Blonde Moments

I’ve been really loopy and absentminded lately. REALLY loopy and absentminded. For the past month – I’m not joking guys. Things that  I would normally have no problem with, I’m forgetting 20 seconds later. My mom calls, I’m busy so I say I’ll call her right back and 2 days later, I realize – oh shit! I never called my mom back… And this is on accident, not on purpose lol

I’ve been spelling simple things wrong like ‘I have know idea…’ Yes, I actually wrote that to someone. ME!! I’m a full fledged member of the grammar police and if something doesn’t get fixed soon – they’re going to take my badge from me. These people are mean. Trust me, they’ll really do it.

I even had dinner with 2 of my very naturally blonde friends the other day and literally said to them, “Please don’t mind me. I’ve been having a lot of blonde moments lately.” Ummm who does that?! Good thing they both have a great sense of humor, because it would have been in their rights to punch me in the shin – not the face, it wasn’t that serious lol

But these are only a few examples out of over a month of loopiness, forgetfulness, and GASP possibly even some flakiness. And its really been starting to get to me. I mean, yes I’ll be 27 in like a month 1/2 (EEK!) but that’s not like ‘lose your f-ing brain’ old. So it’s not old age.

Well, the other day, Mandy Pants suggested this theory – “I think I know what the problem is, but you’re not going to like it,” she said. By the by, you should never ever ever start off a conversation like that with one of your friends. That’s what you call torture.

“Okay,” I said. “I can handle it, what do you think the problem is?”

“What did you give up a little over a month ago for Lent,” she asked.

“Ummm a couple things.”

“Right, but what could make a person start to lose their mind?”

GASP – sex!

I looked at her at first with one of those looks that said ‘girl, you are crazy’ but she stood her ground and gave me the ‘I’m so serious’ look and I think I may have caved. What if she’s right, I thought? How crazy would that be?

I mean, I’ve read the reports that talk about how consistent sex can be beneficial to your health and your mindset, but I’d never read anything that spoke to the opposite. But one might conclude that if A=B, B would necessarily equal A, and she just might be right. And if she is, what the hell does that mean for me? I’m not going to be okay until I get some good nook?!? REALLY?

What do you guys think? Could she be right or is my mind just playing tricks on me? da da da da da….

Headscarves, bubble baths, and minty-fresh breath

sooo cute, right? maybe not always...

Do I put the headscarf on when he sleeps over or do I thug it out and hope my hair holds up in the morning? What about if he’s staying the weekend – does that change your opinion then?

We’ve all been there. Wondering the kind of simplistic things involving men and women who have connected in some way recently, that on first glance don’t seem to matter much, buuuuuut really kinda do. Take the first instance for example. Everyone knows there’s absolutely nothing sexy about a head scarf, but what if u have plans the next day? Do you sacrifice your hair for the next day so you don’t look like Aint Jemima (that’s how I pronounce it) in the bed? And say you do sacrifice it – chances are, your hair will be fine after one night. But 2 nights, 3 nights??? Eh… Probably not so much… And before you know it, instead of looking like Aint Jemima, you now look like Macy Gray during the day.

These are the things that keep me and friends up at night.

Here’s a couple more:

BATHROOM TINKLES

Do I turn on the water while I use the bathroom, so he doesn’t hear me? Or is that too obvious because he’ll know I’ve turned on the water so he won’t hear me?

BUBBLE BATH PROBLEMS

Sure, that bubble bath he just drew me sounds great – but I have a feeling my recently Dominican blown out hair won’t appreciate the steam stemming from the tub… Or the water that inevitably splashes when two people try to squeeze in a tub together. Or the soap… and bubbles… that will get in your hair. There’s no doubting this. Same thing goes with a shower – when I take a shower by myself, I wear a shower cap. But with him, not really going to fly right? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

SEXY UNDERWEAR OR CUTE COTTON PANTIES

While similar to the “do I dress up or find something cute and casual” for this non-date, hanging out thing we’re doing tonight… the dilemma of the panties has its own characteristics. Sure, you want him to see the sexy, frilly lace hot pink boy short/push up bra combination you just recently bought (you know, in case something happens and your clothes happen to fall off on accident)… but isn’t that a dead giveaway that you in fact thought something might happen? The cute cotton panties, however, say – “I wasn’t planning on doing anything with you today, I just happen to wear Vicky Sec’s on a daily.” Which is cool and all, except you JUST BOUGHT the sexy, frilly lace hot pink boy short/push up bra combination and you want someone to see it! lol

FRESH BREATH

Okay, he slept over – greeeaaat! It’s officially now the morning after, and maybe you just slept or maybe you didn’t sleep at all, but at some point you’re going to roll over (assuming you’re in the spooning position) and your face is going to be directly in front of his face… and you’re going to want to kiss him. Come on – you know you are! Do you jump out of bed right as he leans in to brush your teeth real quick, make sure you wake up before him (a la Whitley Gilbert on A Different World) or try to stash some altoids near your bed for a quick lean-over before he notices. Probably the breath mints, right? – HA! Now, what do you do if you slept over by him? Changes things doesn’t it? lol

MOTHER NATURE

She can be a real beech, right? And I’m not even talking about a sneak attack period coming on, because most of us probably know our bodies enough to know that she’s on the way anyway. I’m talking about the other side of mother nature. The side that involves being gassy or having to do the #2. If you’re in a guy’s house and this happens – it can be a very unpretty thing. Because seriously, if you were worried about the bathroom tinkles, this will quite possibly mortify you. I’ll just say this as a tip – probably not a good idea to eat left over Chipotle at 4 am when you’ve been drinking all night and you’re staying at the guy’s place. You know, just in case you were thinking of doing something like that.

Alright kiddos, those were just a couple things that drive me and my girls up the wall. Can you think of any more? And if not, can you at least provide some great tricks on how to get around these almost inevitable run-ins with destiny?

SPRING FORWARD

A little while ago, I vented on here about wanting the snow to go far, far away. And thank goodness – it seems like it has. In fact, this past weekend marked the beginning of a new season. Granted, spring hasn’t officially started just yet, but with the passing of the point where we must turn our clocks forward an hour, I can only see spring on the horizon. Well, spring and my dating life.

Yep – you guessed it, I’m using this as one big old metaphor.

The snow is gone and has been replaced by anticipation of blooming flowers, sunny days, warmer weather, some rainy days (but that’s okay, because that just means more flowers)… and I’m generally excited about the possibilities of what are to come. Can’t you see it now? D-Magic strolling the National Mall, checking out the cherry blossoms, marveling at the beauty of some really HUGE rainbow and turning just in time to see a Darren Sharper look-alike marveling at me LOL.

You can’t see it?!

Maybe you should look closer…

cuz it’s there. I’m ready – ready for the Spring, ready for transitioning phases, ready for whatever is to come. Ready to be kissed like Bailey on Grey’s last week or like Ms. Pilsbury on Glee. You know, the kind of kiss that all you can do is let out a BIG SIGH after, because the guy and the kiss were so amazing that you were literally left breathless? Yeah – I’m ready for that. And I feel like Spring is just the time for that to happen.

What are you excited about now that Spring is on the horizon? Is it something simple like the wine festivals that are nearing or something metaphorical like me?

Free Female Condoms in DC!

I think by now we’ve all heard the dire statistics… things like 1 in 20 people in DC is HIV positive or that African-American women are the highest growing population in the HIV/AIDS community, but finally the folks in DC are trying to do something about these numbers and statistics. Now, granted this isn’t some major development – making female condoms free in certain places where male condoms are already provided free of charge shouldn’t really be that big of a deal… except that it kinda is a big deal.

I’ve always thought the fact that female protection was rarely seen gave a wrong impression to women everywhere – you know, that it’s not your responsibility to protect yourself. It’s his. Well, we clearly see how well that’s worked out, right? Now, with this new DC program – women of any economic background (at least in DC) will have access to one of the ways to protect themselves. But it takes more than access – we have to use that access.

And access is always a wonderful start. Think about it, how often have you seen female condoms in a store for pay, even? And when you do, it’s one box out of the 50 million available for men. Don’t even get me started on the fact that you won’t find a finger condom or a dental dam outside of a sex shop (please look those up if you haven’t heard of them.)

Either way, if you’re in the DC area and you’re in need of some female prophylactics (or know someone who is in need of them)… here’s more info on how you can get them on Free.99 tip 🙂

How BAD are you?!

My chick bad, my chick hood, my chick do stuff that your chick wish she could… my chick bad, badder than yours… ~ Ludacris

It figures that Ludacris would make another catchy rap song that we women can dance to and try to act like it’s something good for us. (Shawna’s Gettin Some, ring a bell for anyone?) But instead of just letting my hips do the listening (cuz you know the beat makes me want to get down on the flo’, on the flo’) I’d rather discuss what makes a chick bad… really.

Now, this will require a bit of feedback from my male readers, but ladies – don’t worry, I still want your opinion too. Heck, we can talk about what makes a guy bad as well. You know I could talk about that allllll day 🙂 But let’s start with Ludacris’ definition… Seems to me, a bad chick equals a woman who’s f-ing amazing in bed, she’s quite hood, she’s swagalicious, she ummmm wears white jeans???, she leaves Luda speechless and makes him repeat himself all at once, she plays a mean tennis game like Venus and Serena, she knows how to take a good patron shot, but she also has a bit of a temper (and so do her friends), and of course – his whole crew wants to bone her, probably because she can strip on a pole really well.

Pretty specific, no?

Especially if you decided to act like this was one of those Cosmopolitan quizzes, you know the ones… “How bad are you, really???” or “How much badness do you exude?” complete with a description like, find out if you could be on Luda’s second remix to “My Chick Bad” (basically, would Luda consider you bad enough to write a song about or would he scoff at the mere mention of your name). Welllll… if you know anything about me – then you already know that I didn’t do very well, but let’s see just how badly I performed.

Play with me, will you?

HOW BAD ARE YOU, REALLY???

Are you F-ing amazing in bed? Yes (1pt) No (0 pts)

Are you Hood? Yes (1pt) No (0 pts)

Are you swagalicious? Yes (1pt) No (0 pts)

Do you like to wear white jeans? Yes (1pt) No (0 pts)

Do you randomly leave men speechless or have them repeat themselves? Yes (1 pt) No (0 pts) *If yes, you need to have at least 3 examples in your head of this happening*

Do you play a great game of tennis? Yes (1 pt) No (0 pts)

Do you hold your liquor well? Yes (1pt) No (0 pts)

Do you have a temper? (Bonus 1 pt if you have friends with a temper) Yes (1pt) No (0 pts)

Does the whole crew want to bone you because of your stripper game? Yes (1 pt) No (0 pts)

Ummmm my score was a pitiful 3pts. Big SIGH! I’m clearly not bad, at least not using Luda’s definition – so you know what that means, right? We need to make a new definition!! Guys – what do you think makes a woman bad… did Luda miss any (especially any that might help me out?) Girls, what would you put for a list of what makes a guy bad?

ShoeMania!!!

YESSS!!!! Your girl is back with a vengeance with these shoe posts lately! But there’s a slight problem, this site ASOS… I might need someone to block it from my computers (work and home) before I spend all my overtime money in the UK and not putting it in my savings account for the new place (but thats for another post lol).

Anyway – while I attempt to try and control myself. (EEK!) Here’s a few that you can whet your taste buds with… although, this didn’t really help on the last shoe post, cuz I definitely copped those hot pink ones. I’M ONLY ONE WOMAN HERE GUYS!!! There’s only so much temptation I can endure!

(note: I totally couldn’t find these particular shoes on the site/just on the shoe banner – and I believe it’s for a reason. God knows I would have copped them immejutely!)

Ted Baker Eaven Geometric peep toe heeled court shoe $163

Karen Miller Colour block peep toe heeled court shoe $230

Nike Dunk high ’08 metallic trainer $120 {for the little bit of Omega in us all – shouts to C-Murder who whenever she is drunk thinks she is a Que lol)