Ummm Please Don’t Disrespect My Fake Relationship. Thanks.

15 06 2011

What makes you think this love isn't real? Because it's a cartoon? hmmm...

This past weekend, I made some pretty big girl steps as far as going out. For the first time ever (Ever? Ever.), I met up with my friends at the club. Meaning, I didn’t get dressed with a bunch of my friends while we pregamed and then headed out to the club, I didn’t go to the club with a group of friends so large we could make the dance floor shake, and I didn’t meet them at the train so we could all walk in together… nope, I got dressed by myself, took the train by myself, and walked in the club… by myself.

To those scoffing at this being big girl shoes, I would like to remind you that I’d never (ever) done this before. Now, the first two parts of this were not all that strange because I have met friends at bars and happy hours on my own, so I treated this time like those… but the last part? It was a bit more intimidating.

I mean, when I think of walking in a club, I think of making an entrance with my girls, surveying the scene quickly, heading to the bar and then onto the dance floor (all while knowing that we’d caught at least one person’s attention). But how does that work when it’s just you? Do you look like the girl with no friends for that brief moment you’re looking for your crew? Do you walk in and immediately start looking for them or head to the bar like, “I got this and I’m owning the fact that I just walked in here by myself”?

Side note: Incidentally, guys can’t understand this thought process because you all go out on your own all the time. But how often do you see a woman do the same? Heck, a lot of us can’t even go to the restroom without having a friend accompany us.

Anyway, these were all the thoughts running through my mind* when I felt the guy behind me checking me out pretty heavily. I turned sideways and acknowledged him (mostly to see if he was cute). Immediately, I noticed he was pretty attractive, small in stature, but cute… so basically, he couldn’t pick me up without falling, but his face was nice.

And then he went to speak to me and I had Jeepers Creepers flashbacks. All I could see were crooked, yellow teeth. I know that’s majorly superficial but I couldn’t get over it. I just. Kept. Staring. At. Them. And he just kept trying to holla… So I was left to do only one thing. Tell him I had a boyfriend.

See, he was a nice enough guy so I figured this was a nice enough way to blow him off. And I expected the usual, ‘but does he let you have friends’ question. This dude though? He took it far. He proceeded to ask me how long we’d been together (2 1/2 years by the way), tell me how my guy wasn’t serious because he hadn’t put a ring on it yet, and ask me if I could ‘help him with his resume’ (I told him I was a writer), which for him, meant we would need to exhange numbers in order for this assistance to occur. After nicely turning him down for the next 5 minutes, I finally got fed up and was like, ‘look, I’m in a committed and loving relationship. He’s the only man for me. Thanks but no thanks.’

The crazy part is that my Metro companion is not the only fella to try and call out my fake relationship recently. A guy in my apartment building kindly decided that I should know that if I kept giving my (non-existent) boyfriend the milk for free, he would never buy the cow. Now, I’ve never told this man I was in a relationship, so I don’t know who the hell he was talking about. And if he’s that nosey and was speaking of Cosby, then he should know that he wasn’t telling me anything I don’t already know.

Either way, both men got my blood boiling, or as we say at home, ‘had me drove, drove.’ How dare you try to come for non-existent relationship?!

RUDE!

My girls, has this ever happened to you? And what’s your go-to thing to say if a guy approaches you and you’re not interested? Maybe its time to change mine… Lol. My guys can weigh in too, if you’d like!

* Well that and thoughts like,  “I really hope this pink dress doesn’t fly up on me or something as I walk through the door,” and “goodness, what if I trip because I’m wearing 4 in heels tonight?” You know, things like that.

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5 responses

15 06 2011
S Dot Lyphe

“Side note: Incidentally, guys can’t understand this thought process because you all go out on your own all the time.”

I’m glad you said that. Because I was about to lol. You really have never met your friends at the club?! I enjoy pre-gaming as much as the next person, but y’all must have never lived on opposite sides of town. Gas is high! lol

15 06 2011
dbaham

LMAO! This is why I made the side note. Geeeeez!

17 06 2011
C

Ha…I had a guy once tell me in college that it was rude to lie about a fake relationship. And I asked him, how would you know I was lying..and he said that all women lie..Clearly he had lady issues but he had a point. Is it really ok to lie or is it better to say thanks i am not interested in you? I think we are all just conditioned to create the fake relationship because its quick and you feel like you are being nicer but maybe we should just start telling it like it is…look dude thanks but no thanks and on to the next…lol

17 06 2011
S Dot Lyphe

I’ve always rathered a woman keep it real with me. I have tons of friendships with people I was initially interested in romantically, but if you have to make up a fake boo to say you’d rather be friends, is it really worth being friends with you in the first place?

Also, the faux boo thing doesn’t really work. Hell, the actual boo thing doesn’t always work. Men are conditioned to believe as long as you leave the door open a little bit, they have a chance. If you say you’re not interested, then you’re not interested. But if you didn’t say yes but you didn’t say no, then you didn’t say no. Which is why the next question is almost uniformly: does he let you have friends? lol I know women would usually rather he have a boo so it’s not like He Just Wasn’t That Into You, but we’re kinda like she’s into him right now, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be into me later on. Unless you just say you’re not. At all. We just handle rejection different, I guess. That’s my 2 cents for the day…lol

17 06 2011
dbaham

@ C – you’re absolutely right. And you know what, I’m the first one to say that we should just be honest and tell the guy that we’re not interested, but when that moment comes along…. ugh, it’s so hard to be that blunt about it. And before I know it, I’ve said – sorry, I have a boyfriend. Like, it almost happens involuntarily at this point LOL

@ S Dot – well, I think there’s two different situations going on here. If I had a friend or someone I actually knew try to approach me and I wasn’t interested, I would definitely tell him the truth. But on the train, at 10pm??? IDK. I’ve found that the questions don’t really stop after that either.

That is an interesting perspective on why you all always come with the “does he let you have friends” comment. I always wondered! lol… so thanks for that! lol (and for commenting twice, of course!)

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