The Double Standards of Sexting

6 05 2013

sexting

Oh sexting. The art of sending either “sexy” photos of your body or sexy thoughts in your mind through text message. It’s a phenomenon that doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

Now, we’ve all heard of the dangers of sexting — “You never know who else will see that text” tends to come up as a top reason. But I’d like to talk about something I don’t think is often discussed – the double standards of sexting.

I’m sure if I did an informal poll of my ladies, I’d find that a majority of them have received a penis picture from some guy at least once. And most of them would probably say that said picture(s) was usually sent unsolicited. But if I asked those same women how many sexts they’ve sent, chances are I’d get answers like “none” and “very few.”

But here’s the rub: we know that it simply can’t be true that no woman ever engages in sexting other than being on the receiving end – just like with actual sex, it typically takes two to Tango. BUT, I think women (overall, not every woman) tend to be a little more discerning about who gets the privilege. Of the exceptions, I’ve heard statements like “well only with my boyfriend of X years,” or “only because my boo was long distance – we had to keep it spicy,” or my favorite caveat of them all, “I only sent nondescript parts of my body through text.”

That’s a good amount of ways to basically say, now usually, I  don’t do this but, uhhhh… Yet, even though women have all these caveats, men keep sending their penises all willy nilly! What gives?!

Why are men so unafraid to send their junk to any Jane, June, or Jonquesha around, and women are so slow to admitting engaging in it at all? I mean, it’s not like you can say that a penis is a nondescript area, right? Penises, like snowflakes, are quite unique to each person. And even though I’ve only had sizable ones sent to me, it’s also not like every guy is packing an anaconda in his pants either, if you want to possibly say it’s the bragging factor going on. So again, what gives?!

I have a few theories, but I think the most important one is socialization. In the same way that men are socialized to think most guys have sex by 15 and women think they have to be virgins until they’re 38, men and women are socialized to think of their bodies and showing off their bodies differently.

So it’s not that big of a deal for a guy to send his goods around. I’m sure they know women share the photos as much as they do, but it’s not anything they’re ashamed of – mostly because it’s not like they’ll be called names like “whore” because of it. At worst, some girls might laugh, but at best – he’s enticed the one he sent it too and made her friends think about him as well.

That’s a win win, eat eat situation.

But for women, it’s not the same deal. At best, you’ve given the guy some good visuals – but at worst, you could ruin your reputation forever. Double-standardism at its finest.

Anyway, so that’s why I think so many women hesitate to admit participating in the sexting game. Maybe y’all can help me figure out why so many men are eager to, though. Thoughts?

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4 responses

29 05 2013
SephardicScribe

OMG. Am I the only one who gets videos now? I get videos (not that I’m complaining)!

You know, there’s an element of questionable judgment, but I send them. I send them because I really like my body and I look damn good, and when I get a good dick pic, I feel like I should reciprocate. I used to shy away from it, out of practicality (what if my nekkid/lingeried body is all over the InterWebs???) but mostly out of insecurity. Sure, this person has seen me in flagrante countless times and clearly likes and appreciates my body, but I just see all my flaws and cellulite and who wants that immortalized in a picture?

Now I’m just like, fuck all that noise. Do I want the person who’s getting them to share them? No. Of course not. Absolutely not. But that’s a risk you take. (quietly, if he shares it with his bff and he’s like, “Can you believe the tits on this woman? They are the TITS OF LIFE!” I’m probably just going to shrug. If he shares it with his entire pledge class, we have a problem.)

Side note: when I was younger and I had a nice little arsenal of dick pics, I used to set them as the caller ID photos on my phone. I found this uproariously funny.

29 05 2013
dbaham

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! You get videos??? I clearly need to step my game up. Game recognize game lol

And you know what? You may be on to something here about the insecurity factor. It’s totally different having the guy see you in person than knowing you’re basically immortalized on his phone for any person he chooses to see it. Thing is – and we don’t think of it this way, of course – chances are he’s not asking for a picture unless he likes what you’ve got.

I’ve actually sent out a few before as well… but my excuses are just like the ones I spoke of in the post – I was dating someone long distance, bla bla bla. But it’s been quite some time since I reciprocated a photo – so go you!! I even had a guy recently try to ask me for one (without coming out and just bluntly asking for one), and I sent him my Facebook profile picture. Yes, I’m a jerk. He should have been more specific lol

PS: I love the TITS OF LIFE possibility!! I spit out my water while reading it, but love it nonetheless lol

PSS: That caller ID idea is genius. Pure. Genius.

30 05 2013
SephardicScribe

I wonder if this is an iPhone thing. It’s so easy to take a video of yourself and press “Send.” The cameras have gotten so much better that now you can Facetime with someone using an iPad or an iPhone and the picture’s actually pretty clear. It’s a little crazy.

My rule is this: I only send pictures if they’re good ones, taken in decent light. It’s the photography snob in me.

30 05 2013
dbaham

Maybe it IS an iPhone thing! Maybe since I don’t have an iPhone, I can’t be a part of the cool, I get videos sent to me, club?? Either way, I’ll be sure to let you know if and/or when I get a video sent to me. I feel like this needs to go on my 30 year bucket list now haha

Very good rule. My rules have tended to be a) only send pics I wouldn’t care if other folks saw; b) don’t send anything with distinguishing marks – so none of my tats; and c) only send one body part at a time. So my ex had a bunch of boob photos with no face, butt photos with no back and so on haha

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