Year in Review – A look back at my Eleven in ’11

28 12 2011

With less than a few days to go before the new year, now’s as good a time as any to post my updates on my Eleven. You can find detailed explanations of everything on my Eleven in ’11 page, but here’s a brief breakdown.

  1. Finish the rewrite of my book, “BLEEP” and start pitching it again. (Revised – finish writing proposal and start pitching it again) – COMPLETED. I sent out 35 pitches/proposals this year, but this one is also still in progress.
  2. Lose and keep off at least 20-25 lbs. COMPLETED. Lost 24 lbs so far.
  3. Go on 11 dates. IN PROGRESS. I’ve gone on 8 dates so far, but I do have at least 2 more in the plans for the new year.
  4. Get back into freelancing, in magazines and/or websites. Yea, this one didn’t happen.
  5. Find and secure a job that I want to be in for the next 2 to 3 years, at least. IN PROGRESS
  6. Go see a movie by myself. COMPLETED
  7. Increase my savings by at least $5000. MASSIVE FAILURE
  8. Get my bridge (my teeth) done. COMPLETED
  9. Do something different for myself once a month. COMPLETED. I finished the last thing this past Monday when I went to see the Saints play the Falcons in the New Orleans Superdome
  10. Cook and perfect a new meal once a month for the cookbook. COMPLETED
  11. “One of your 11 dates must be with a guy who you asked out.” COMPLETED

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my friends and I are gearing up for Twelve in ’12 now. You can track my progress on my new Twelve page.


Dating Mistakes I Make all the Time (but Essence says I should Avoid)

21 12 2011


Have you ever gone on a date with a guy, thought it was absolutely perfect and then slowly realized he was never going to ask you out again? Or maybe you got through the first two dates, but when it came time for the all important third date – dude went MIA? I’m sure if you haven’t had those exact experiences, you’ve had similar experiences. I may not have had those two specifically happen to me, but I’ve definitely had guys start to fade themselves out of contention before while we’re dating. And while sometimes that just naturally happens because you both start to realize the connection isn’t really there, other times, it’s because of a dating goof we’ve made (yes, ladies – us.) recently did an article profiling some of these dating mistakes and per usual, your girl has made plenty of them. I won’t list them all. You can go here if you want to view them, but some that stuck out to me were:

You Wear Too Much Makeup

Doing so implies to a man that you may lack self-confidence. Looking good isn’t all about trying to achieve perfection. It isn’t about caking your face with so much makeup that you look like someone else. No man wants to wake up in the morning to find your makeup all over the sheets. Think: More confidence, less makeup.

You Check Your Phone Constantly

This is disrespectful to the man you’re on a date with. When your man is around, try to keep your smart phone addiction hidden. It makes you seem obsessive-compulsive when you’re always peeking down at your phone or you leave it out on the table. It’s annoying, and it makes him feel less important. Just throw it in your bag and enjoy yourself.

You’re Clumsy or Awkward

This says that our sexual compatibility is in question. When we’re up, you’re down. We try to connect because we’re attracted to each other, but something just seems off. If we’re not connecting on the dance floor, how are we going to connect in the bedroom? To increase flexibility and become more in touch with your body consider a dance or yoga class.

I’ll start off with something I agree on and say that as someone who totally has a crackberry addiction, I’ve learned to place my phone on vibrate and put it in my purse. My close friends will tell you that this is no easy feat for me, but it is rude if you’re trying to get to know a guy and you’re constantly looking at your phone. Unless you have a kid or another specific reason you absolutely need to have your phone out in the open, it’s just better to put it away.

Okay, now to something I kinda sorta maybe agree with but with some caveats. I don’t think I can be accused of being the girl that wears too much make-up, but that also depends on when the guy sees me. If we’re going out after work, he’s probably going to see my patented “natural make-up” look where I definitely have on make-up, but it just looks like I have a freshly blended face that for some reason has lightly bronzed, rosy cheeks. If you meet me while I’m out at nighttime though, I’m clearly going to have on a nighttime version of this. Eyeliner. Smokey eye. Maybe fake lashes. Possibly a bright lipstick. Would I look crazy if I wore this to a 3pm date on the National Mall? Of course. But I think it’s more about when and where you wear the make-up than anything else.

I also have to take issue with the clumsy statement (and while I didn’t post it here, I also take issue with a statement they made about tattoos but I won’t get into that one.) Maybe I’m bias here since I am slowly, but surely becoming known for my historically bad awkward moments with guys I actually like. At last quick count, I’ve done everything from saying “whew!” after kissing a guy, falling off the bed while trying to be sexy (Alicia Silverstone style in Clueless), sizzling my hand while noting how “hawt” I am, and who could forget the infamous “please stop, I’m powerless to your seduction” moment.

But none of those moments were about a lack of chexual compatibility between me and the guy. If anything, it was because of all the passion between us that I went into high school girl, ohhhh emmm geee, I really like this guy mode.

But what do you all think? Does this list make sense? And have you found yourself victim to making any of these gaffs?

Holiday Gift – giving Hooked on Phonics

14 12 2011

NOTE: Before getting into this post, I want to invite all my readers/friends to join my friends and I on our Twelve in ’12 journey. If you’ve never heard of this before, you can read about the basics on my Eleven in ’11 page. I’ll be posting my final list for the new year in a couple weeks, as well as a look back at how well I did/didn’t do in 2011. If you plan on participating this year, be sure to let me know so I can add you to our Facebook group page.

Back to the post…

Remember when I was asking you guys the etiquette rules of giving Christmas gifts with guys you are casually dating? Well, if only I’d seen this flow chart last year, maybe I would have avoided sending homemade cookies to a guy I was no longer talking to a couple months later. recently came up with a quick guide to decide on if you should give out a gift for Christmas. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Now, the next question – what about Christmas cards?….

Am I Comparing Men to a Bottle Opener? Yea… Kinda.

7 12 2011

Men seem to think they're really simple, when really they're a lot like this bottle opener

I went to a party the other night at a friend’s house that had a demographic of about 15 men to 5 women, and of course as with most gatherings with guys and girls in their 20s, eventually a conversation began about the simplicity/complexity of men and women in relationships.

Per usual, the men contended that they were simple and women were complicated. In fact, after about a 2 ½ hour conversation, the men boiled down their sentiments into this one statement, “For men, it’s all about my time and my money. If I don’t like you, I’m not spending either of those things on you, and I’m definitely not doing both.”

Ok, that seems simple enough. But as the woman in the conversation (and trust me, even though there were other women there, I felt like the lone woman giving her input into the discussion), I attempted to explain how things may seem simple to other men, but are not as simple when it comes to a woman’s translation of the act. The opposite is true as well, I noted. For example, if you ask any woman what the one thing she wants to know when she’s first dating a guy is… chances are most women will say the same thing – I just want to know if he likes me. Not if I throw it on him, will he say yes. That’s obvious – you’re on a date. But does he like me? To women, that’s a simple question with a simple response. You ask me if I like a guy, I’m either going to tell you yes or no.

To men, they see it as a trick question. Well, what do you mean does he like you? You mean, does he want to marry you? Do you mean, does he want to let go of all possibilities for you? Do you mean, does he want to drop everything and only focus on you? NO dude… just simply, when he thinks about me – is he interested in more than just banging but also more than just friendship? If I gave him a piece of paper that said “Do you like me,” what box would he check?

One wouldn’t think that concept would be that hard to grasp. But we (women and men) do this to ourselves all the time. We talk over each other. We debate the merits of simplicity and complexity and we definitely find ways to put folks in categories so as to make the most generalized statements ever. And that’s what we did that night. Over and over, we all made generalized statements about men and women, and I, yes I, stood as the only person wanting to acknowledge that there are indeed exceptions to some of these hard fast rules.

This post is really no different, but I figured it was a fun way to make an important observation nonetheless. After this conversation (and slight attack on me from the men, but we won’t go there right now), I talked to Pimp C the next day and broke down what happened. Of course, she agreed with everything I said, probably more so because we’re besties and tend to think alike in many situations as opposed to being just because we’re both women, but that wasn’t the best part. What was funnier was the analogy I mentioned to her that I’d given to the men.

You see, during the course of that evening, everyone attempted to use a bottle opener very similar to the one shown above. Seems simple, right? Negative. It took like 4 people to open up one little measly bottle of wine, because what looked like a simple bottle opener was complicated as all hell. We were twisting and repositioning and giving up and trying again and all along, I just kept thinking why don’t they have a regular wine opener like this one? –>

Well, I eventually found out that the bottle opener up top was not just a wine opener, but was also supposed to be used to open up beer bottles and the such. Except that more than a few people ended up having to use the bottle opener on my key chain (don’t judge), because again – this simple bottle opener was more complicated than it realized and basically useless (because it didn’t realize how complex it really was). If you’re wondering because you didn’t read the title of the post, yes – I was comparing this bottle opener to the men. You think it’s simple but when you go to use it, eh not so much lol.

What do you all think? Am I being too harsh on the men? Or are you as tired of hearing the same ol “we’re really simple” crap as I am?