It’s 8:30am on a Monday morning, and I’m struggling (!) to put the last piece of my outfit together: my damn gold link-chain bracelet that likes to choose when it wants to succumb to my will to close the clasp and when it doesn’t. I look at the clock again while trying to close the clasp over one of the links – it now reads 8:31.
Now, I have two minutes left before I have to be out of my door, and this bracelet is resisting the heck out of me. Of course, this isn’t the first time it’s done this, and it won’t be the last. No, no this scenario is soundly on my list of scariest moments in the life of a single, but dating woman.
I look at the clock again and go into a panic. It’s 8:32, and my hands are shaking like I just took 3 shots of espresso. But now I’m determined not to be defeated by a damn bracelet, so I keep trying, sweat starting to creep up on my forehead.
“Damn it,” I cry out, along with a litany of other curse words. “This is some bullshit!”
My whole body is now in a panic, and it seems as if all will be lost when finally, finally (!), it closes onto a link with 20 seconds to spare. I walked out of the door just as the clock strikes 8:34.
Now, if you don’t think it’s scary to realize the single piece of jewelry you really want to wear is mocking you only having one hand to close it shut and struggling to do so right up to the very millisecond before you will officially be late for work, well — I can only imagine that’s because you don’t lead a train transportation life where being 30 seconds late to the train can make you 20 minutes late for work.
And that’s perfectly understandable. But I do. And I imagine plenty of women will find the rest of the list pretty scary as well… so here are my other three top scary moments as a single, but dating woman.
2: That time you picked out a dress for an event or date, started getting dressed for the event, already did your make-up and hair, and then remembered the dress had a back zipper. Agggghhhhhhh!!! The back zipper dress is the worst! Every single woman knows this means you either have to magically grow two extra arms/hands or you have to maneuver yourself like a pretzel so that you can zip up the dress in the front of you, turn it around without ripping any fabric, and still get your arms into it. Add big boobs to that equation and it’s just not a pretty look.
3: That morning you woke up in the arms of that cute guy you slept with (but didn’t sleep with) and realized that your vain decision to forgo a scarf the night before meant hair disaster this morning. The panic that sets in at that moment when you know you look like Don King by the head has to be equivalent to when folks saw Freddy Krueger in their dreams and then saw their sheets the next morning. It just has to.
4: That evening you went to take your birth control pill for the day and you realized you’d forgotten to take it the past 2 days. WHAT?! This is even worse if you recently started the pack, because it essentially means that whole month is a wash. And even though you know it’s a wash, you’ll still probably try to take the two missed ones to catch up, and basically make yourself sick for the next couple days. FAIL.
All of these moments have made me shutter with a chill in my bones even more than watching an episode of American Horror Story. But I’m sure I’m not alone — what are some of your top scary moments? Marrieds can participate as well 🙂