Love & Sex: Do You Need Either One for the Other to be Great?

7 10 2014



And sex.

Many would say the two are very mutually exclusive things. Meaning that you can have great sex without being in love, and you can be in love but not have great sex. That the greatness of one is not dependent on the existence of the other.

A few years ago, I would have probably been a part of that many. Now, though, I’m starting to wonder just how exclusive they are. Don’t get me wrong — I still think plenty of people are capable of having great sex without having emotions involved. And I think there are occasions where two people can be in love and have bad sex, although, damn — that sounds awful. Where my opinion wavers a bit is on the complete separation of the two.

So basically, I’ve been wondering just how much the two can exist by themselves without the other? Can you be in love and have lots of bad sex or no sexual chemistry whatsoever? And if you’re in love and you have not so great sex, does that make you begin to question your relationship? And if you have great sex a lot with someone who you initially had no feelings for, do you necessarily begin to start having feelings for him or her?

It’s a lot to ponder, I know. But I guess it’s just because I find that we talk a lot about love and a lot about sex these days, but rarely on the connection between the two and definitely not on what makes either great. Even our music tends to separate them as if they have nothing in common. It’s either a freaky deaky sex song or a love song, rarely ever both.

What I think I’m leaning towards is something I recently learned about bourbon — that while all bourbon is whiskey, all whiskey is not bourbon. Which means while most people in love have great sex (or sexual chemistry if you’re waiting), everyone having great sex does not need to be in love. So depending on the person, some folks can have great sex without being emotionally connected to the other individual involved (although I do think this concept has a time limit — you have sex with someone enough over a long enough period of time and someone will catch feelings). But I do think that it would be difficult to have lots of bad sex or not have the desire to tear your significant other’s clothes off when you see him or her sometimes and still count yourself as being in love.

But I don’t know. I could be wrong. And maybe I’m making the association between the two too important. I know for me, I’ve certainly had times when they weren’t connected in anyway. But if you were to ask me to rank my sexual partners over my adult life, I’d definitely end up ranking the ones I had feelings for higher than the others in general (with an exception or two scattered in there).

What do you all think? Are love and sex connected more often than we’d like to admit when it comes to making either better? Or do you think they’re two separate entities that can sometimes join up together, but are perfectly fine on their own?




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