Religion and Dating

6 11 2013
Photo: anyiko.wordpress.com

Photo: anyiko.wordpress.com

I am a Christian. But as Christians go, I’d probably consider myself to be a babe in Christianity. Meaning I have a long way to go in maturing within my walk with God, but I feel like I’m on the way.

I’m not running marathons and healing folks in Jesus’ name… but I’m crawling and praying much more regularly about any and everything. And lately, besides my book, one of the main topics has involved my dating life.

Now, I don’t really know if I have a conventional prayer life. My parents always taught us that prayer was simply having a conversation with God. So my talks are very informal. I don’t sound like a preacher. I just talk. Sometimes I argue. Sometimes I cry. But honestly, if you were privy to one of my prayers, you’d notice that it doesn’t sound all that different than the Girl Talk podcast.

Well, it’s less raunchy, but it’s just as honest.

Anyway, back to these prayers involving my dating life. Lately, I’ve noticed the conversation go something like this — “alright God, I think I’m really starting to like dude. What do you think? Is this a good thing? Because I mean, I’d kind of love it to be a good thing. In fact, let’s be real here. I am all about this being a good thing. I want him. And I want him to want me. And I want us to be good together. I’m not trying to rush things, but I like where it may be going…. BUT listen, if you think this is the worst decision I could ever make, ummm kindly shut this joint down right now please!”

Or like this — “So, God, this guy seems really nice but I’m not feeling him like I think I should be feeling someone at this stage of dating. Am I being too harsh? Am I subconsciously comparing him to people in my past? Cuz honestly, the chemistry just doesn’t seem to be there. I don’t want to tear his clothes off at all… Or lick his teeth. No offense…. BUT if you think this is where I’m supposed to be, kindly let me know the real please.”

OR like this — “Uhhhh God, you know how long it’s been since I had a little bow chicka wow wow (probably your fault by the way, with all my booty calls deferred this year. I’m just sayin.). And I’m trying to be good and not move too fast, but if this man pulls me into him while we lay in this bed one more good time, I can’t promise I’ll be able to stop myself. HELP!”

#dontjudgemyGodconversations

So yeah, that’s kind of how I’ve been approaching dating this year. I talk to God about what I want or don’t want (because the Bible does say something about making your request clear, right?), but then I always give the caveat that I understand who the expert is in this conversation. It’s clearly not me. I don’t even know if this is the “right” approach, or if God rolls His eyes every time I start praying. But I do know that it has been helping me thus far, and also that I probably sound like a crazy person to those who don’t approach their relationship with God like this.

But maybe I don’t? Maybe more people than I realize have similar conversations with their God. So let’s break down the religion stigma today and discuss how or if your religion affects your dating or married life. That could be in who you choose to date and not date, how you handle yourself while dating, or anything in between. And you don’t have to be Christian to be a part of this discussion — all are welcome!

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11 responses

6 11 2013
29tolife

I like this post. I struggle with my faith and my behavior and sometimes potty mouth that would probably upset my deacon father. But like you, my prayers are real and sincere. I spent a lot of time in prayer this morning, asking God to help me with procrastination, while laying in bed and ignoring three alarms I set because I was going to get up and study. I figured, it wasn’t procrastinating if I was spending time talking to Him.

I think the coolest thing about God is the relationship aspect. You have to do it in a way that works for you and him. And if you are coming from the heart, then he’ll help you graduate from the baby into whatever he sees fit for you to be.

6 11 2013
dbaham

Thanks! And you know what? I can certainly understand that. I actually don’t necessarily struggle with my dating actions and my relationship with God as much as I probably should lol — I used to, but not anymore.

LOL — okay, your procrastinating prayer about procrastination just cracked me up! haha. You know what they say about asking God for help with things though. He’s not just going to make you stop procrastinating. He’s going to put you in positions where you are forced to no longer procrastinate. And good luck with your studying. woohoo!!

And I completely agree. My mom and dad used to talk all the time about having a personal relationship with God, and I never really knew what that meant until I started getting older and had more reasons to go to Him in prayer for. I get it now though. You can’t just go to Him when things go wrong, bc that’s like only calling your friend when you need something from him or her. I hate those kind of people. So now I go to Him all the time — even when it’s just about wanting to lick a dude’s teeth! LOL

7 11 2013
29tolife

Rolling at you talking to God about wanting to lick someone’s teeth!!! But that’s totally real. God wants us to come to him with everything and also give some thanks too!!!

And you are totally right about treating God like a Christmas list or giving him a to-do list. And yes, oh trust, as I get closer to this test, I’m going to be taking it even more seriously. I’m a procrastinator. So, this will be the week I really shine, because I’ll start getting chest pains, and worrying about becoming a failure, and not getting into the program, then not getting my new dream job, hence not having real control over my life and being resolved to be stuck where I am.

It’s not horrible where I am. But I know I can make myself better.

So that will be the motivation enough.

7 11 2013
dbaham

hahahaaha God knows I’m crazy, girl! LOL… and you know what’s funny? I totally did a praise thanks dance the other day when a text message with recent cutie went well. I’m a mess! haha

Well yes, it sounds like you’ve got plenty of motivation to WIN there!!! I can’t wait to hear of your good news 🙂

6 11 2013
brenda

Love this post. The most consistent thing that I do for my faith is pray. I definitely prayed while I was single and dating and there was a short time when I abstained from dating altogether. And i think I pray even more now that I’m married because it ain’t easy at all. And I don’t think that our conversations with God have to be all formal and in King’s English. I’m always informal and its usually something like, “God, he’s working my last nerve!”

6 11 2013
dbaham

Hahahahaha not “God, he’s working my last nerve!” That’s so real! LOL

And yea, I could never do the whole formal King’s English type of prayers. You know when folks are asked to pray out loud at functions before folks eat? I’m always like — don’t call on me, because y’all don’t wanna know how I talk to God lol. Glad to see I’m not alone though! hahaha

May I ask why you abstained from dating for a short period of time? Was it just to recenter yourself?

6 11 2013
brenda

I abstained from dating because I found myself allowing my feelings of low self worth affect my decision making with men. So I took a whole semester off from dating (or just dealing with guys) and focused on myself and my relationship with God.That was actually the most disciplined I ever was in my spiritual walk. I’m still trying to get back to that.

6 11 2013
dbaham

Ahhh ok, well that’s actually pretty admirable. It’s so easy to just continue going from one bad situation to the next without the realization that you had about your part in it.

I’ve taken little breaks as well that I termed “boy-cotts” lol… but probably the most revealing time for me was recently when I took off from dating from January to May. I didn’t do it with the intention of working on my relationship with God, but that’s exactly what happened. And by extension, I was also working on my relationship with me. It helped…a lot.

6 11 2013
brenda

Wow, January to May! It really does. Toxic relationships can really take a toll on us and its always nice to step back and regroup.

7 11 2013
dbaham

I know, right? In the prime of when I should be dating lol… but I needed it. I had to figure out why I was picking the same kind of guys and why none of them were keeping my attention for very long.

And that’s so true about toxic relationships — not even just romantic ones either.

7 11 2013
dbaham

You know what? Let me amend that. It was January to late April. I forgot I went out with the young guy at the end of April LOL

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