Loving Yourself First

13 02 2013
Photo: Bringingspirit.wordpress.com

Photo: Bringingspirit.wordpress.com

“I am someone who is looking for love, real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

In the series finale of the TV show, Sex and the City (and incidentally, one of my fave episodes of the show), Carrie Bradshaw says the above quote as she’s breaking up with her boyfriend in all the dramatic, intense glory that a TV monologue can take on. It’s really quite the poignant scene and signifies the moment Carrie realizes, yea – this ish aint for her.

It’s also one of the quotes I’ve carried (no pun intended) along with me since the show ended. “YES,” I thought. “That’s exactly what I want too!” I mean, who doesn’t want REAL Love? Even Mary J did. And the hopeless romantic in me couldn’t get enough of the “can’t live without each other – love” part of the sentence. It was, I felt, the perfect way to describe what I was looking for in my relationships… and also the perfect reason for the undeniable fact that many of the relationships I’d been a part of had tanked just as badly as Carrie’s did in Paris (and in the city of Love, of all places – ugh!).

“Those weren’t ridiculous, consuming, can’t live without each other loves… so ah well,” I’d say. And then I would move on, trying on the next guy, hoping he’d be the one to finally fit the bill. He never was. For some reason, after all the guys and all the relationships, I had yet to find what I was searching for. Where was this extra-ordinary love, I wondered. And why was it avoiding me?

And then, recently I re-watched that episode. I hadn’t seen it in awhile, so I was like a kid in the candy store waiting for the end where she makes her grand statement. I prepared. I got ready to repeat it with her. I mean, I was amped. But this time, amazingly, after all these years, that wasn’t the quote that stuck with me.

It was this one, that happens a few minutes later:

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, and if you find someone to love the “you” you love, well that’s just fabulous.

It’s one of the last thing’s Carrie says as she’s walking down a crowded Manhattan street, smiling, because after all the pain and disappointments, she finally got it. It finally dawned her that it was so much more important to find that all consuming love within yourself first before you could ever seek it with someone else. And I’d never caught it before. Up until that re-watch, I’d always stopped at her quote in Paris. I’d always identified with that precarious search. This time, though? Thankfully, I kept going. And I got it too.

And I’m hoping that means I’m growing in ways I never imagined. And that I’m all the better for it.

Happy Early Valentine’s Day loves! I hope it’s as fabulous a day as one can be 🙂

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