On Being Sure

13 05 2014

“I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful. I am sure, I am steady, and I know. I am a heart man: I take them apart, I put them back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart, beats for you. And on this day, the day of my wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hand. I promise you ME.”

I am a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan. You all pretty much know this, right? Well, if you’re anything like me, you have favorite episodes of the show. One episode I count as one of my faves is when Cristina Yang is left at the altar by her then love and mentor, Dr. Preston Burke. I know it sounds crazy to say such a sad episode is one of my favorites, but it is because it represented so much of why Grey’s is Grey’s. It was hopeful and funny and optimistic, if not reluctantly so, but then also excruciatingly tragic, forcing you to have all the feels possible in a span of 60 minutes. I was reminded of this when they recently re-aired that episode.

In particular, I was reminded while watching the scene shown above where Preston Burke practices his vows in the operating room. But what really struck me was the difference in how I personally reacted to the episode years later. When it originally aired, I remember thinking his vows were a really sweet sentiment, but being focused way more on the drama occurring with some of the other characters. And then of course, if you’ve ever seen the ending when Cristina is literally cut out of her wedding dress, it’s hard not to remember that as the pivotal moment of the episode.

This time though? I was captivated by the practicing of Burke’s vows, but not just his vows — three words in particular. For some reason, I just couldn’t get the words, “I am sure” out of my head. He repeats it a few times. He even contrasts it with other feelings that sound great, but were opposite to his — he was not hopeful or optimistic; he was sure.

Sure in his heart, sure in his mind, sure in his spirit — he just knew.

What an amazing concept, right? To know that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with someone. To have no doubts or worries. To have a clear understanding that even with life’s ups and downs, there’s no other person you’d rather be with.

I would love to get to that point one day. That point of clarity. To (as the old folks say) know that I know that I know. And I don’t think I realized before watching the episode again this year just how important that was to me. It seems obvious, I suppose. Heck, it’s no coincidence that after a few moments of silence, another doctor says to him, “Well, I think I speak for every woman in this room when I say: dump her, dump Yang, and marry me”. But for me, it just didn’t resonate until now.

Now though? I want all kinds of clarity. I want to be sure. I won’t go as far as saying that I don’t want to be hopeful, but I will say that I want to just know without a shadow of a doubt. I want to know in the same way I know I will be a published book author one day. Or the same way in which I know my parents love me. Neither of those thoughts come with questions for me — they are facts as far as I’m concerned. They don’t always look like it in the natural (the book one, not the parents’ love one), but because I am so certain in that, my faith tells me it’s truth. I want that in any future relationship as well. I want to be like Preston Burke and say, “I am steady. I am sure. I know.” Granted, I’d prefer the relationship not end the way his did, but I also don’t plan on having my mom shave future hubby’s eye brows (so there’s clear differences here lol).

What do you all think? How important is being sure in a relationship for you? And have you ever gotten there? If so, what made you so certain?

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3 responses

22 05 2014
cwinston0724

Good post! I feel the same way! I think in order to be sure you have to have a strong faith and trust yourself. By the way in a huge greys anatomy fan to lol

22 05 2014
dbaham

Thanks!! And I completely agree with you on what it takes to be sure… I’m learning that for me, I’m sure (on all things, not just in my relationships) when I feel like I’ve received that confirmation from God, and I have a peace in my decision. I just hadn’t thought of it in that way regarding my future guy until recently.

YAAAAY for being a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan!!

3 06 2014
OHHH The Thoughts that come from Attending a Wedding! | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] move forward until it was just as clear to the guy what you were to him. In other words, you both had to be sure. Again, this isn’t rocket science, but it struck me at the time that I’d never before […]

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