What Happens When He’s Your All

12 08 2013
Photo: Stevie J and Joseline interview with the Breakfast Club

Photo: Stevie J and Joseline interview with the Breakfast Club

While watching the LHHATL reunion part 1 last week, I found myself in deep, heaving tears over the Joseline Hernandez situation with Stevie J. Normally, I just find their antics crazy and funny and ridiculous, but this time, I could no longer laugh.

There she sat, the self-proclaimed Puerto Rican Princess, and told anyone who was listening that Stevie J was her all. He was everything to her and without him, she was nothing.

And I wept for her – this woman who I’ve never met in my life. But I also wept for all the women not on reality TV who feel the exact same way about the men in their lives.

I talked about the difference between being strong and weak in your relationship a few years ago, but what I didn’t touch on at the time was how dangerous it is to make someone your all. I know it sounds romantic. I know Hollywood and the music industry have made us collectively want that type of romance with movies like Jerry Maguire and songs like Lost Without You by Robin Thicke, but the problem with someone being your all is that your happiness, strength, self-worth, everything is dependent on that person.

And whether you know it or not, that means they control everything about you because you will accept whatever and do whatever it takes to keep him or her in your life. Did you hear what she said about Stevie on that stage? Just a few of the numerous sad statements included…

Stevie doesn’t know how to treat a woman because he didn’t have a mother, and when you don’t have a mother… even with me, I have a mother, but she didn’t really teach me anything. So it’s like anything that I do in life, I have to learn on my own. And then that hurts me too because I never had nobody to teach me anything and he knows that… He does (manipulate). But I also understand that I can’t dwell on everything that he does. I gotta move on… but I do love Stevie, I do.

Or how about…

I’m trying to change him and make him become a better man, because I love him and he’s a great guy.

And finally…

I forgive Stevie. Like he say, I’m like a piece of cake for him, because there’s not one day I don’t sleep with this man. There’s not one day I don’t see this man…

Yo, even Mimi felt bad for her after hearing all that because she knew what it meant: Joseline’s everything was dependent on Stevie. She was lost without him. She was no one without him. And listen, there’s absolutely nothing romantic about that.

PS: If you enjoy reading Choices, Voices, and Sole, please consider nominating the blog for one of the categories in this year’s Black Weblog Awards. You can learn more information about the awards and the nomination process here. Also, the nomination period ends September 6, 2013. Note: Choices, Voices, and Sole was nominated in 4 categories last year by some of our most amazing readers!

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2 responses

13 08 2013
Brenda

I still don’t know about buying the cd though <—-LOL!
I do not watch LHHATL not because I'm so above it all but because we don't have cable. Lol. At any rate, I've heard many of the stories. This kind of stuff makes me feel so sad because I've known these type of women in real life who give up everything for a man. Everything. I worked with one woman who became friends with all her man's friends and when they broke up, she had nobody.
Its just sad and unfortunately its too easy to fall into that. And I'm not even talking about as extreme as Joseline and Stevie J. Remember when Carrie spent all her time with the Russian and no one heard from her? And she almost made him her everything, running off to Paris with that soul sucking loser.

14 08 2013
dbaham

LOL I love using that tag!

You know I didn’t start watching until this season. I’d refused to before, but after watching a few episodes with some friends when out of town, I was hooked! Damn reality TV lol

And you’re exactly right. We see it all the time. I had a friend in college who dropped all her girls, became a vegetarian for this dude, changed her wardrobe, everything – and then when they broke up two years later, she was lost! And oooh good one about Carrie and the Russian dude. She was definitely very close to making him her all.

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