“When you really boil it down, isn’t that what we all essentially want? Someone to love.”
His comment through me off a bit, so much so that at first, I tried to make a joke about it.
“I mean, sure, sometimes. But sometimes you just want to have a little fun too, you know? Sometimes a date is just the precursor to a little bow chicka wow wow” I laughed.
“Right, but I don’t mean those kinds. I mean, when you’re for real dating someone — everyone, men and women alike, we’re all looking for that person we’re going to love forever.”
I think that was about the time I stopped joking and got real that night.
“You are absolutely right,” I said. “It’s just kind of uncomfortable sometimes to admit that.”
“Well yea,” he said. “Because no one wants to be the person who fell in love with someone who didn’t fall in love with them. But in order to really be in love, you have to take that chance.”
This was part of a conversation I had with a good friend a few weeks ago as he prepared to leave DC for a better job and a warmer climate. And while the conversation initially started off very light and surface-like, it eventually turned into a discussion about the differences in the ways that men and women view dating/relationships. But instead of just staying on the typical “women like to talk, men like to see you in person” type conversation, somehow we eventually transitioned to the part of the conversation I presented at the beginning of this post.
Well, okay — it’s a little disingenuous for me to say, “somehow, we transitioned…” I actually know just how it happened. We were talking about the flirtationship that I had last year when I pointed out that despite the fun times I had with that guy, I knew it wasn’t going to be about anything serious when I first entered into it. And that that realization was something I was happy to say was a part of my growth in relationships. It makes it a lot easier to let someone go when you know “this person is here for a season,” right? Now, this then led into a conversation about ways in which we both feel like we’ve grown as it pertains to dating and relationships — and as many of you know, I’ve contended that my biggest growth over the past year has to do with me not letting fear stop me from expressing my feelings (good and bad).
He hadn’t read those blog posts, though, so he was a bit confused.
“Wait, so you just weren’t being open with any of the men you were dating before?”
“Not really,” I admitted. “Not for some time now. Sure, I was open enough for them to date for a few months, but there were several relationships that ended with the guy acknowledging that he had no clue what my feelings were for him. I, of course, thought this was strange. We’re dating, right? So obviously, I’m into you. But I had to come to terms with the fact that I was constantly putting up a wall at a certain point so as not to become that girl.”
“Yea you know that girl. The one who seems thirsty or doesn’t realize that dude isn’t really checking for her. The one who falls in love with every single person she dates. The one who puts it all out there all the damn time only to be rejected all the damn time.”
“But then, you know, I realized that that girl was scooping up my man because he didn’t know if I actually liked him.”
“Hahahaha yea, I can see that. I mean, sure we guys like the chase, but if we’re dating, I shouldn’t really still be chasing you, right? What we’re supposed to be doing is figuring out if we work together. If love is in our future.”
And that’s when he hit me with the gem from above. “Because when you really boil it down, isn’t that what we all essentially want? Someone to love.”
I keep replaying that statement in my head. Mostly because it’s so true, and yet so simple. We may not all be in the space to love or be with someone we think we will love, but in the end, I do think it’s what all of our hearts are (at least subconsciously) searching for, in whatever way that manifests itself for you. We all want to (eventually) feel “so high” when we’re with that one person that we can practically touch the sky. At least that’s my theory. What do you all think, though? Is my hopeless romantic side just rearing its ugly head or do you agree?