Dating Expectations

7 10 2010

The other day, I wrote about not having dating expectations when I was 19 and I figured today was as good a day as any to clarify that statement. Just as I have said before that I think you learn your needs sexually, the more sexually active you are (whether with yourself or others) – I also think you also learn your dating needs the more you get out there and date. So what may seem like a perfectly fine date at 18, probably wouldn’t still be considered that at the ripe old age of 27.

For example, at 18, I believed that dinner and a movie was the perfect first date. It’s what everyone else did, right? But over the years, I’ve found that it’s actually the worst thing you can do on a first date. Third or fourth date? Fine. But on the first date, you don’t want to spend half of the time you’re supposed to be deciding whether or not this person is worth a second date not talking to them or interacting with them in some kind of way. As for the dinner part of the dinner and a movie date, you either feel rushed because you chose to go to dinner first and now you have to make a certain movie time or you risk a Man on Fire debacle like I had – the movie either drains you because of it’s weight or it’s so long you don’t want to do a long dinner getting to know you session afterward.

Now, of course it isn’t always the case that what was deemed appropriate at 18 is no longer appreciated ten years later. Some dates are universally good or universally bad. A date to the carry-out will never seem like a good idea, whether it’s your very first date or your 125th one.* On the other hand, something fun and active like playing pool or going to Dave and Buster’s always wins.

Which leads me to one of my first dating expectations – probably the most important thing that I want in a first date is to enjoy myself. Yeah, you want to get to know the person, but I think the best way to do that is through laughter and enjoyment. If a man can make you laugh for 3 hours straight, chances are he’s someone you’re going to want to see again soon. This doesn’t mean that it has to be some extravagant outing; you can keep it simple… but boredom never wins. And I’m Khaled. All I do is… well, you know the rest.

The next dating expectation is actually learning some things about the person you’re on a date with (and vice versa). I know that sounds like a duh moment, but unfortunately, I’ve been on dates where after it was over, I couldn’t tell you more than the guy’s last name. You can imagine that didn’t go very far, right? lol The reason this is so important is because it ties into the art of listening and communication. A guy can tell you all night what accomplishments he’s had and what he likes to do and what his favorite cartoon is, but if you didn’t bother to listen and hold that information in – that shows right there that your interest was not piqued. On the other hand, if the date ends and you can fill out an eMatch profile on the guy, I’d go ahead and say that you might like him. I could be wrong – he could just be a talker… but I’d be willing to bet 10 cents I’m right. (and that’s the highest amount I ever bet)

Lastly, I’d say that you need to want to know more. Something about the date needs to make you curious about the next one. If the date ends and you don’t want to know more about the person you were on a date with, if you don’t want to immediately see them again, it may have been a perfectly fine date – but as far as I’m concerned, it didn’t live up to my dating expectations.

What do you guys think? Any dating expectations that I missed or do you think having expectations to begin with is the wrong route to go? Someone did say something about no expectations, no disappointment or something like that. I’m not sure if I’ve decided it they were wise or not.

* And if you think I’m making that up as an extreme, unfortunately for one of my good friends, I am not. Some guy actually thought it was a good idea to bring her to a place called Horse and Dickies on H Street in DC for a first date. If you’ve never been to Horse and Dickies or don’t live in DC, just imagine a place where you can get fried everything that’s the size of someone’s bedroom in the middle of hot arse, humid August. Yeah – never a good idea.

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7 10 2010
Badminton Reviews » Apacs Tantrum 300 Review

[…] Dating Expectations « Choices, Voices, and Sole […]

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