Urban Legends: Myths about Women and Dating

6 07 2012

Photo: ocf.berkeley.edu

I recently came to a pretty alarming conclusion: I finally understood why some men call or text out of the blue to see how we, women, are doing. It’s [wait for it] to actually see how we’re doing. The concept seems a bit foreign for most women, but I had the revelation the other day when I almost dialed up an ex of mine.

I didn’t want him back or want to ex-flirt with him or anything like that. I just genuinely wanted to know that he was doing well. Even though I’d ended things with him a year or so ago, I still wished him well, and I wanted to make sure he was happy.

Usually in our day in age, it’s easy to do that. You check Facebook or Twitter. Maybe call up a friend or two. And all of a sudden, you’re in the know and you’re satisfied. The problem is that me and this guy never became Facebook friends (my choice), and we didn’t have any actual mutual friends. But as much as I wanted to call him up and see how he was doing, I didn’t. I broke up with him and didn’t want to seem inconsiderate by randomly contacting him after all this time.

Men, though – don’t seem to have much qualms with this. Like at all… poll a group of women and I’d be willing to bet you that a majority of them would have at least 5 stories about a guy contacting them after it was over. Most times, women mistake this contact to mean that the guy wants us back, but usually (I’m learning), he just still cares that you’re doing OK.

In light of this revelation, I started wondering about what other things we (men and women) don’t understand about each other (but assume that we do). Here are some I’d like to offer from the woman’s perspective – 3 things that just aren’t true when it comes to women and dating:

We do NOT want to marry you the same day that we meet you

I know, I know… this is what most men have been taught since they were like 5.  That all women have a wedding box already created and all they want to do is find the guy to place in the appropriate spot and alllll their dreams will be fulfilled. I’ve had so many men assume that marriage was my ultimate goal with him and that I just must be thinking about how our wedding will be and what our 2.5 kids will look like. Ummmm, how do I put this nicely?  It’s just not true. At least not for all women. This is the 2nd date brutha, I still trying to decide if it’s ok for you to call me after 10 pm… I haven’t even gotten to anything as serious as marriage!

No really, let me be perfectly clear. Sometimes (most times, really), all a woman wants to do is bask in the greatness of being in like with someone. We meet men all the time, attractive men all the time, but it’s rarity to meet someone who meets your physical, mental, and laughing bone sensibilities – so when we do, we just want to enjoy that moment. That doesn’t mean we want to “tie you down” when we ask if you’re free next weekend. It means I may want to possibly see your face again next weekend. That’s all.

You do NOT have to spend $200 on a date to try to impress us.

Look, I have fancy friends. Some people might even call me fancy sometimes. But what I can tell you is that when my girls and I talk about our favorite dates, it’s usually not the ones where a guy dropped hundreds of dollars – contrary to what the Twitterverse might try to tell you. It might be a great lunch date or a fabulous museum date or even just a trip to Dave and Busters. No one is going to turn down a trip to Fogo de Chao, but it’s not necessary to make a woman want you. I’m sure she’d much rather you spend $0 but manage to give her a thoughtful, unique experience than spend $200 and give her tight lip the whole night because you’re mad at all the money you’re spending.

It’s still the little things that make us swoon… not the massive grand gestures.

Tell a woman you’re going to call her before you go to bed that night… and actually do it!  Call her to just to say hi or because you wanted to hear her voice. Show up with one flower when you pick her up for your date. Or mention how you thought of her when you saw something on TV that reminded you of the conversation you two had a week ago. All these things will make a woman putty in your hands. You know why? Because the fact that she’s talking to you and going on the date with you means she’s rooting for you to win – all she needs is a little something to show her that you are also.

Obviously, these aren’t some of the only myths that need to be debunked? What are some others ladies? And men – what are some myths you’d like to debunk from your perspective?




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