REMINDER: My Life is Not a Romantic Comedy (and Neither is Yours)

15 01 2014

I have this quirky knack for saying dramatic things when I’m dating someone. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough that my friends like to remind me on occasion that I am not the star of a romantic comedy movie. Well, maybe calling the statements dramatic is dramatic in itself. I would say that they are more… hmmmm… statements with a little flair. Either way, I don’t know where it comes from. It could be from my years of watching soap operas with my grandma as a kid. Might be my love for the romantic comedies my friends try to admonish me about. Could just be that I, at times, envision myself on the set of Dynasty. I don’t know, honestly, but I can tell you that the statements just spew out of me sometimes, and even I cringe after I’ve said them.

You want examples, right? Of course you do.

For example, I broke up with a guy in high school the day before Christmas by telling him that “I couldn’t keep falling if he wasn’t willing to catch me.” I ended things with a guy in college by saying that “Toni Braxton wouldn’t stand for seven whole days without her guy calling and neither am I.” I stopped a guy during sexy time by whisper-screaming, “Please stop, I’m powerless to your seduction.” And let us not forget the fact that I very clearly wanted to tell someone recently the following: “I want to see you tomorrow. I want to see you every tomorrow.” Thankfully, I blogged that last one, so I seem to have gotten it out of my system for now.

But while all of those instances are funny to think about after they have occurred, they also began to make me wonder if I really do try to live my dating life like a romantic comedy. I mean it’s one thing to enjoy them, which I do. It’s a whole nother thing to live like them — which I shouldn’t.

After careful examination, I could see where some of my friends were coming from with their admonishment. Besides the flair-filled statements, I also absolutely find myself in ridiculous predicaments at times while dating guys. I’ve sighed loudly after kissing a dude for the first time. I’ve sizzled my hand while trying to tease someone about thinking I’m hot. I’ve literally been stood up at a ball by the guy I’m dating only to have that same person tell me he wants to marry me 4 months later. I’ve fallen off the bed while trying to seduce someone. Hell, I’ve even arguably had at least two different Mr. Big situations (ugh). And I’ve certainly admitted to wanting to experience my own version of the meet cute.

Yet, after admitting to all that, I still feel like I don’t lead my life like a romantic comedy for one huge, significant reason (other than that I’m real) — nuance. As much as I love romantic comedies, anyone who watches them knows that they are not about nuances. Most things in them are pretty black and white, in fact. This guy is good for the main character. This one is soo not good for the main character. Either the guy likes you or he doesn’t. The two characters are perfect for each other or they’re not. I could go on, but I think you get my point here — rarely ever is there any grey in romantic comedies.

But life? Mannnnn, life, especially where dating is concerned, is filled with grey. (At least my dating life is, maybe not yours.) And I think when you live your life expecting to have romantic comedy results, you forget that. I can admit I’ve done that in the past (so my friends weren’t too far off-base). I’ve looked at situations I was in and thought to myself, well this isn’t some great passionate love from the first glance, so it must not be worth my time. I don’t do that anymore, but it’s mostly because I’ve come to embrace the uncertain, grey, up and down parts of dating. That doesn’t mean I don’t need little reminders every once in a while though.

I think we all do, actually.

Because when you don’t embrace the real parts of dating, you forget that most people aren’t going to meet their honey after their heels get stuck in a metal grate on the street (looking at you, Jennifer Lopez) or while vacationing in London for a few weeks. You forget that dating typically involves this weird push and pull dynamic where one moment you’re absolutely clear about your feelings for this person and the next, you’re like “why did it take him 10 minutes to respond to my text — oh no, he hates me.”

And most importantly, you’ll waste your time not enjoying the real moments you’re taking in with the men and/or women who are coming into your life.

Now, I’m not saying that your dating life should be something reminiscent of a horror story where you are in a constant state of flux. But expecting everything to be perfect from the on-set is just as harmful as well. And it may just make you miss out on something that could actually, in real life, be special.

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3 responses

15 01 2014
brenda

Great points here. In college a friend and I decided we wanted a “Walk to Remember” type of love ((starring Mandy Moore and that Shane guy). She was a good little Christian girl and we wanted assurance that we would also find our great love even as good little church girls. Let me tell you, that movie set me up for failure. I could write an essay about how dating actually went. Hint: anytime you tell a guy you are not interested in premarital sex, most times he takes it as a challenge.
Dating in real life sucks sometimes and its super confusing. And guys say stupid stuff that will send you home furious and confused. And a lot of timesthe guy that is “bad” for you is disguised as a really really nice guy. But I’m not bitter. Not at all. Lol.

15 01 2014
dbaham

Ahhh yes, I know that “I’m a virgin” struggle while dating in college. I did it for the first 3 years and for some reason, was always quite shocked when men took it as a challenge. Clearly I like to learn things the hard way lol… Ironically, the guy who I ended up having sex with for the first time was the one who said he didn’t want to be anyone’s first.

Talk about bad logic.

Anyway, yes — I totally remember that movie!! But I could see how it would set you up for failure if you’re trying to emulate it hahaha. Good thing you learned your lesson 🙂

OMG — I used to tell one of my really good guy friends all the time about how the guys that really screw girls up are the ones they THOUGHT were good, but turned out to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. At least with the bad guys, you know what you’re getting into. When you think you’ve found a catch and he turns out to be a scoundrel, ughh — that can be absolutely devastating!

19 03 2014
Why the Follow-up is Just as Important as the First Date | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] addition to his or her life is urgent. Now that doesn’t mean grand gestures — remember, this isn’t a romantic comedy after all. But small, simple ways that show your interest can be enough to tell someone that […]

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