How Dating is Making Me Doubt My Instincts… but shhh, don’t tell anyone.

27 09 2011

Maaaybe they're on a date, but it's possible they're not.

Hi, I’m D-Magic. (Hi D-Magic.) And I’m here because recent events have caused me to begin doubting my dating instincts.

Say what, say huh?

Yep, you heard right. And I don’t think I’m alone in this either. But let’s talk about me first. You see, I met a guy a little while ago who I totally thought was not only attracted to me, but was putting in major flirting work. That is, until I later found out, I was so off based in this assessment that I made Cam Newton’s doubters look at me like, “damn girl – even we weren’t that wrong.” Now aside from the masterful personal embarrassment I faced when I realized I was wrong (in person, of all things – eek!), more importantly, this incident caused me to begin questioning other guys who I was talking to/planning to go on dates with.

I mean, it’s not that far-fetched to think “well if I was wrong about that one, I could certainly be wrong about this other guy, too” and before you know it – instincts are completely gone.

What kind of fuckery is that?!

The crazy thing is, like I said, I know I’m not alone. Heck, I’ve seen the articles online that ask questions like,  How do you know he likes likes you? Really? Well, while some of those tips were helpful in proving to me how wrong I was with the one guy, some of them just had me even more confused for others. They list 7 ways that a guy shows he just wants to be friends in this article, but what happens if you’re interested in someone and he’s giving you equal indicators on both sides of the liking you spectrum? (true story, by the way…)

I’ll tell you what happens. You either a) assume he’s a friend until otherwise proven differently or b) you analyze every.single.thing.he.does. with your girls. Do you know how annoying both of those options are? I mean, isn’t part of the fun of dating being excited for things like first dates? You don’t want to have to assume that the plans you made with a guy are “just friend” type plans until he does something datey to prove otherwise. What that datey thing might be – who ever knows? But that’s what option A leaves you.

The other options sucks just as much, though. Maybe you don’t know what every.single.thing.he.does. includes. That means emails, texts, phone calls or lack of either. Everything. Oh you guys talked about hanging out in a couple days? Well, now you have to dissect the meaning of “hanging out” with your friends. He emailed or texted you “good morning” one day randomly, but then you didn’t hear from him for a couple days. Time to call the girls again.

O.M.G. It’s exhausting! And it drives a sane girl cuh-razy! Most sane people don’t expect to hear from someone who’s not their partner every day, but there you are trying to figure out if that means he really doesn’t like you like you. All because you read a bunch of articles that said that a guy who really likes a girl will want to talk to her as much as possible. Talking to him Monday and then again on Friday isn’t as much as possible, is it? Is it?

Crazy, I tell ya. You men drive us sane women crazy and worst of all you make us doubt our instincts.*

And that’s just wrong.

Why you do us so wrong?

* Not as crazy as Sandra Bullock in All About Steve, though. No one is that crazy.

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