All Wedding Everything

16 10 2014
Photo: 365til30.com

Photo: 365til30.com

Recently, I found myself a bridesmaid to one of my very best friends.

Well you know what I learned about being a bridesmaid?

Your friend’s wedding (and weddings in general) tend to begin to consume the conversation.

As in, my friends and I would be talking about normal topics and all of a sudden, someone would mention something we still had left to do for the wedding and the conversation would go a little something like this.

Friend/Other bridesmaid: OMG, did you get your dress back from the tailor yet?

Me: Not yet, I get it back on Tuesday.

BM: Oh ok, I got mine today. It looks really good.

Me: Oh that’s great!

BM: Yea, I was pleasantly surprised since it’s not a color or style I would have picked, but it really does look good. Speaking of colors or styles I would pick, just so you know I plan to have a black and white wedding.

Me: Oh yea?

BM: Yep. And I want it on [redacted date], and I’m going to have all my bridesmaids where [redacted color].

Me: That’s so funny. I was thinking sometime in [redacted month] would be good for me since it would have to be in New Orleans, and I don’t want anyone dying from heat exhaustion down there.

BM: Oh good, I’m glad you’ve thought about me, because I absolutely would die if you tried to have it in July or something like that.

Me: Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you lol.

Here’s what funny about this conversation and the other ones very similar to it — none of us (the other folks in the bridal party who were not already married) are anywhere close to actually getting married to even be discussing things like this. But it’s what happens when wedding stuff is on your brain. Or at least it’s what happened to us.

I found myself sending my girls potential bridesmaid dresses and discussing colors and locations and potential bridal shower ideas and all sorts of things that NO ONE should be discussing prior to being in the position to discuss it.

Now, let me be clear. It’s not that any of us are anxious to get married. I tell people all the time that while I would prefer to get married one day, I’d rather be happy and single than married and miserable, meaning I’m not looking to marry anyone just to say I’m married. Heck, I’m still at the point where I actively correct people who say I have a boyfriend and let them know that “I’m dating someone, but he is not my man.” So the conversations weren’t prevalent because of some deep desire I have to be married that I was finally letting out.

No, they were cute, frivolous conversations about what we would and wouldn’t do when it was our turn. They were often funny, sometimes serious, but if anyone had ever listened in without our knowledge, they probably would have thought we were crazy. Why are these very single girls speaking about what they’d do on their wedding day as if it’s anywhere near happening for them, they’d wonder. And all I’d have to say to them is that it’s because weddings consume.

That’s what I learned as a bridesmaid. They consume your thoughts. Your conversations. Your actions (who wasn’t on a diet to look good on those official wedding photos??). Your everything.

So while I am so very happy that I had the immense honor to be a part of one of my besties’ days, and to stand up with her as she pledged her vows to her husband in front of God and her family and friends, I am also so very happy that it’s over.

Maybe now, the wedding talks can pause for just a bit. At least until the next friend gets engaged.

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12 responses

16 10 2014
bpcharles

Girl. I was plotting on who was going to walk in my bridal party before there was even a hint of a man on the horizon. I hear you on how weddings just consume everything. I surrounded myself with so much wedding stuff when I was planning that now I can barely stomach reading/watching anything wedding related.
Congrats to your friend, her wedding seemed lovely from the pictures and you looked hawt!

16 10 2014
dbaham

Oh good! Then we weren’t alone! hahahahahaha — because that was also discussed.

And yikes! I can absolutely see how that can happen, though. It’s soooo consuming. Which is crazy, because it’s literally a few hours in a day, but it takes over EVERYTHING lol. Did you have a big wedding?

Awww thanks love :). I’ll be sure to pass on the congrats to her as well lol

16 10 2014
bpcharles

We had about 200 guests which totally was not my idea. Lol. And you’re right, all that planning and its over in a few hours. I had a monster headache and barely ate any of the food. Although, I did dance through my pain. Hubs asked me if I ever wanted to renew our vows and my “hell no” was swift!

16 10 2014
dbaham

Yea, that was about how many she had as well. Whew chile!! More power to ya. At least you got to dance?? That really sucks about the headache though 😦

LMAO! Not that swift “hell no”! ahahahahahaha

16 10 2014
bpcharles

Lol. I had to dance especially when it was time for the money dance in Nigerian tradition. Lol.

16 10 2014
dbaham

OH! Listen — I had a front row view of the money dance for my friend’s wedding in May, and it was all kinds of amazing. I was like, can I incorporate this into the secondline tradition of New Orleans weddings and make some money while I’m getting down with my bad self??? LOL

See how I was even thinking about my future potential wedding even then? Smh.

16 10 2014
bpcharles

LOL! I don’t think its a bad idea to think about it because why not?–its just when people start reserving receptions halls and hiring ministers before they even have a date and the man.

16 10 2014
dbaham

Okay, now yes that is definitely taking it too far LOL

17 10 2014
JaneDoe

I always feel like the odd ball with wedding stuff. I’ve honestly never saw myself getting married. I’ve always seen myself as the single friend, and that’s how all my friends see me as well because I’m always single one out of the group. Is that odd? I’m in my late 20s. With my friends, I’ve given them ideas and helped them with their weddings, but I can’t stand going to the actual ceremony and reception. I believe they are beautiful ceremonies but even as a kid I’d drag my feet going LOL.

I’ve never envisioned a dress or a ceremony or bridesmaids dresses. I have said that if I ever got married I’d go the courthouse on a Thursday, go on my honeymoon for the weekend and be back at work by Monday. Lol Well I guess that could be considered planning it, it just isn’t the traditional route.

21 10 2014
dbaham

Hahaha, hey I’m all for living life however it makes you happy. So I wouldn’t say it’s odd at all. What’s really funny though is that I know at least 5 women who were like you and are married now, so go figure LOL

But there are all kinds of ways to do your ceremony other than the traditional route. I have one friend who got married at the courthouse and then she and her husband took a two week honeymoon. Another friend had a really small ceremony right after church service and then a big reception a few months later. So really it’s however you want to do it, IF you decide you want to do it all.

24 10 2014
JaneDoe

People laugh and say the same thing to me lol. They say, “Just because you say you don’t see yourself getting married, you’ll be next.” I’m not swearing it off but I’m not looking for it either. I think the courthouse or getting married in a pastor’s office is more intimate.

27 10 2014
dbaham

I can understand that. I definitely was always that little girl who wanted the fairytale wedding, but now I want something a little more intimate as well. Of course, since I’m from the South, more intimate means like 100 instead of 200 lol

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