Love Jones: Do we really want the Darius Lovehall guy (or just like the way it seems in the movie)?

16 07 2012

He wrote her a poem the first night they met, showed up at her house uninvited, and believed that everything was urgent than a mother. Are we sure this is the guy we want?
Photo: Gaiahealthblog.com

I know, I know. I’m probably stepping on sacred 90’s black movie grounds right now. And the thing is, I actually love the movie, Love Jones. But after watching it again recently and looking at it from the perspective of someone older (29!!) and currently dating, I began to wonder why we were all so infatuated with Darius Lovehall.

I mean, sure – there’s no denying the cute factor of Larenz Tate. Those dimples completely make you forget about the fact that he’s probably 5’5. And who can resist a man who likes a good double entendre (“I mean, don’t tell me you’re afraid of getting a little wet.”) AND will wake up and cook you an omelet after some good lovin’ the night before?

Not I.

But…. he also did a lot of things that would make me pretty uncomfortable in a real life dating situation. Even if I could get over the complete embarrassment of him using my name to title a very sexual poem he recited not 10 seconds after meeting me, I very seriously doubt I would be okay with him showing up at my door without me so much as giving him my address. I mean, what?! Fool – are you stalking me?

Now, to be real, women do tend to give more leeway to a guy we like/ find attractive. I’ve certainly been in situations where I thought to myself, the only reason he’s getting away with this mess is because he’s cute! But that right there? You took my address of my check that I gave to someone else. That’s not a romantic grand gesture. That’s just crazy.

But it didn’t stop there.

On their first date, he asks if he can come upstairs at the end of the date, even though Nina has already said she doesn’t “want to go out like that.” But there goes Darius, flashing that dimple-filled smile and asking if he can just come up for some coffee. That was definitely a time that he got away with being pushy because she liked him.

And after all this urgency he displayed, what does he tell his boys? “Oh, you know – this ain’t no love thing. We just kickin’ it.”

While you might be willing to take that as just a guy downplaying his feelings to his boys, Darius eventually does begin to show that he’s not ready for commitment – his persistence and urgency in the beginning be damned. His actions throughout the entire middle portion of the movie are wishy washy at best, and completely damage whatever good vibes he brought to the table in the beginning.

Why do you think she’s so comfortable leaving? Because this man who pursued her relentlessly decided that once he got her, he didn’t need to put in any more effort. Sure, Nina was no saint (she did go back to her ex briefly and go on a date with his frienemy) – but word to my men readers, if you don’t think you can continue something that you started in a relationship, I suggest not to even start it. It’s annoying and frustrating to not expect something, get it consistently, then begin to expect it because it’s coming consistenly, and all of a sudden it goes away.

That’s what Darius did to Nina, and it’s why she wasn’t sure if he really still wanted to be with her.

Fast forward through the time they were on a break and Nina comes back to Chicago. Darius sees her and he’s right back to his urgent than a mother state of mind. This relationship is once again something he’s just got to have right right now. And even though the movie ended happily, with them two deciding they would work out whatever they needed to work out to be together, I was left questioning things this time around.

How did Nina know he wasn’t going to pull that same bull crap again? And why is everything so urgent? What if she wanted to take her time and figure out if this was a good decision for her? If I were Nina, I would have wondered if the urgency displayed the last time around was part of the reason for the eventual flame out – because maybe that kind of passion can’t last forever.

What do you all think? Would you date Darius Lovehall in real life or someone you met who was like him? Why or why not?

Oh and ps: I’m totally still going to watch this movie constantly… these were just thoughts I had after watching it the last time. It’s still one of my favs though lol

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5 responses

16 07 2012
29tolife

Very, very interesting take. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie. But I tell folks all of the time that it’s a great movie on what NOT to do in relationships for males and females and how misunderstandings, pride, ego and selfishness and assumptions make asses out of everyone. I’m happy that it was an imperfect love story and that the ending was open-ended. When I first watched it, I hated the ending. My hope is that they did grow up and eventually grow together.

16 07 2012
dbaham

Thanks!!! And I absolutely looove this movie too. In fact, it’s one of the few movies I actually have on DVD, but it just struck me (probably far later than it should have) that they were both extremely immature and not at all ready for a healthy relationship. I used to joke with my friends all the time that I wanted a guy who would get up and cook me breakfast (like Darius) or make me have one of those conversations Nina has with her bestie in the cab about his body whispering her name lol. But I never thought about the fact that it definitely was a great HOW-TO on what not to do. Thanks for that added insight. I’m going to have to go watch it again now lol.

And ps: I love your hope for them at the end!

2 12 2012
Inspired Soul

I agree with you when you said Darius got away with his bull crap (among the female audience) because he was cute and I guess that’s the main reason Nina and Darius couldn’t stay away from each other: they were too attractive for comfort.

A word about Darius: the guy is living on a fast lane, seriously. A man living on a fast lane is much the same with a man living on a slow lane: the former takes it just too easy, while the latter wants everything immediately. I’ve been with both guys and I’ll say nothing good comes out of it. The “urgent” guy will suddenly relax after the first pursuit and start laying a series of demands like you owed him something for being so persistent. The “tortoise” guy will make you waste precious years of your life as you wait for him to make up his mind. He’d come up once in a while to flame up your attraction towards him and then vanish again. Both very exhausting people.

I love the movie, and if I ever want a man in that movie, it’d be the actor Larenz Tate and not his xter Darius Lovehall.

A word about Nina: now this girl seriously messed up. She should have gone to NY without telling Darius anything if she indeed was just “kicking it” because he wouldn’t have told her anything had Felicia come back demanding they gave it another try. By trying not to a player and testing him she came out as being a player with Darius not understanding it was a test. Talk plain and clear: Darius and Nina made their intentions clear to their friends, but not to each other when, at the end of the day, they were the only people that mattered in this whole love picture.

I’m writing a lot, so I’ll just stop now!

Nice write up!

3 12 2012
dbaham

Thanks for the input! I totally love everything you wrote here. You’re absolutely right in that both characters could have done a lot better in their communication with each other, but I guess even in the movies, that’s easier said than done, right?

And I, too, have experienced both the fast lane and slow lane guy. And after having dealt with both, I’d so much rather meet a middle lane guy lol

22 04 2014
What Love Jones Taught Me (Part 2… kinda) | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] About a month and 1/2 ago, I found myself watching Love Jones again, this time with a good male friend of mine. Now, if you recall, I admitted some time ago that while I readily acknowledge Love Jones as quite possibly my favorite movie, watching it as an adult made me realize the twisted logic the movie had me thinking was right. […]

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