Here’s What Happened when I Tried Online Dating

10 03 2015

Disclaimer: This isn’t everyone’s story about online dating, just mine. I am not seeking to encourage or discourage online dating in this post.

About a year ago, I decided I would try online dating. While I don’t think I have a hard time getting approached in real life, I was finding that I was meeting the same kind of guy over and over. So I thought I’d try to expand my options. And I figured at the very least, I’d have something to write for the blog haha.

I created my profile, added some pictures, and immediately began receiving messages and “likes.” (Note: One thing I will say about online dating is that it’s a major ego boost!)

However, just like meeting folks in person, you have to weed out the “characters.” And so, after a couple messages here and there, I was ready to meet my first person. We Skyped first to make sure that neither of us was being catfished, and then set plans for our first date.

Now, the guy and date were nice enough. We had pleasant conversation while having a drink at one of D.C.’s popular restaurants. We laughed, exchanged war stories, and talked about the things most people talk about on a first date. Thing was, I could tell dude was far more interested in me than I was in him. Or rather, interested in the idea of me. My theory was very quickly proven by the way he soon tried to check me about things I’d written in my blog (that he found on his own) and the way he started making “we” declarations way too early on.

My take? Nice guy, but very ready for a relationship… when I was just trying to let life take me where it wanted.

The next guy was the complete opposite. We Skyped as well and made plans for our first date. I cancelled those plans after he tried to tell me 3 hours before we were to meet up at 7pm that he actually wouldn’t be available until after 10pm. Ummmm… what are we doing after 10pm on a Tuesday, sir? Not dating, that’s for sure. This dude would proceed to try to early booty call me for the next few weeks before I finally let him know that I wasn’t hard up for peen, and I wasn’t looking for someone to say he wants to date me when he really just wants to have sex with me. Basically, I told him to be honest about what he wanted and that was over before it started.

You know what happened then? Every dude I talked to from the site either fell in one or the other category. Essentially, he wanted to marry me (or thought I wanted to marry anyone) immediately or he was just looking to hook-up.

Needless to say, I was completely unimpressed.

Here I was just looking to meet new people, have fun dating, and maybe lick a few teeth — and I was getting everything but that. I mean, who tries to check someone about their blog posts when you’re not even their man??

So after a bit of time, I gave up the online ghost. I know some folks who’ve had great success with it, but it wasn’t for me. Plus, it’s kind of hard to flirt the way I’m good at flirting through a computer. And honestly, flirting is kind of one of the most fun things I like about meeting new guys. On the bright side, my foray into online dating made me appreciate the other way so much more. There’s just something about the old fashioned way of meeting someone out when you least expect it.

What about you all? Have you ever tried any of the online dating sites? If so, what was your experience? And would you do it again?

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2 responses

15 03 2015
JaneDoe

Yeah, basically you got the same results as you would if you met a guy on the street. I’m glad that you did Skype first. Catfish gives me a few laughs when I stumble upon it while changing the channel on a commercial break, but it’s horrifying to these people lie.

I’ve never been on a dating site. Hence, I’m the person who doesn’t have any social media presence lol. So putting my face out there for everyone to see isn’t for me. I know quite a few people who have done it and it did work for them.

I meet guys but they fall into two categories as well: mentally unstable or looking for a hook up. I don’t get approached often because I’ve been told I look intimidating. My female friends have told me this as well. But they all say if people actually knew me, they’d know I have a huge sense of humor and really nice.

I think I’ve partially given up on dating. The last date I went on was nearly 2 years ago (which isn’t uncommon for me because I’ve gone as long as 3 years). I’ve decided to work on me spiritually and my financial stability. As I approach 30 and my friends are either married, engaged, or in long term relationships, I no longer desire it as I once used to.

I don’t think anything is wrong with online dating as long as people are being safe and cautious as you were. It just isn’t my cup of tea. I was one who would have preferred the old fashion way of meeting too.

16 03 2015
dbaham

Yea, basically I got the same results EXCEPT that I’m totally someone who gets vibes off of people when I meet someone in real life… and I was not as able to get vibes off of them (even with Skyping previously). So that was a bit distressing for me.

So funny that you mention the approaching thing as a problem for you. I actually have a few posts coming up that discuss that particular topic, because it came up in conversation a lot during my most recent trip that involved men and women, and I was able to pull a lot from that that I think could be helpful. Also, being approached really isn’t a problem for me (Mine is staying around lol)… so hopefully I can bring a new perspective that’s fun and not so unnerving to try.

Lastly, it makes me sad to hear that you’ve partially given up on dating. I totally get working on oneself (and I think it’s something a lot of folks don’t take the time to do, so kudos!), BUT whenever I hear people say that, I tell them this quote from Maya Angelou: “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” Love (and dating and relationships) is one of the most vulnerable things we as people can engage in. The very idea of it puts you in a position to be hurt astronomically. But I honestly believe we were not built by God to live life alone, so at a certain point, we have to put all those negative expectations and excuses and fears behind us and “trust love one more time… and always one more time.” That’s the only way it works. I hope after you’ve done your spiritual work on yourself, you choose to try it again.

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