The Elements of a Flirtationship

11 09 2013
She knows... do you? Photo: EHarmony.com

She knows… do you?
Photo: EHarmony.com

There are so many names for the different types of relationships men and women find themselves in, whether that be male and female, male and male, or female and female.

You’ve got friendships, significant other relationships, “situations”, courtships, friends with benefits, etc… And then there are just people you really enjoy flirting with even though you both know the chances of anything ever happening beyond the flirting are minimal.

Those relationships should have a name too, right?

Well, I thought so. And it just so happens that this past summer I found myself in a few of those no-named flirtatious situations. Talking with guys, flirting with them, having fun, but also understanding that due to different circumstances, me and the guys would never actually date.

And thus began my naming of the Flirtationship. It started out as a joke, really, but the more I used it to describe those affairs, the more I realized it was the perfect remedy to the problem. So if you think you’ve been involved in some flirtationships, are possibly involved in one now, or could be in the future — this is the post for you.

1: One of the most important things to note about the flirtationship is that it has to be understood between both people. If one person is taking this situation as very laissez faire and the other one thinks he’s found potential wife material, it ain’t gonna work. Well, it could for a bit, but then someone would end up hurt, and that’s never the goal people. Never.

2: The flirtationship is all about what the name suggests: light bantering, quick witty convos, flirty exchanges, and absolutely nothing more. You can make out on occasion, but the minute you two start actually having sex, you’ve ventured into a different category. The only reason the making out is okay is because I’m assuming it’s happening not in the privacy of your home. For reasons.

Point of clarification — I’ve been told I’m a huge flirt, so it could just be that flirting with someone over and over is enough for me, but not for you. If that’s so, then #2 will probably be tough for you to swallow. Sorry!

3: There has to be some kind of chemistry between the two of you. This seems obvious, but if you’re like me and you tend to flirt better with people you’re not really all that interested in, you can see where the problem may occur. But the thing about a flirtationship is that the flirting obviously happens more than once. And the chances of you flirting with someone over and over who you have no connection with are probably very slim. Word of caution here though: you kind of have to strike the perfect balance of there being a connection/some chemistry, but not enough where you want to date. You know the guy who “could get it” but who you wouldn’t want to take home to mom? Yea, it should be that guy lol

4: A flirtationship can lead to other relationships, but it shouldn’t be used as a stepping stone. Look, I’ve found that if you enjoy flirting with someone and you do it often enough, eventually at least one person is going to consider seeing where this can go beyond just flirting. Usually, though, it’s not very far. Unless you’re aiming for friends with benefits status… and then that’s a whole nother conversation.

So what do you think? Have you found yourself in anything like this before? And am I crazy that I thoroughly enjoyed the ones I was a part of this summer? Speak to me – I missed you guys!

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8 responses

11 09 2013
29tolife

Interesting. I can’t do it. I’ll end up sleeping with them and wanting more.

11 09 2013
dbaham

LOL there’s that… but if you can hold off and not sleep with them, it’s so much fun! The trick is to have more than one so you don’t get caught up too.

25 10 2013
How Single Are You? | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] I didn’t really think about this too much until I was out with two of my girls earlier this year, and the topic of our current relationship statuses came up. Now, funny enough — the three of us at the time were all technically single, but represented different aspects of the word. One girl was engaged, another one single but entertaining someone that she didn’t really like all that much, and then there was me — smack dab in the midst of a flirtationship. […]

24 01 2014
We All Want Love | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] we transitioned…” I actually know just how it happened. We were talking about the flirtationship that I had last year when I pointed out that despite the fun times I had with that guy, I knew it […]

3 04 2014
ncOLe

Think I’m currently having it with my ex. He’s got a plan to find the perfect one, obviously not me, since we broke up already *there there*.. But in the process of doing so, he’s conveniently flirting away his charm to keep me reminded on how desireable he can be.. In case, I change my mind and go back in wanting him again.. Which, if that was the case, he’d be politely tell me that I’m not the one he wanted… *sigh*

7 06 2017
dbaham

Oh no, honey! I know this comment is years late (so sorry I missed it!), but a flirtationship should be fun for both parties. If you’re not having fun, I say get out and stay out. I have no idea if you and the ex are still playing this dance or if you’ve moved on now, but I felt like that was a good distinction to point out. Hope you’re out flirting to your heart’s content these days 🙂

6 06 2017
Bootsie

Yep in one of those now. We are on opposite sides of the country. So it is all done on FB. And would most likely never become anything else. The key is that you both really have to be on the same page. It is a fine dance that requires maturity and clear boundaries. There needs to be enough attraction. There also needs to be the line that you do not cross either sexually or romantically. It is a lot of fun as long as there is also clear understanding from both parties of what it is.

Reading this article helped me understand my own boundaries.

7 06 2017
dbaham

I couldn’t agree more!! It sounds like you’re having fun and boundaries/expectations are very clear. Flirt on dear love, flirt on!! 🙂

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