$64,000 Question

10 11 2009

Once upon a time, a young D-Magic (for new readers – that’s me lol) was what one might call a technical virgin.

In fact, until she eventually let a certain “BJ” deflower her and rip the purity right out of her soul (dramatic enough? lol), she was quite secure in her decision to be a virgin, technically of course. She believed in kissing and cuddling and fondling and digitizing (lol) and all that good stuff – and never doubted the fact that it made her any less of a Jordin Sparks purity princess. true-love-waits-script-ring

And then S.O.S. happened.

For those who are not aware (and I will not divulge names as to protect the innocent), S.O.S. occurred during the summer after my sophomore year. It was a summer filled with many things – an awesome internship program, a crazy great but short project with the New York Times, an introduction to some of the coolest people ever, and of course PLENTY O’ MEN lol. And due to the men (and partially the cool friends, as well), that summer affectionately became known as the Summer of Sin (hence S.O.S.) – but it’s also S.O.S. because some may have called it a cry for help.

So what does all this have to do with the $64,000 question? Well… during this summer of sin, as previously mentioned, there were plenty of guys that my friends and I entertained. We liked them, we liked kissing them and having all kinds of fun with them – but we were for the most part, still virgins… technically of course. And we were perfectly cool with this, until one day towards the end of the summer, on a bus ride to Georgetown, as we were discussing our conquests, a wonderful question came up – Can you be a virgin and still be a whore?

At first, the initial thought was “psshhhh, of course not!” But then we thought about it further? Well, if you’re doing everything but the actual act, what makes you different than the girl who takes it one step further? Sure, she’s had more than a finger enter her, but is that enough to distinguish the two in the case of whoredom??? We never came to a conclusion. But you can.

Speak on it readers – what do you say? Can a virgin be a whore, or does the mere definition of virginity give her (ahem, me – at that time), a safety clause?

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11 responses

10 11 2009
Cunty Black Woman

Oh jeez. I’m afraid my answer to your question is going to be way too complicated, but I’ve been laid up with swine flu and nothing but time to think, so here goes.

First, I would recommend reading Jessica Valenti’s “The Purity Myth” and Hanne Blank’s “Virgin: The Untouched History.” There’s actually no scientific definition of virginity. It’s a human, social, and religious construct that’s completely made up, and yet, we put sooooooo much weight on it, to the point that women in radical Muslim countries feel pressured to buy artificial hymens, lest they face shame, abuse, or rejection on their wedding nights.

But the other thing both of these books will tell you is that our idea of virginity, or when we lose it, is very narrowly defined, and extremely heteronormative, because we tend to think of it as penis-vagina sex. But what if you’re a lesbian who’s never had sex with a man? What if you’re a gay man who’s never slept with a woman, but who’s slept with plenty of men? Are you still a virgin just because you didn’t have one particular type of sex? What if you’re a woman who’s never had any kind of sex, but who no longer has a hymen because you’re also an avid horseback rider? It makes no sense. And it invalidates all kinds of people and the sex they have. So, I would argue against putting so much weight on that one thing. Sure, the first time you have sex is significant, but “the first time you have sex” can mean many different things.

Then there’s the other word: whore.

Which is also subjective.

When I think of a whore, I think of someone who, in some way or another has sold out. They’ve betrayed themselves in some way they don’t actually approve of to get something else they want. Whoring is a means to a dubious end.

Doing something that makes you feel good, because you liked it, and you decided you wanted it, doesn’t make you a whore. It makes you human. And if you did it a lot, some people would say that makes you a slut. I don’t like the word slut. I don’t believe in it, because it’s a hateful word that’s mainly directed at women, and that’s when it’s particularly venomous. It’s used to shame women for choices they make that wouldn’t be shameful at all if they were men. It’s used to enforce a double standard. And it’s judgmental and subjective.

Soooo, to wrap it up and bring it home, unless you were being everything but girl with someone who had the power to put you in that internship program, with the express purpose of getting in the internship, I seriously doubt you were a whore, D-Magic, virgin or not. 🙂

10 11 2009
dbaham

CBW – I can always count on you to break it down so it can foreva be broken! lol… I should have prefaced the post with the fact that I don’t actually think I, nor my friends were whores nor do I think a person who enjoys a few people in their spare time (lol) is necessarily a whore either…

I just wanted to see what different opinions would be out there about this subject. And luckily, I have you to begin the intelligent discourse… let’s see how quickly it goes down hill from there LOL

— but thanks for agreeing! 🙂 *runs home to tell mom the good news!* lol

10 11 2009
dbaham

also – do you really have the swine flu???

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

sorry, that was the 5 year old in me, I apologize lol

11 11 2009
Cunty Black Woman

LOL! Like I said, too much time on the couch. Swine flu is a miserable existence. I had the headache of life today. I am surprised I managed to type all that without using the word “patriarchy!”

12 11 2009
dbaham

You poor thing, get better soon! – and actually, I was kind of surprised you didn’t use “patriarchy” as well LOL

16 11 2009
Thelma

LMAO @ CCB’s dissertation. I love it. And no, you and your friend were not whores. Because as I recall from the stories you’ve told me, you weren’t just out there messing around with EVERYBODY. Sure, it may have been more variety in a short amount of time than you were used to, but you were still selective.

16 11 2009
Thelma

Oh and CCB, I hope you feel better by now!

16 11 2009
dbaham

HA! Thank you Thelma! I’m sure that if my friend(s) is/are reading this… they are very happy with you assessment and so I say to you… TRUE, TRUE!!!!

oh and ps. It was CBW, not CCB… all these acronyms our friends have! LOL

22 11 2009
HoodAesthetic

In the traditional sense no you can’t be a virgin and a whore. You are however and unconscionable tease and should be struck down by lightning.

30 11 2009
Thelma

Is it possible that I agree with HoodAesthetic? That’s a pretty good point (minus the striking down part) — you weren’t doing anything, but there was a clear suggestion that you COULD to the men you were flirting with. Hence, you and your friend were big teases. Doesn’t make you whores, though I’m sure the guys you flirted with wish it did.

And CBW, my bad. Hope you’re feeling better!

30 11 2009
dbaham

Thelma – say it aint so! Don’t by into HoodAesthetic’s foolishness!!!!

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