Please don’t become a Yes-Man…
Many, many, many years ago (well, more like Christmas 2003) – I found myself in a precarious situation. I’d met this really cute guy while I was home on break, and I was thrilled when he immediately asked me out the next day. It seemed like the perfect thing, at first. I’d just ended things with a guy I was “seeing” back at Howard and here I was less than a few weeks later being courted by this 6’3 sexy caramel drop with perfectly straight white teeth.
At his request, we decided to go see Man on Fire and then get dinner. (Note: this was before I’d dated enough to know that dinner and a movie were not exactly good 1st date plans.) I quickly found out that this guy’s looks were the only thing that attracted me to him. Despite how depressing Man on Fire was (I mean, seriously – it was depressing and DEFINITELY not a date movie.), it wasn’t the worst part of the night. The worst part was realizing that this beautifully, sexy man was the epitome of a Yes-Man.
I was soooo turned off.
All throughout the night, all he did was agree with everything I said. He never seemed to have an opinion. He never seemed to have an original thought. In fact, the last decision I believe he made was deciding what movie we would go see and that was the day before. He was so boring and so “un-challenging,” by the end of the night, I could literally picture him as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz (if he only had a brain…).
I would say later on, this guy was the reason I got back with my “ex” when I went back to school. When he dropped me off back at home, I hopped onto my AIM account (ha!) and wouldn’t you know who was on as well. We were still friends at the time, so we began chatting and I told him all about wonderfully horrible date I’d just experienced. One thing was for sure – he was no yes-man.
To this day, my sentiments are still the same. You can be as fine as Darren Sharper, heck you can be Darren Sharper, and if I can’t hold a conversation with you without feeling like I’m talking to my mirror – it’s not going to work out.
Now I have no doubt that my future husband won’t be a yes-man going into our marriage. In order for us to even get to that point, he would have to be someone who pushes me and challenges me and not someone who just agrees with everything I say. But the other day, I was talking to a friend and he scared me a bit. He explained that he was always told that in a marriage, the best thing a man could do was to be sure his wife was happy and the best way to do that was to say yes to everything for her.
Say yes to everything?? Oh, my stomach hit the floor when he said that. I started wondering, do other men feel this way? Would the future D-Magic just up and switch his personality and become this Super Yes-Man in some horrible attempt to try and please me? Gosh, I hope not.
So in order to make sure that doesn’t happen – let me be clear. We, women don’t want that. Or even clearer – I DON’T WANT THAT. What I want is a man who will listen, who’s compassionate, who’s thoughtful – but who also has his own beliefs, his own desires, goals, ambitions and if everything lines up, we can challenge and push each other towards those accomplishments. And we can learn from each other through discussions, not through just generally agreeing with everything the other person has to say.
PS: Starting next week, I’ll be going back to the 3 posts a week format. Be sure to visit the site on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays!!!