Breaking Bad Habits

21 02 2011

“This can’t go on now. I gotta move on now… But I gotta break this bad habit. Can’t take this bad habit no more.” ~ Bad Habit, Kelly Rowland

A little while ago, C Murder ran across the blog of a woman chronicling her hair horror stories. This wouldn’t be anything too new, except the lady actually went through and showed her pattern of damage she put her hair through every 3 or so years. It would go something like this: Healthy hair, decides to do something different and colors hair, continues changing colors, relaxes hair on top of color, hair damaged. She would receive the shock of the damaging hair, stop all crazy things she was doing to her hair to get it back healthy again, and 2 years later forget what she learned and start the process of damaging her hair all over again.

It was at least 20 times that this woman went through this process before she ever considered to herself, Self – you may have bad hair habits. Once she recognized this, however, she went about trying to correct those habits. But as you can imagine, if you do something long enough (and I think 20 bad experiences qualifies), its not as easy as you would think to stop it.

We do the same thing in our dating lives. We develop these horrible habits, don’t realize we’re doing it because we’re in the moment, and all the while, we’re making the exact same mistakes over and over in different ways. Like this lady, we make superficial changes and think we’re doing something. So she stops coloring her hair a different color every month, but doesn’t pick up the good practices that will keep it healthy. And the next thing you know, she’s looking up, wondering why she has split ends all over the place.

In that same manner, we do things like date someone who on the surface seems like a completely different person from the guy we were dating before, but couldn’t be more similar. Oh, the last guy was a doctor? Hmph… Well that’s it – no more doctors for me. Instead, I’ll date this nice teacher over here. That’s definitely different, right? Right?

I want you to notice that I’ve said “we” throughout this entire post because I’m no different. I certainly have bad dating practices, and while I’m a reflective person and you would think I would catch these things ahead of time… I often find myself just like the hair lady… looking up wondering what the hell happened here?!

So what do you do to break those bad habits? I suppose recognizing them earlier is one key… but gosh, it can be quite frustrating to think you’re doing things differently only to look up and notice it’s the same thing it’s always been, right? And at the end of the day, whether it’s too much color or too much relaxer or too much heat applied to her hair – this lady always came back to the same conclusion. It’s damaged.

Damaged, damaged, damaged, damaged. I thought that I should let you know. That my heart is damaged, damaged, so damaged, so damaged. And you can blame the one before. ~ Damaged, Danity Kane

So do you go to your friends and ask them to tell you honestly what they think your bad dating habits are? That could get a bit intense. Maybe you do like the hair lady did and sit down to make a list of all the men you’ve ever dated and look for patterns. I’m sure they will be there. The question is how easy is it to correct those habits once you realize what they are?

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