“Boy, you think that you know me… baby, you don’t know a thing about me… I’m living my truth without your lies. Let’s be clear baby, this is goodbye… You don’t know a thing about me.” – Kelly Clarkson, Mr. Know it All
I think there are several transitions you go through with a break-up or ending of a relationship (especially from a relationship or situation that signified a large part of your existence). First, you either experience the initial shock/anger/disappointment that comes with it, depending on whether you were the one who ended things. This can last for quite awhile, as you may actually go through all of the emotions I just listed in this one phase.
Once you’re done with that step, you begin to crawl your way out of the anger/hurt/disappointment. You realize life does go on, and you no longer find yourself crying in the shower or getting angry at the mention of his name. Because of these things, though – you might get a little cocky and assume you’re completely over the person. You tell your friends as such over and over again, until one night with too many drinks, all of a sudden you’re the drunk girl in the bar singing Since You’ve Been Gone, just a little too loudly. When you wake up the next day, you realize maybe there’s still more growth needed.
After that, you begin to actually start the process of healing. No longer do you scowl at the mention of his name. You go out. You work towards moving on with your life. There may be times when you miss him/her but largely you really are in a good place. And so you go out some more. Your friends convince you that you’re still not going out enough, so you go out even more. You may even, IDK, sign up to go on 11 dates in one year lol.
And then at some point, you wake up in the morning and don’t think about him. You go to sleep and somehow are not thinking about him. You go throughout your day and not once have you thought about him. And you feel good. This is the most dangerous time. You don’t miss him. You don’t even think about him. But he is still there. And if you have mutual friends, chances are that this person who you haven’t thought about will be right in your face at some point, daring you to prove how over him you are. (Note: the dare is not because of anything he does; it’s just his mere presence. Anyone who has ended something with someone can tell you that one of the hardest parts is seeing them again.)
The other weekend I had a similar experience with Jake. Everywhere I went, we kept running into each other. That’s nothing new and doesn’t shock me at this point. What stung me was his drunken attempts to woooo me. You would think by now I would be used to this. I thought I was used to this. We would both be clearly wrong in that assumption.
There I stood, pinned against the wall by a drunken version of the man I loved more than I ever wanted to admit, being put in the position where I had to continuously reject him. The good thing is that this brought no sense of nostalgia within me. It didn’t make me want him again. It didn’t produce any desire to kiss him, even as he attempted to kiss me… This wasn’t a return to what happened at the Valentine’s Wedding. All it did was show me that even though it’s been a year and 1/2 since I finally ended our roller coaster ride, he still thought I was that girl that would always come back to him.
He thought he knew me, but he didn’t – not anymore.
Have any of you ever gone through a similar experience? What did you do? And how did you feel when you realized you completed all the steps to moving on?