]

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