So I’m sure by now you’ve heard about the
idiotic folks who have petitioned the White House to “peacefully” secede from the United States of America. Of course, to no one’s shock, Texas and Louisiana are leading the pack with several thousand names listed on their petitions.
What has been slightly shocking is the mainstream Republican response to the petitions, which has been to publicly denounce and reject them. I mean, when you have Gov. Rick Perry saying it’s a stupid idea – you know it’s a stupid idea. And yet, as days pass, the count keeps rising and the number of states petitioning keeps getting larger. Never mind that you don’t actually have to prove that you’re a different person or that you live in that state when you sign the petition.
Things have gotten so crazy, in fact, that we’ve now even seen a petition created to strip the citizenship of anyone who signed the previous petitions. It is really getting pretty foolish out here.
Have we forgotten what it actually means to be a part of the United States of America? And I’m not even talking about the symbolism and all that jazz. I’m talking about the border protection that Texans might not believe exists, but somehow protects them from being overtaken by the Mexican cartel every year. I’m talking about the federal assistance Louisianans and Mississippians receive every time a hurricane damages those states. I’m talking about the Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security being used by all the residents of the states petitioning to secede. All that goes away if you’re no longer a part of the collective. Maybe that’s something the petitioners didn’t have a chance to think about though. Who can think about rational things like that when you’re just so angry that that guy won again.
What’s even crazier about these petitions is that they are being created by random arse people who haven’t actually taken these ideas to a vote in the states they claim to be representing. I know when I voted in this last election, there was no amendment on the ballot to have Louisiana secede in case President Barack Obama won re-election. Plus, look at that map at the top again. Even in Texas, there’s a lot more blue parts than one might initially think. What would Austin do? Or New Orleans? Or Atlanta? None of those extremely blue sections in those states would be down for seceding. Heck, based off of the Republican response to the ideas, maybe some of the really red parts would be against it too? What would the residents in those cities do? Would they have to move to other parts of the country?
Again, I say it’s all really foolish. But since these people really want a response from the White House, here’s what I would tell President Obama to say to them (even though I know he won’t): Take Fantasia Barrino’s advice, and go ahead and free yourself. If you’re that unhappy and you think you can do it on your own, go do it. I’d love to see you try.
And then I’d want him to do his gangsta, “I’m still the president” walk as he leaves the podium. It would only be fitting.