If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, then you pretty much know that for the longest time I’ve repelled at even the thought of cuddling. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but more that I liked it too much; and therefore, I didn’t want to share something so intimate with most of the men I was dating/chexing (we won’t get into that being a reflection of those relationships).
I even, famously amongst my friends, threw a guy off me in the middle of the night because he’d called himself cuddling without my expressed permission, and I’d started having the worst panic attack EVER. Like sweating, body on fire, heart racing, “you have GOT to get your arms from around me immediately or I might throw-up” type of panic attack. I think the cuddling lasted for about 30 minutes before the panic attack happened, and that whole 30 minutes felt like pure torture. You can imagine that didn’t go over well.
Well, folks… I think something has, I don’t know, changed. You see, for some reason, I’m not as staunchly opposed to it as I was before. I still think it can be intimate as all hell, but I think maybe I’m not as afraid of that intimacy as I once was? I don’t know what the reason is though, honestly.
What I do know is that the last guy I dated (for more than one date) was someone who I wasn’t necessarily completely and wholeheartedly into. That sounds horrible, I know. Don’t judge me. But even with that, we cuddled all the time! And we were together for like 5 months. That’s a lot of freakin’ cuddling! You would think he would have gotten the same treatment as the panic attack guy – but no! He went in for #thecuddles, and amazingly, I didn’t recoil.
Even before him, one winter night last year, I found myself drunkenly nestling with this other guy for like, a good period of time. Sure, I tried to make excuses, like – “he was just trying to keep me warm” or “nestling is not cuddling.” But, let’s be real – nestling is cuddling’s first cousin. They’re not all that different, and they look a whole helluva lot alike. Anyway, while I was definitely attracted to this guy, we weren’t even dating, and I nestled in his arms. Talk about a huge difference in my perspective.
Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. Most recently, there was an incident during the storm that really lead me to start thinking that maybe my position on #thecuddles had changed. There I was, hanging with my sis and her bffs (we were storm buddies, hunkering down, watching TV, preparing for the worst but praying for the best) and texting with a guy I’d met recently. The texting wasn’t the problem. The problem was that at one point, he jokingly said he wished he could be with me and that storms (not hurricanes, obviously) were perfect cuddling weather. Did I set him straight that that word shouldn’t even be uttered right now when we have yet to go on a 1st date? I didn’t. Did I mention to him that cuddling with someone who’s not my man makes my stomach curl? Again, nope, I didn’t. All I said was, ‘you’re right. It definitely can be.’ And then….. I added a winky face emoticon.
I’ve lost my juju, ladies and gentlemen. It’s completely gone.
Now, I don’t think I’m just going to magically start cuddling with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, but I do wonder what it means that I’ve softened my standards on it. There was a time (post college dating) when the only men I willingly cuddled with were Jake and Cosby. Now, I’m talking about the prospect with a man who I’ve seen in person once. Something just feels off about that.
Any theories folks? Am I losing my mind or is this a good thing? Also, is there anything that you were once strongly opposed to but now see in a different light? Let’s discuss. I may need your help getting through this one.
PS: Four more years! #FORWARD #YESSSSS #HowardWave <— Can you tell I’m still happy?!?!?!