The Easiest Way to Guarantee Less Sex from Your Partner

24 07 2014
A view of the spreadsheet in question... Photo via NY Post

A view of the spreadsheet in question…
Photo via NY Post

If you were to happen to be wondering what the easiest way is to make sure your partner wants to have as little sex with you as possible — I’ve found it for you! (Not sure why you’d want to do this if you’re not celibate or a virgin or taking things slow… but you know whatever works for you.)

Create a spreadsheet detailing all the times you’ve asked her for sex over the past few weeks and she’s turned you down. Oh, but don’t forget to send it to her as she’s heading on a 10-day trip. AND you can’t leave out the fact that you won’t miss her on those 10 days, because it’s not like if she were there, you’d be having sex anyway.

Oh…. what’s that you’re saying?

That’s not something you’d actually like to do? Hmmm. OK. Because I mean I thought that was the goal… no sex for you and your lady. No? Oh.

Listen, I get it. I’m sure this guy was super frustrated mentally and physically about the lack of sex in his marriage. I would be too. And I also get that asking your partner for sex is something that leaves a lot of people feeling extremely vulnerable.. and then to be rejected almost every time he asked — I get it. It’s not a good combination.

However, this spreadsheet business won’t produce the effect he’s looking for. Shaming your wife into more sex never does.

And really, what they should be getting at is why she doesn’t feel comfortable having sex with him anymore. Could it be because he sounds entitled to her body? Or not at all interested in the fact that she’s admitted to feeling less secure because of recent weight gain?

I’m sure it’s a combination of those and more. And while I initially laughed at the craziness and audacity of the spreadsheet, the more I thought about it, the sorrier I felt for the wife. From the outside looking in, it doesn’t seem as if she has the most supportive husband in the world. Maybe he is — but that spreadsheet doesn’t show it. It shows all the times he made note to himself that she didn’t fulfill his needs.

But here’s the thing. It’s no secret that guys want sex (ladies do too, but we’re talking about the guys here for a second). So if your lady is constantly rejecting that, you have to know there’s a deeper reason behind it. She’s not actively trying to not fulfill his needs, but I’d be willing to bet she felt like he wasn’t concerned about hers.

Wouldn’t it have been better for him to say, “Hey babe — I noticed that you haven’t really been eager to make love these days. Is there something going on? What can we do to get our connection back?” I mean, c’mon — that would have been so much better! And guess what? It probably would have actually gotten him what he wanted, because she would have felt like he was so sweet for being concerned about her.

This spreadsheet, on the other hand, was an attack. A hurtful attack by someone who felt rejected, but not anything that would actually help their marriage. I hope he’s learned that by now. At the very least, Reddit users have told him so.

Have you ever done something like this before? Not necessarily creating a spreadsheet of all the times your partner rejected you, but acted out in anger and hurt and realized later that a better way was available? What did you do to resolve it? Maybe we can give this dude some suggestions too, because he’s got a lot of making up to do.





6 responses

24 07 2014

It’s been a long minute since I’ve commented, but I kinda feel compelled to here. First I’ll say that I completely agree that this spreadsheet was a horrible idea. My boys and I got a good laugh about how ridiculous it was (though a person, we all were like “he had to be SUPER frustrated to actually set up tables and stuff lol). Also, I agree 100% that if she is not willing to meet his needs, he’s probably failing to meet hers in some way he’s clearly missing. Thirdly, I agree that he’s definitely not entitled to her body, or anybody else’s for that matter. But I will say in defense of the poor guy, his wife needs to understand that she is his only sexual outlet (ethically anyway, right?). That’s part of the oath they took to each other (and you know, that’s getting more real for me by the day! lol). Anyway, the more I thought about after I stopped laughing, the more I thought I hope everybody involved gets a come to Jesus meeting (and some counseling!)…Thought provoking piece as always D. Magic! (Is it still safe to call you that on the interwebs? lol).

24 07 2014

Heyyyyyyy!!! Welcome back to the comment section LOL…

I’m obviously with you on all the things you agreed with me on haha… but actually, I do really understand what you’re saying about how the wife needs to understand she is his only sexual outlet. I just think that he went about letting her know ish wasn’t working for him anymore in the absolute worst way possible lolol. I mean, if there were a prize to be given out — he would have that on lock!

And hahahaha — D Magic can always and forever be used (on the interwebs or otherwise lol).

24 07 2014

Absolutely no argument there! I’m just thinking if it got to that point, it had to be really bad for more than a month. But I’m still 2 months away from being married, so I can’t fully call it yet. A spreadsheet should never be the move, though it provided MUCH entertainment for my married/soon-to-be married crew. We were like “Friends isn’t even new anymore!” haha.

24 07 2014

Maaaaaybe it was her favorite episode!!!

LOL — clearly I’m joking, but yea I imagine it probably was really bad. But I imagine there’s probably a lot more wrong in their relationship than just not having sex either. Then again, that goes back to whether or not she felt like her emotional needs were being met in order for her to fulfill his sexual ones.

24 07 2014

Yeah, I think those are equally valid issues. Of course we don’t know each of these people, so we’ll never know the real deal. But it’s kind of like the chicken and egg a little bit to me. He’d probably do better if she did better, but of course she would also do better most likely if he did (unless they’ve just decided they’re done with each other for real lol). Anyway, this is all why they always marriage is hard!

24 07 2014

hahaha yea, you’re probably right about the chicken and the egg.

And yea, I’m sure it is probably why they say that! Your boyfriend does this kind of thing, and he’s getting kicked to the curb imejutly. Your husband though?! Sigh… there’s vows and things to consider. Same thing if you look at it from his perspective as well — although I can’t promise that once I got home (even as a wife) that I wouldn’t change the locks on his ass so he could really feel what it was like to be rejected. But I’m still dealing with my petty ways (and also not in the process of getting married lol).

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