Do We Actually Know HOW to Date?

30 12 2010

A few months ago, this conversation went down between yours truly and Pimp C:

D-Magic – So i’m going out with this guy tonight, but I don’t really know if it’s a date or if we’re just going to hang out as friends.

Pimp C – What do you mean, you don’t know?

D- I mean, I don’t know! We’re going out for dinner and drinks, but he’s a friendly guy so it could just be a continuation of the networking we did the other day when we met.

P- Really. (She said, sarcastically.)

D- Uh, yes, really. I mean, he never said, “Can I take you out on a date?”

P- No one says that! (rioutous laughter)

D- Really? Why the hell not; it would make things so much easier!

Yes, that conversation really happened and no, I still don’t know if what I went on was a date or not. And that’s not because it was bad or anything like that. On the contrary, it (whatever it was) was actually very nice. We laughed and talked for hours, almost as if we’d known each other for a while. And he picked up the bill. BUT, remember… he’s a nice and friendly guy and he’s also from the South, so really that might not have meant all that much. Plus, he high-fived me at the end of the night.

You read right.

Hug.

High-five.

So all signs pointed to, welllll… still a pretty confused D-magic. Of course, Pimp C and CCB were sure at this point. “It was definitely a date, fool,” they said. “No guy is that nice. And no one goes out for dinner and drinks to become friends – that’s either something you do with people who are already your friends or someone you’re dating.”

They had good points.

Still, I wasn’t quite convinced. And apparently, I’m not the only one who wouldn’t exactly call herself a dating expert. Marie Claire Magazine just recently published an article about a generation of women who don’t know how to date. If you’re wondering, yes, that generation is us.

But I honestly don’t think it’s that we don’t know how to date. Afterall, dating isn’t exactly rocket science, but between not wanting to be that girl that asks every guy, ‘so what are we doing,’ after a month of dating or folks not being clear with their intentions (and by clear, I mean asking you on a date, not to hang – even though the hanging seems very date-like), I can see how a girl could find herself asking – wait, was I really dating him or no?

It’s funny, because just recently a few of my girls and I were conversing and about 1/2 of the women present either had a qualifier for the person they were seeing or they weren’t quite sure if they were dating or just kickin’ it… maybe Marie Claire is on to something here. What do you guys think? Is dating something extremely obvious or have our typical dating practices cause a generation of women who don’t know where they stand?

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6 responses

30 12 2010
countryclubbarbie

I see you sliding in one more post before 2010 is out! I love it.

As far as dating confusion. I do think we’re a generation of confused women. While I still assert that what you went on was a date, I do believe that 21st Century dating practices can leave a girl all sorts of confused. Especially with all this, I’m every woman sh*t where the girl goes dutch or even pays for the date.

Pretty much, my rule of thumb is that if the guy pays it was a date – whether you guys want to call it that or not. Why? Because NONE of my guy friends ever offer to pick up my tab when we hang out (well, aside from my gay guy friends). The only exception is when it’s agreed upon prior to going out (i.e. WDC offering to pick up the tab at dinner and then I get the next lunch).

Aside from picking up the tab, it’s really hard to tell “what the heck” is going on between you two because, as you point out, hanging out/kickin’ it both look a hell of a lot like dating! And, because, as you also point out, nobody wants to be that girl to ask “what are we doing?” we’ve got a generation of confused woman who are either not taking the guys their dating serious enough or they’re taking them way too seriously.

Honestly, if there is one thing I’ve learned in 2010 it’s that it’s OK to have that conversation with the man that you’re seeing. Whether it’s after 6 dates, 6 weeks or 6 months. If you think that there is potential there and you want to know if he feels the same way, then I say bring it up. One of two things is going to happen. Either, he’s going to tell you (or show you) that “you’ve got it all wrong sister” (as was the case with me for ALL of 2010 – my track record is HORRIBLE right now!) or he’s going to be on exactly the same page.

Either way, you deserve to know.

30 12 2010
countryclubbarbie

Sorry my comment was so long! I just had to get that off my chest, LMAO!

30 12 2010
S_Lyphe

THIS -> “No guy is that nice.”

Love ya homie!

30 12 2010
dbaham

@ CCB, this post was the least I could do after taking a week off ha ha

And no worries on the length of your comment… you know I loooove a good long comment lol. I tend to agree tha if a guy pays for the dinner, it’s probably a date, but that could be a faulty assumption. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I don’t know ish about how men think! lol

I do think you’re right about having that conversation, but goodness… ugh, I just feel like it shouldn’t be that difficult! I HATE having that conversation and I ABHOR bringing it up lolol

@ S_Lyphe – I take it from your comment that you agree with CCB? Oh are you just referencing the convo we had about a certain Beta heehee

31 12 2010
S_Lyphe

LOL! Take it as you wish (and I might have to have you spread the word rofl!)

3 01 2011
Dancing With Myself « Barbie's Dream House

[…] whole conversation left me begging the question that D-Magic just brought up – are we really a generation of people who don’t know how to date?  I mean, here I thought I got the casual dating thing down – lest we forget I was still seeing […]

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