Headscarves, bubble baths, and minty-fresh breath

19 03 2010

sooo cute, right? maybe not always...

Do I put the headscarf on when he sleeps over or do I thug it out and hope my hair holds up in the morning? What about if he’s staying the weekend – does that change your opinion then?

We’ve all been there. Wondering the kind of simplistic things involving men and women who have connected in some way recently, that on first glance don’t seem to matter much, buuuuuut really kinda do. Take the first instance for example. Everyone knows there’s absolutely nothing sexy about a head scarf, but what if u have plans the next day? Do you sacrifice your hair for the next day so you don’t look like Aint Jemima (that’s how I pronounce it) in the bed? And say you do sacrifice it – chances are, your hair will be fine after one night. But 2 nights, 3 nights??? Eh… Probably not so much… And before you know it, instead of looking like Aint Jemima, you now look like Macy Gray during the day.

These are the things that keep me and friends up at night.

Here’s a couple more:

BATHROOM TINKLES

Do I turn on the water while I use the bathroom, so he doesn’t hear me? Or is that too obvious because he’ll know I’ve turned on the water so he won’t hear me?

BUBBLE BATH PROBLEMS

Sure, that bubble bath he just drew me sounds great – but I have a feeling my recently Dominican blown out hair won’t appreciate the steam stemming from the tub… Or the water that inevitably splashes when two people try to squeeze in a tub together. Or the soap… and bubbles… that will get in your hair. There’s no doubting this. Same thing goes with a shower – when I take a shower by myself, I wear a shower cap. But with him, not really going to fly right? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

SEXY UNDERWEAR OR CUTE COTTON PANTIES

While similar to the “do I dress up or find something cute and casual” for this non-date, hanging out thing we’re doing tonight… the dilemma of the panties has its own characteristics. Sure, you want him to see the sexy, frilly lace hot pink boy short/push up bra combination you just recently bought (you know, in case something happens and your clothes happen to fall off on accident)… but isn’t that a dead giveaway that you in fact thought something might happen? The cute cotton panties, however, say – “I wasn’t planning on doing anything with you today, I just happen to wear Vicky Sec’s on a daily.” Which is cool and all, except you JUST BOUGHT the sexy, frilly lace hot pink boy short/push up bra combination and you want someone to see it! lol

FRESH BREATH

Okay, he slept over – greeeaaat! It’s officially now the morning after, and maybe you just slept or maybe you didn’t sleep at all, but at some point you’re going to roll over (assuming you’re in the spooning position) and your face is going to be directly in front of his face… and you’re going to want to kiss him. Come on – you know you are! Do you jump out of bed right as he leans in to brush your teeth real quick, make sure you wake up before him (a la Whitley Gilbert on A Different World) or try to stash some altoids near your bed for a quick lean-over before he notices. Probably the breath mints, right? – HA! Now, what do you do if you slept over by him? Changes things doesn’t it? lol

MOTHER NATURE

She can be a real beech, right? And I’m not even talking about a sneak attack period coming on, because most of us probably know our bodies enough to know that she’s on the way anyway. I’m talking about the other side of mother nature. The side that involves being gassy or having to do the #2. If you’re in a guy’s house and this happens – it can be a very unpretty thing. Because seriously, if you were worried about the bathroom tinkles, this will quite possibly mortify you. I’ll just say this as a tip – probably not a good idea to eat left over Chipotle at 4 am when you’ve been drinking all night and you’re staying at the guy’s place. You know, just in case you were thinking of doing something like that.

Alright kiddos, those were just a couple things that drive me and my girls up the wall. Can you think of any more? And if not, can you at least provide some great tricks on how to get around these almost inevitable run-ins with destiny?

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7 responses

19 03 2010
countryclubbarbie

Why is it always my fault?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?

OK, so couple things . . .

1. I’m peeing on myself about the Chipotle. Yes. Tinkling. Right. Now. That is co-me-dy!

2. If you are just gassy excuse yourself to the restroom. Unless you’re ultra-gassy, then find a way to make a swift exit. There is nothing cute about the unexpected laugh or sneeze fart. Just saying . . .

3. As far as spending the night as his house (and I’ll be using this tip in my post, lol) – scope out the bathroom ahead of time. I’m nosy as hell, so the first thing I do is figure out where he keeps the mouthwash/toothepaste. Then, the morning after you’ve passed out at his house (or have done un-passed out things) you’ll be able to make a quick dash to the little girls room. He won’t be all that surprised since we all tinkle when we wake up. When you’re washing your hands grab a swig of mouthwash or dab some toothpaste on your teeth. He won’t hear you and he’ll think you woke up minty fresh. Plus, he’s probably entirely too concerned about his morning breath to register what the heck you’re doing in there.

4. As long as you don’t announce he’s not getting any, and then magically have the “come get some” vicky secs on you’re in good shape, lol. But the second you announce it and then he sees them, you’ve been found out.

OK – that’s all I got for now, lol. Can’t give away all my secrets or I won’t have anything left for my own post, lol.

19 03 2010
dbaham

Because it ALWAYS IS!!!! LOL

Ok, so a couple responses…

1. LOL… I’m just sayin’. It could quite possibly not be a good look. That’s all.

2. Ohhhh emmm geeee!!! The unexpected laugh or sneeze fart may just get you put out – even if it’s your house! You know guys don’t like to think that happens to us LOL

3. See, here’s the problem with this idea: I have this extremely rational fear that if I ever try to open someone’s medicine cabinet on the sneak, something crazy like the glass breaking or all the contents crashing out of it will happen to me. It’s a rational fear because it really could happen to me – and it has seriously kept me from ever doing it. EVER. lol… therefore, this would not work for me unless he randomly has his mouthwash/toothpaste just sitting on the sink. And I would hope that he would have at least straightened up his bathroom a tiny bit knowing that I was coming over LOL.

Also – say we’re two people who happen to enjoy a little morning nookie. Am I really breaking the mood when he looks me in my eyes and starts to climb on top to run to the bathroom and get some mouthwash real quick???? Am I??? Am I REALLY?!?!?! LOL

4. This is truth right here, lol… though I think that even if you don’t announce there’s no sex going on, as soon as he sees the “come get somes,” he’s thinking OH I AM SOOOO GETTING SOME TONIGHT!!

Looking forward to your post hon!!! 🙂

8 04 2010
CBW

See, this is why I love FWBs… because eventually none of that shit matters.

8 04 2010
dbaham

HA HA! See, this is why I love you! LMAO!

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