Admin note: For the next few weeks, I will only be doing one post a week on the blog. My goal will be to post on Wednesdays, instead of my typical Mon/Thurs format. I will update when I’m able to change back to the 2 posts a week format. In the meantime…
A couple weeks ago, Ms. Marche posted a quote on her Facebook status that caught my attention; so much so that I had to look it up and find the article and the context in which it was given.
“I don’t ever want to have to depend on a relationship. I think it’s a really hard thing to find love. It’s beautiful. Nothing can match it. But I want to make sure that I find other things in life that I love besides…love.” ~ Rihanna in Vogue Magazine
Like Ms. Marche admitted, Rih Rih isn’t necessarily someone who I find myself quoting. Not that she’s a dumb girl or anything (I don’t know her…), I just kind of put her in the same vein as other entertainers I enjoy strictly for their entertainment factor (Beyonce’, anyone?).
But when I read the quote, I could immediately relate and it reminded me of so many conversations I’ve had recently of wanting/needing/desiring to find that balance between love and……… everything else. I’m not saying I don’t love love. I’m an admitted hopeless
pessimistic romantic, but I find that as a young woman, the expectation is that I should be searching for love… other desires be d*mned.
And I just don’t buy it. Sure, I get the idea that succeeding in everything else and not finding someone to share it with can be empty and lonely. But honestly, I think the other way can be just as lonely.
For years, I’ve strived to be the type of girl and now woman who maintains her friendships, her priorities, and her goals even while in a relationship. Have I always succeeded in not losing myself in a relationship? No. But I don’t think any of my friends would say I disappeared when I had a man in my life romantically. (I hope they wouldn’t, at least…) And I think that when I do see women give up everything for love, I’m saddened for them. I don’t find it romantic. I find it disheartening… because I think,” geez, is that what it takes? Does it really take giving up all your dreams and goals just so you can say you have a man at home?” And then luckily, I see quotes like Rihanna’s and I’m instantly reminded that no, it’s not what it takes. That’s not what it has to be like for you.
And yet, to be such a simple quote – it truly resonated with me, and I get the sense that a lot of other women felt the same way. So why is that? Why is it such a struggle for us to keep our balances when it comes to enjoying love and enjoying other things that so many women have to discuss the idea of even having a balance? I mean, if it were easy, there would be no discussions, right? If it were easy, we’d all be bi-winning like Charlie Sheen. And if it were easy, Rihanna wouldn’t have made that statement in relation to why she broke up with her boyfriend. She clearly felt as if she was losing her balance. There were things she wanted to do, outside of being in a relationship.
I’m the same way. When I sit down and think about all that I want to do (and trust me, I could go on for hours about my dreams and the things I’m striving toward), as much as finding my love is a part of that – it could never be the whole thing. That just wouldn’t fulfill me.
What do you all think about the quote? Does it seem like a bunch of malarkey, even taking the quoter out of the equation? Or are you like Ms. Marche and I, nodding your head in total agreement?