Silly Reasons Why (People Think) I’m Not Married

22 02 2012

There have been a lot of comments over the years about the apparent new wave of single-osity amongst late 20s and 30s women. I’ve stated on HERE before that they must not be surveying the people I know, but I will readily admit that it is probably more common for women (and men) to wait longer to get married in my generation than in my parents’ generation. And let me tell you, in everyone’s infinite wisdom – I’ve heard some cockamamie reasons for why. When it comes to me specifically, the reasons get even stranger.

Now let me be clear. My family, albeit extremely southern, has also been surprisingly supportive of my decision to be single for now. Sure, one of my grandfather’s called me on my 23rd birthday and explained that I was far too pretty to find myself as an old maid, so it was high time I started thinking about settling down. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was settled down at that point, just not with anyone I’d be getting married to anytime soon, and thus also not anyone who he need know about. Either way, he eventually wised up and got the hint and I haven’t heard a peep from him about that kind of stuff since then. Also my grandmother, his wife, finds ways to passive aggressively point out that she “sure would love to live to see the day” that I have children – but all in all, these comments aren’t that bad. And thankfully, they tend to be few and far in between. It’s the other folks that seem to think they know me that come up with the strangest theories. The church people back home. My parents’ friends. My sisters’ friends’ mothers. Those people, who couldn’t even tell you my middle name, are the ones that seem to think they have all the wisdom in the world.

Never mind that they assume I’m not married because no man has picked me (which is insulting on its own), they also assume that my singleness is not of my own choosing. I’ll talk about this in another post soon, but let’s just say that if I wanted to be married just for the sake of being married right now, I could be. And that’s not a guess – that’s fact. Anyway, here are a list of the craziest reasons I’ve been told as to why I’m not currently married by people who frankly, don’t know me as well as they think they do. And because I guess I need to do this – here’s my disclaimer: These theories are funny, so please laugh. I do. That’s why I wanted to share them with you all.

1: I don’t wear my hair straight. This lady told my sister that if I stopped wearing the pin-curled at night wavy look, I’d be married with kids by now. No lie.
2: I’m too nonchalant sometimes. No man wants a woman who’s NOT going to be all up in his face when he’s done something wrong.
3: I curse.
4: I go out too much.
5: I have my own apt and thus seem too independent.
6: I’m too open on my blog about my relationships. Guys don’t want to be the new Jake or Cosby.
7: I move too slow in relationships.
8: I’ve stayed ‘up north’ too long.
9: I didn’t move back to New Orleans.
10: I have my master’s degree.
11: I expect too much and only want to date suit guys. (Couldn’t be more inaccurate, by the way. I’ve dated suit guys before, but also teachers, a WalMart stocker, a waiter in a restaurant, a physical trainer – you name it.)
12: I’m too nice to people.
13: I’m crazy (my favorite reason of the bunch! Lol)
14: I’m too open about things dealing with sex.
15: I want THE FANTASY.
16: I’m short.
17: I cut my hair last year and have continued cutting it so that it remains above my shoulders.
18: I have several tattoos. (7 so far.)
19: One of those tats is the initial of a guy I was seeing who died tragically in 2007, and no man wants to be with a woman who has an M tatted on her foot unless that M is for him.
20: I’ve done too much on my own already. He won’t be able to ‘show me’ anything new.
21: I laugh too big.
22: I’m corny and goofy.
23: I didn’t continue waiting for Jake. He was going to come around eventually, you know?
and of course, 24: I’m a black woman.

As you can see, some of the reasons are inaccurate, some of them are just plain stupid, and some of them are a combination. And yet, I feel like most single women my age have been bombarded with their own set of foolish reasons as well. What are some of your greatest hits? Do share.

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11 responses

22 02 2012
countryclubbarbie

OK – I am literally under the table at “you cut your hair,” “you stayed up north too long” and “you’re too nice.” Especially “you’re too nice!” I’ve got a slew of people who would beg to differ! Ha Ha HA! #EVL

Oh and I am literally #dead at “you’re short!” The tears are now coming.

You probably should stop cursing. No man wants a girl with a potty mouth. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? LMAO!

22 02 2012
dbaham

lmao! you’re such a jerk!

but yes, these are the ridiculous things that people say to me haha… I’m glad you were able to get your chuckle on lol

oh and by the way, pot please please meet kettle haha

23 02 2012
countryclubbarbie

LOL – I’m just saying. “You’re too nice” seems the most ridic of them all. After “you’re short” because what can you do about that?

And, I readily admit that I’ve got a potty mouth. But, among the millions of reasons I’ve been told I’m not married (my personal faves are that I “read too many books,” my “job is too good,” and I’m “the girl they’ll settle down with after they’ve done all their dirt”), cursing has never been one of them.

So, until some well intentioned stranger or family member tells me I’m single because I have a potty mouth, I’ll keep kissing my mother with this filthy mouth!

23 02 2012
Some Well Intentioned Stranger

CCB – you’re absolutely correct. You are single because you have a potty mouth. You should correct that, unless you want to become an old old oooold maid.

28 03 2012
On Marriage and Not Settling « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] people want to know why I’m not married yet? HA! The thing is, like in that other post, I’m sure many women have heard ridiculousness […]

10 04 2012
Am I Wrong or is “Beautiful” Used Way Too Freely These Days? « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] this point, I finally looked up and because I’m too nice (lol) and I was kinda drunk – I smiled. Oops. Dude slid right on over, taking my smile as the […]

2 07 2012
Catherine

You’re not married because you’re smart and funny. And you really cut your options when you got your Masters Degree…that just scares the hell out of stupid men.

2 07 2012
dbaham

LOL thanks Catherine! If scaring the hell out of stupid men is a side effect of those things, I’m so glad they’re said about me 🙂

12 12 2012
Zara

Lols l loved your article! We should write a book together.
One of my fav reasons is: ive passed the “marriage age” so its too late for me now.

13 12 2012
dbaham

Zara, thanks so much for your comment! I truly appreciate it. Luckily, no one has hit me with the “marriage age” comment yet, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen eventually. Jerks lol.

Funny enough, I’m actually working on a book (most writers are, right?), but I’m always open to other opportunities in the future.

23 09 2013
False Expectations | Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] told you all before that I’ve been blessed with parents who haven’t put any pressure on me about marriage, but unfortunately the same courtesy has not been given to me by co-workers (of all people – […]

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