Have you seen the movie “He’s just not that into you”? I know, I know – I’ll let the few men who read this blog get their proverbial grown out right now… got it? Ok – now let’s move on.
At the beginning of the movie, we’re shown a little girl getting pushed by a little boy and then told that she’s made out of dog poo. Her mom, in her ever present wisdom, tells the little girl that the reason the boy pushed her and called her names was because he liked her and didn’t know how to express those feelings. What’s shown next is a montage of clips of women of all different backgrounds and in all different countries, spouting the same things to their friends when they’re older – stuff like, He likes you too much. He probably just lost your number. He’s intimidated by your professional success. It’s because he’s just getting out of a serious relationship. No wait, it’s because he’s never had a serious relationship. Over and over, the women give excuses for why the man is choosing to not make a serious move with the woman.
And so the narrator asks finally : why do we say this stuff to each other? Is it possible because we’re too scared and it’s too hard to say the one obvious truth, that’s staring everyone in the face? He’s just not that into you.
What does this have to do with what the phrase, “I’m not ready” means? Everything. Because even though “I’m not ready” can have many variations, it all basically boils down to one thing – “I don’t want you.” (at least not in the way that I think you want me to want you, because I mean I’d still smash, but that’s about it.)
And yet so many women (me included) respond just like in the movie and refuse to see what’s staring us right in our faces. We, really in essence, take it at face value. Therefore, what we hear is that if you’re not ready, it has more to do with timing than it has to do with me. You’re not ready because you have a lot going on. Or you’re not ready because you just got out of a relationship. Or you’re not ready because for whatever reason – you just aren’t interested in being serious with anyone right now. And so we wait.
We wait, and whether we realize it or not… we wait with anticipation that the guy’s readiness will soon come. All the while not admitting that it was a faulty premise to begin with. You see the thing is that we all know that when a guy wants to be with a woman, he just does it. You hang around enough guys and you’ll hear that statement more than enough times. You certainly won’t need a book or a movie to tell you.
Except that it’s so much harder to apply those tenets to your own life. When it comes to our own lives, we find a world of excuses. When really, the truth is still the truth – if he wanted you, nothing could stop him but you. And if he’s not pursuing you, it’s not bad timing. It’s you. He doesn’t like you enough to put in the effort… and that’s what “I’m not ready” really means.