Long Distance Lover?

31 07 2013
Photo credit: sassyhongkong.com

Photo credit: sassyhongkong.com

Recently, while having lunch with MandyPants, she offered up an interesting theory about my dating life. I’d just finished telling her about this cutie I met in NYC, lamenting once again how someone out of town seemed much more interesting than those I’ve been meeting in DC when she stopped me.

“I think there’s a part of you that likes dating long distance,” she said.

Of course I looked at her like a crazy person.

“Why would anyone like long distance,” I asked her. “You tolerate it. You manage. You may think someone is worth it… But to actually like it? No.”

“Agreed,” she said. “But, with long distance you get to have your cake and eat it too. You get to enjoy your life as it is, with little disruptions, but also have the comfort of being with someone with fewer of the obligations that come with it.”

Okay. I admitted my selfishness to her, which she obviously knew about already anyway. So yea, there is that perk that comes with being in a long distance flirtationship/relationship, etc… But as much as I love my independence and my life as it is now, the sucky part of long distance relationships more than outweighs the good.

“Yea, but if I want to see my guy tomorrow for 5 minutes after work, we have to plan this out probably weeks in advance, make sure both of our schedules can accommodate it, and it still will most likely be on a weekend as opposed to a weekday,” I countered. “Independence is nice. But so is seeing your guy whenever you want to see him.”

We continued back and forth for awhile, but I got her point. I really do like my life the way it is and as someone who over the past several years hasn’t dated anyone for more than 6 months, the idea of being in a long term relationship with someone and the responsibilities that come with it can seem kind of daunting sometimes. But I would do it in a heart beat for the right guy. So that’s not why I get involved in long distance situations.

I get involved in them because at my core, I’m still a hopeless romantic who thinks that sometimes certain people are worth the sacrifice, and I never want to question what would have happened if I tried. Admittedly, that hasn’t always worked out… but I’d much rather have tried and not succeeded than spent my days wondering what if.

What do you all think? Are there reasons someone may actually like being in long distance relationships, and is my enjoyment of my life as it is causing me to unconsciously be drawn to men who can’t really effect it that much?

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6 responses

31 07 2013
29tolife

I’m the wrong person to even comment on this. LOL.

31 07 2013
dbaham

I figured you’d be the PERFECT person to comment on this lol

1 08 2013
bpcharles

i did the long distance thing with a guy i really liked and it was fun for all the reasons you listed above. But when I found out he cheated on me, it really sucked because the trust was gone. And I think sometimes the whole long distance thing romanticizes things, its like a star struck lover. You ignore the negative characteristics because you’re too busy pining after each other or whispering sweet nothings for an hour. Whatever. I’m obviously not a fan. LOL.

4 08 2013
dbaham

Ugh. He cheated on you? That’s a total violation of the long distance thing. Well, it’s a violation in general, but with long distance, it’s especially hard to move forward after that happens.

You may be on to something with the romanticizing factor… it’s easy to skip over negative things when you’re so excited to see that person again. But when you feel a connection with someone, how do you just pass it up without giving it a try? lol

5 08 2013
bpcharles

I did the long distance thing twice and both times it ended horribly. Although I already had a horrible experience, i tried it again with Cheater McCheater b/c I really liked him and thought he was such a nice guy. And if I was still dating, I’d probably do it again because I’m such a romantic and wouldn’t want to ask myself what if?

5 08 2013
dbaham

I think I’ve tried the long distance thing at least 7 times now. Clearly, neither one has worked, and actually the very first one ended because he was cheating on me – so I completely understand. Although, only a few of mine ended horribly. Most just ended because the connection eventually died down when we weren’t able to see each other for long periods of time.

But I’m just like you… my hopeless romantic side comes out whenever the opportunity presents itself, and I’m always like “but, but you have to at least try!” LOL… I’m such a sucka for love.

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