I’m lucky. Or blessed. Lucky and blessed? However, you want to call it — I’m privileged that I’ve had the opportunity to see some close friends’ unions grow into healthy marriages. So while I firmly believe that every person and union has his/her/its own path to follow, I also believe there’s no point in reinventing the wheel when you see something that across the board works.
Such is the case with one particular aspect of these relationships that I’ve found not only works, but works REALLY well — when you and your partner support each other in your dreams and efforts.
That sounds simple. I know it does. Like, duh, Darb, obviously we’d support each other. That’s what you’re thinking, right? But I can tell you firsthand that I’ve dated guys who didn’t know my goals in any real sort of detail, really weren’t all that interested in knowing them either — much less supporting them, and didn’t really want to discuss their ambitions in life on a consistent basis. And the thing is, it wasn’t that these were bad guys. That just wasn’t the type of relationship we had. We knew the basics of what we both wanted to do in life, but we weren’t involved in the minutiae of it.
But in the times when I’ve dated guys where we do support each other, oh my goodness, it’s soooo different. And actually pretty freakin’ amazing!
With one guy I dated a few years back, we’d call each other every morning to make sure we were up and on the grind. “What are you planning to write about today,” he’d ask me (or some variation of that). And after we discussed what I was going to do, I’d ask him how many miles he was heading out to run that morning. ¹ Now, anyone who knows me really well knows that I’m so far from being a morning person, but with this guy, I liked talking to him every morning because it was motivating and encouraging, and something that we both needed at the time.
I’ve seen this same kind of support within the relationships of some of my friends. It’s not always external and something that everyone can see like standing next to your partner while he or she is receiving an award (although sometimes it is that), but it’s always something that you can tell is happening. Somewhere in that union they’ve been encouraging each other to keep going, keep grinding, keep heading towards each other’s visions. And it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to recognize the support they’ve given and continue to give each other as true partners.
So now I find that happening with the guys I date (or at least the ones I date with a purpose). SGWMMS is one of the first people I contact when there’s an update on my book or in my job, because I know he’s invested himself in this process. He wants to know how things are going, and is almost as over the moon excited as I am (even over the smallest of updates) when I have a good news. Same goes with his goals. I’m in the details, helping him with edits and supporting him however I can. Not because I have to, or because I think it’s something I need to check off, but because I want to be a part of the good things that happen in his life.
As I continue to date and seek to learn from every experience, that’s something I know I want now. It’s no longer sprinkles on the cake — pretty decoration, but not necessarily needed. No, it’s something I desire in a relationship with my guy. To have that support between us two, that push, that feeling that we’re in this together even though it’s his or my goal. It’s just something about that support that creates the type of connection I want in my union. And hey, it doesn’t hurt that it also provides the opportunity for us to be an unstoppable pair.
1 He was training to get back into track, so running every morning was crucial to his goals.