Oh, I guess that’s normal now, huh? OK.

16 11 2011

I grew up in a house where my dad knew how to cook. In fact, while I definitely enjoy my mom’s cooking, most people will admit to you that my dad pretty much ishes on her cooking skills any day of the week. But that’s because my dad grew up in the country where his mom and dad cooked 80% of their food from scratch. My dad also grew up with nothing but brothers, but he was always the little boy in the kitchen with his mom.

I have photographic proof of this. I’ve seen so many pictures of my grandmother cooking in the kitchen with my dad right by her leg, one might think that was the only place they bothered to photograph him. It wasn’t; it’s just that’s where he usually was unless he was outside doing boy type things.

So like I said – I grew up with a dad who could cook. Cook well. And not just meat. And definitely not that sad excuse for cooking that Sheree from RHOA had to endure. So it wasn’t until I moved to DC that I learned this wasn’t something that was considered normal. And I only found that out because I began to meet so many guys who legitimately couldn’t cook.

Now my grandfather on my mom’s side of the family doesn’t normally cook, but he can. And when he does, it’s really good. These guys really couldn’t. It was an interesting phenomenon for me, but once I realized that it was just something that I was used to but wasn’t necessarily the norm, I was less shocked when a guy made this declaration.

But there are still some things I’m working on getting used to right now… like?

 Girls pursuing guys

Now, I know this isn’t necessarily a new thing. But I’m from the south, so the girls who did this were looked at as easy and desperate. We called them all kinds of names, but the basic premise was that you either a) weren’t good looking enough for guys to bother to approach you so you had to approach them or b) you were willing to do whatever it takes to get that guy ie: you were easy. No one wanted to be seen as being easy. Even Tupac said, “I hate to sound sleazy, but tease me. I don’t want it if it’s that easy.” But nowadays, it seems to be the norm. And more importantly, it seems to be what guys are expecting. I read this blog the other day that talked about how girls are settling, instead of being the chooser when they are not the initial ones to make contact. I guess… I mean, I understand what he’s saying, but still.

The texting thing

Alright y’all, I’m pretty old school. Not just when it comes to relationships, but also just in life. I still buy CDs (although I do import them into my Itunes). I still have a cassette player (for all the mounds and mounds of music I have on tape). I still have a working yahoo email address that I use and will continue to use until someone can convince me that I get so much more out of using my gmail account. And I still like to use the phone to you know, talk on it. Listen, I get it. Folks don’t do this anymore. We text and email and facebook and tweet each other, but you really can’t get to know someone over text like you can over the phone. And sure, most people will say why be on the phone when you can just hang in person – you’re not 15 anymore – but I for one, am not always available to meet up every time I want to hear the guy I’m interested in’s voice. Is that too much to ask? Really?

The fact that most guys are cool with a woman dating multiple people until they really start to think about

The ultimate double standard.I can’t tell you how many guys over the past couple years have thought it was soooo cool that I was down for dating multiple people, until I guess one night they sat down and thought about what that really meant. Well, that’s not true – yes I can. 4 and counting. Now, I’m not saying this because I don’t understand (kinda). In some ways, I get it. Meeting a girl who’s not trying to settle down with you immediately is like a pot of gold for most guys. They’re all like, “oh snap – I hit the jackpot!” But I’m very honest when I’m dating someone, and I get the sense that this doesn’t happen all the time for guys? So when I say, “I’m actively dating other people,” that doesn’t mean “I’m trying to make you jealous, but really no one else is around.”

No, it means “I like you, but I might like him too and I’m hoping that my taking the time to get to know you and him and maybe him will allow me the opportunity to see who I have the most chemistry with and if any of you are someone I would consider being exclusive with.” You know, basically the same thing that many guys do, but is all of a sudden a problem when us girls do it. Like I said, double standard.

Anyway, what about you all? Is there anything that you have encountered that’s just taking you some getting used to? And am I wrong on any of these fronts? I’ll own it if I am lol.

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3 responses

16 11 2011
S Dot Lyphe

<- a guy who cooks. And really enjoys doing it for his lady.

But then again, I also still GO TO THE STORE to buy CDs and as I've demonstrated for many, many years with you, I enjoy talking on the phone more than I enjoy texting/bbms (unless I don't like talking to you, then it's texting over errythang! LOL!).

16 11 2011
dbaham

lolol you didn’t answer any of the questions! But thank you for your input anyway. Always appreciated 🙂

— also thank you for now giving me a complex about the texting. Appreciate that as well lol.

16 11 2011
S Dot Lyphe

Me saying I handle my own in the kitchen and don’t do textual relationships was me saying that those things were not the new normal, thank you very much! lol

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