OHHH The Thoughts that come from Attending a Wedding!

3 06 2014
Photo from the wedding this weekend

Photo from the wedding this weekend

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to see one of my dearest friends get married. (And according to Instagram and Facebook, I wasn’t the only one. This was a popular wedding weekend!) It was a beautiful ceremony filled with lots of laughing, dancing, good food, great decor, and a loving atmosphere that permeated the room.

Now I’ve attended my fair share of weddings at this point, and they all have their moments that tend to stand out to me. One friend’s wedding had me crying from the moment she walked down the aisle to the time when she and her hubby secondlined out of the reception. Seriously, I was blubbering fool that day. Another set of friends made their wedding the ultimate party — we danced the night away and reveled in not only their partnership, but in the clear friendship they’d built along their journey. Well this wedding had it’s moments as well — and some of the more memorable ones for me were during the speeches.

There was the speech from her dad, which was super sweet, of course, and talked about how he had no doubts about their union. That he was proud of both of them and was there to be a guide to both of them, not just her. There was the speech by the emcee of the evening. His wasn’t necessarily all that outstanding, but he knew her personally as a friend, and so the story that he recounted, I also knew. It was of the time that he was sure she was falling for the man who would one day be her husband. He told of how they were at dinner and she kept inadvertently bringing up his name. “Well [redacted] probably wouldn’t get that for dinner,” she’d say. Or “You know that’s so funny! [Redacted] would love to hear that story — he’d crack up laughing!” She, of course, didn’t realize she was doing that at the time… as most girls don’t, even though we all totally do it when we really like someone.¹

His story reminded me of that same time I spent with her. She’d initially had feelings for someone else the last time we’d caught up, but when I saw her again — her eyes all of a sudden lit up when she mentioned future hubby. She couldn’t stop smiling. She was definitely all in — and they hadn’t made any commitments to each other at this point, you could just tell he was the business for her. I asked her then if she still had any feelings for the other guy, and I can remember to this day what she said. She looked at me and said, “Darbs, he’s still around, I guess, but this guy – he makes me feel like no other man matters. He’s the one I find myself wanting to spend all my time with.” At that moment I knew they would end up getting married. She wasn’t speaking of marriage at the time, but you could just tell. It’s like how people ask “how do you know when someone is the one for you,” and the answer is “you just know.” I just knew… and anyone around her then knew as well.

But as great as it was to remember that moment through the story being told by her friend/the emcee, it paled in comparison to hearing her groom speak about his bride. By the end of his speech, he was thanking her for being the kind, compassionate, giving, encouraging, fierce force that she is. And as tears were falling down his face, speaking about how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her, I couldn’t stop cheesing because I knew my friend had picked the right man to stand with her for the rest of her days.

As weddings sometimes do, this one made me reflect on some of my more recent dating interactions, and it reminded me of a conversation with one of my good friends. In that conversation, she’d pointed out something to me that while made perfect sense once she said it, was something I’d never considered before — that knowing for yourself that someone is the one for you is great, but that two people couldn’t move forward until it was just as clear to the guy what you were to him. In other words, you both had to be sure. Again, this isn’t rocket science, but it struck me at the time that I’d never before considered that part of the equation. Even in my blog post on being sure, what did I focus on the whole time? Me! How I wanted to be sure. How I wanted to know that I know that I know, but never a thought about him.

Never on the future hubby that I’d want to spend my life with.

And because I hadn’t focused on it, I can look back and see how that impacted those relationships. There have been times when I think my friends would probably say that they saw a spark in me as I talked about a guy I really liked or a difference in my demeanor if he called while I was out with them. And there have been others where I was probably going through the motions, and just how I knew my friend was falling for her guy, my friends could probably tell those guys had no chance. But even though I can look back and clearly denote which guys fell into each category for me now, I’d have a hard time telling you which ones lit up when they mentioned my name. I’d be hard pressed to tell you if either saw a future with me (even the ones who claimed they did), even SGWMMS. Watching [redacted] make his speech at the wedding, though, made it instantly clear to me that it’s not good enough to just know on your end.

Honestly, it never really was good enough. But because of them, I was able to see the difference right in front of me. And I’m so thankful that I did.

1 And if you think you’re the exception, it’s either because you haven’t really really liked someone, or it’s because you haven’t asked your friends if you do it. Guarantee they’ll say that you’ll do. We all find some way to bring up said guy’s name in conversation. It’s just what we do!

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