The Different Styles of Flirting

13 01 2014
Photo: Seventeen.com

Photo: Seventeen.com

I’ve admitted to you all previously that I have sometimes been called a flirt. And what always unsettled me about this characterization was that whenever I actually tried to say something flirty, I massively tanked at it.

Like MASSIVELY tanked at it.

Like, think about some of your most awkward moments ever in trying to flirt with someone. And multiply that times about 6.

You still don’t believe me? Well, here’s a perfect example. One night early last year, I ran into a guy I’d had a flirty past with before at a party. Well, some dranks and liquid courage later, I came up with the bright idea that I was going to say something extra sexual and flirty to him just to see if I could peak his interest again. I’m not quite sure why I wanted to do this, because we never did anything ever but date and flirt previously, but I was feeling extra spicy that night — so there you go. Anyway, I walk up to said dude. He gives me a wink, because he’s one of those guys who thinks he’s cooler than he is. We side hug and then stand there in the hug for a bit and I casually whisper in his ear, “So listen, I think you still owe me like 5 things. And you should probably pay what you owe.”

Of course, now he’s interested, right? But even more of course, I have absolutely not thought this all the way through and have no idea where I’m going with the rest of this statement. “Oh really, and what do I owe you exactly?”

“Well, if memory serves me correctly, I beat you fair and square in at least 3 bets — so you owe me the residuals of those bets.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” he says. “What else?”

“And I believe we also mentioned sometime ago something about a tour of your new house. So you owe me that as well.”

“Okay, that’s four things. All valid. What’s the fifth?” Now, he’s really intrigued, and I think he’s ready to see just how far I’m going to take things especially since I’ve now brought up the possibility of us being alone in his house. Will I say something about touring his bedroom? Or anything even remotely funny, witty, or intriguing? Nope… not this time.

Instead, I counter with this gem.

“Oh the fifth? You still owe me a chance to get to know how your Chapstick feels.”

What? I mean, really…… what??!

Talk about a flop.

For his part, dude actually tried to give me a chance at landing my shot again. “Wait, I don’t think I heard you over all the noise, what did you say?”

Oh, dude — if only. And if only I’d taken his chance and used it for good instead of repeating said craptastic line.

I obviously repeated the craptastic line.

To which he replied with awkward laughter and just said, “haha right. That too.”

Needless to say that didn’t go very well. And I still never got a tour of the house.

So you can see how I would be a little hesitant to take on such a haughty title like flirt when things like that can spew out of my mouth at any time. That is until I realized that while I suck in flirting with words, I am a master at body flirting. Oh yea, I said master. Body flirting is my juuush. I’ve been known to make a Black man blush just by looking at him in a certain way and biting my lower lip. And I don’t mean a really light-skinned Black man. I mean a brown-skinned brotha.

Yep, that’s me.

Now when I realized this, that’s when I also realized I’d been thinking of flirting in all the wrong one dimensional ways before. There’s at least four different styles of flirting I could think of off-hand, and while one of them is not my thing, I think I’m pretty great at the other three. Here they are:

With words: This one is obvious, right? If you’re someone who’s really witty and can come up with one-liners or someone who has the uncanny ability to say two lines and get a man/woman to want you with all their being — this is your thang. Go you!

With your body: Whether it’s with your eyes, the crinkle of your smile, the placement of your hands on their anything, or the ability to use body-space to your sexual advantage, if you can seduce someone without having to say a word… yep, the body flirting is the thing for you.

The friendly flirt: You know how some people say things like, “Everyone always thinks I’m flirting but I’m just friendly!” Yea, no — you’re not. I know this, because I fall into this category too. What you may naively think is being friendly (when you’re younger), you’ll soon realize is flirting when you take a step back and evaluate. Notice how people only think you’re being overly friendly with the guy you happen to think is cute? That’s for a reason boo. Chances are you’re putting a little extra mojo in that friendly bit of yours.

The texting/social media/email flirt: This is that new age ish, but don’t get it twisted — it certainly deserves its own category. As confusing as tone can be when you’re not actually in front of someone, when you can effectively pull off a flirty interaction with someone over either of these mediums with no miscommunication involved, you’re a mack. At least in the new media world — but a mack is a mack, so embrace it.

What about you all? Any styles of flirting you think I missed? And would you consider yourself good at flirting? If so — which category do you fall into?

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10 03 2015
Here’s What Happened when I Tried Online Dating | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] had great success with it, but it wasn’t for me. Plus, it’s kind of hard to flirt the way I’m good at flirting through a computer. And honestly, flirting is kind of one of the most fun things I like about […]

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