Lost for Words

14 10 2014

“When I try to explain it, I be sounding insane. The words don’t ever come out right. I get all tongue-tied and twisted. I can’t explain what I’m feeling. And I say baby, baby, baby, baby I… what I’m trying to say is you’re my everything, baby. But every time I try to say it, words, they only complicate it.” ~ Ariana Grande

Have you ever been so in like that you find yourself tongue-tied sometimes when it comes to expressing that to said person?

I know I have. On more occasions that I care to admit, especially for someone who manipulates words for a living.

I’ll find myself babbling on for minutes when a simple “you make me smile” would have sufficed. Or end up saying really lofty and dramatic statements like “my whole being feels safe when I’m around you,” when I really just wanted to say that I’m comfortable around him but not in a way that makes me complacent — just in a “this feels natural type of way.”

What’s amazing is that I can write this out fairly succinctly for the blog, but just as with Ariana G – when I’d try to say it to the guy, I’d get all flustered and suddenly be at a loss for words. All at once, I’d begin to doubt the words coming out of my mouth (as I was saying them!!), so I’d try to switch course and end up sounding like a crazy person.

Am I the only one who has experienced this? I feel like I’m not, but because it’s happened so often for me, I have of course attempted to figure out why.

And what I’ve come up with — at least for now, is that I’m thinking it’s less about not being able to find the right words and more about worrying what those words mean to me that gets me stuck. Like if I say out loud that dude is one of the reasons I’m happy, it makes it more real, harder to take back, and let’s be honest — gives it much more power. I know we’re not supposed to talk about that side of liking someone — the scary, what does this mean for me, how does this change me side. But it’s there.

Anytime you start thinking “we” and not just “I,” it’s there.

And I think that scary factor or the concern that I sound insane is what makes the words then become so complicated. At least for me. At least when I try to express them to dude.¹

And it ends up sounding like, “Baby, baby… baby, baby I…” LOL.

What about you all? Do you have any stories of times when your words came out like a crazy person while you were trying to express your feelings to someone?

1 Not as much anymore, because I’m getting more comfortable with just letting my feelings be what they are, but you know, I’m a work in progress, so sometimes, it’s still like that.

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4 responses

17 10 2014
JaneDoe

As a person who writes herself, I’m good at expressing and communicating everything except my feelings. Instead of babbling, I COMPLETELY shut down and say nothing at all and I mean NOTHING. I have more of the deer in headlights kind of reaction. At least you’ve gotten something out lol. You’ve gotten much further than me grasshopper.

21 10 2014
dbaham

LMAO! I see us writers all have problems with expressing ourselves verbally. I can see how completely shutting down would be a bad thing, but don’t discount the awfulness of the babbling either. There is nothing cute about spouting out 500 word sentences in front of someone LOL

24 10 2014
JaneDoe

You know it’s bad when a guy ask to have a talk and men neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr want to have a talk lol. Every time I hear, “I don’t get it, I don’t understand you because you NEVER say how you feel. What are you thinking about?!” And again I’m standing there mute like a deer in headlights lol.

Oddly, you would think men would love it because I don’t yell or argue, I shut down instead. Nope, not the case.

27 10 2014
dbaham

Yea that is bad LOL. You got it bad, girl haha

I used to as well, though — so don’t feel too bad. I think my attempt to get out my shut down ways is what has brought on the exact opposite — the blubbery fool. Because after so many conversations with men telling me they didn’t know if I actually liked them (when we were DATING… I mean duh!), I tried to start expressing myself more. And sometimes, that can be a very interesting experiment lolol

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