Why the Follow-up is Just as Important as the First Date

19 03 2014
Photo: http://lindsiinthefastlane.com

This is great, but what happens after…
Photo: http://lindsiinthefastlane.com

You know how everyone talks about the importance of first impressions? And how when you think about it afterward, you realize that while first impressions are very important, so are second and third impressions as well?

Well, that’s how I feel about the all important-ness we place on the first date. Sure, it’s crucial — especially if you’ve never met the person before. But I think we’ve all experienced a situation at least once where the date was a bit of an awkward disaster, but the guy or girl showed enough promise that your interest was still piqued. Or hell, even worse, the date went perfectly well, and yet, the person ended up being a complete bust going forward.

I thought about this the other day when I was watching one of my favorite shows, Suits. In the episode, one of the main characters was telling his girlfriend how his dad was one of those people who celebrated everything. And because of that, his dad had decided one night to celebrate the anniversary of the first date he’d had with the guy’s mom, his wife. Of course, based on how the conversation was going, and well because they obviously ended up getting married and having at least one kid, the main character’s girlfriend assumed that the date had been perfect.

Wrong, he told her.

It had been a horrible date. But it was the follow-up after the date that told his mom she would eventually fall in love with this man.

I think that same thing happens in real life. So often we spend so much energy on what the first date will be like or what the first impression will be, when really, while all those things are great — they don’t mean anything if you don’t at least get a follow-up text telling you the girl you’re interested in loved the time she had with you and wants to see you again. And any girl can tell you how horrifying it is to think you’ve met someone you connected with only to have him wait a week before calling you again. It makes you feel like the interest isn’t really there. Like there’s no urgency or anticipation in his efforts.

And really, that’s what the follow-up or lack of a follow-up ultimately shows you if you pay attention. It shows you whether or not your addition to his or her life is urgent. Now that doesn’t mean grand gestures — remember, this isn’t a romantic comedy after all. But small, simple ways that show your interest can be enough to tell someone that eventually, we may celebrate the anniversary of our first date. Which is kind of like the ultimate follow-up, if you think about it.

What do you all think? Is the follow-up just as important for you as the initial date? And have you had some pretty great follow-ups? I’m in a romantic mood and would love to hear some!

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4 responses

19 03 2014
29tolife

I approve this message. First dates are like job interviews. You really can’t get into a person. It’s a good start and sure if you have one of those epic dates that last all night or all day because you just don’t want it to end, it’s cool. But first dates alone don’t determine the altitude of where the relationship is headed. Nope. Some of my first dates were complete blunders but the followup dates talking about what a wreck the first date was really started the connection.

20 03 2014
dbaham

Exactly! You’re still getting that person’s representative, as some people like to say.

Girl, I had one first date where I’d just had a dental procedure done like a day before and for some reason chose to get hot coffee on the date. So using what I thought was good logic at the time, I got a straw to help me drink the coffee, thinking it would help me position the coffee away from my very, very sensitive gums and teeth. Negative. I took one sip through the straw and spit out all the coffee on to myself and the guy.

This was 10 minutes into the date.

But the next day, we laughed so much about that incident while talking on the phone (shocking concept, I know!) that I knew that guy would stick around for a little bit.

21 03 2014
29tolife

Blunders on dates will bring you together. I’m telling you!!! Everyone is trying to be so cool that it helps make folks human and not a candidate for a position!

21 03 2014
dbaham

That’s so very true!! And it makes it more memorable too. I can absolutely remember my blunders and the ways the guys responding to them more than whatever else happened on dates from my past. And because I’m a bit of a clutz, I have some doosies. But if a guy can laugh with me about them, he’s alright in my book lol

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