Watch out for that…oooh!

20 09 2010

Years ago, my junior year in college to be exact, I went home for Christmas break determined to have a fun-filled dating life during the month of December. I’d ended my relationship time with BJ a month before then and was ready to get out there and see what the N.O. had to offer to me as an adult (all of 19 years old, mind you lol). So within less than 5 days of being back home, I was out on my first date with this really cute guy. I was young, so at the time – I didn’t really have dating expectations, so when he suggested we go to see a movie and then maybe dinner afterward, I was all for it.

Our first mistake was deciding to go see Man on Fire the opening weekend. I won’t ruin the movie for anyone who’s never seen it, but let me just say that’s it by far one of the worst movies you could use for a date. By the time the movie was over, we walked out of the theater so depressed and shaken – I almost wanted to end the date there. Then I looked at the cute guy sitting in the driver seat and immediately changed my mind. We went to dinner and things only got worse. Everything was “what do you want,” or “I think we should do whatever you want,” or “you tell me,” or “I agree with whatever you say.” WHAT?!

I felt like I was on a date with myself.

I’m not saying you should disagree with everything I say, but damn – please, have an opinion. As soon as I got home, I got on AIM (that’s when folks still used AIM), saw BJ was on there and told him how I’d just finished a date with what I now call a “Yes guy.” We laughed about how that was one description no one could ever give him and a month later – we were back involved. I still blame getting back with BJ on that guy in New Orleans. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyway, that guy is only one example of a dude you should watch out for when you’re in the dating game. Sometimes you can feel like George of the Jungle, trying to maneuver and not hit walls while you’re flying from ropes – so to help you with that, here are some guys I think you should watch out for. Feel free to add on as necessary.

The Yes MAN

The guy in New Orleans was the epitome of a Yes man. He had no opinion of his own, or at least not one that he wanted to share with me, and he made the classic mistake of thinking that if he agreed with everything I said – I would think we had a lot in common. Instead, I just thought he was the most boring person I’d ever dated. No one likes yes people as friends, so why would you want to date that kind of person. Half way through the date, I almost started to just make up random ish like “I think all men should have to wear shirts with their penis size on them for the first date” just to see if he agreed with me. (Wait – that might not be a bad idea, though… hmmmm.)

The Emotionally Needy guy

Okay, before I get flanked for this, I don’t mean a guy who shows you his emotions. I’m OK with that, in fact – I think it’s infinitely better than the guy you have to pull out information from. I mean the guy who wants to belabor topics over and over and over and make things emotional that are not. We shouldn’t have to have a conversation about why I don’t want you to spend the night tonight. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you anymore. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want us to date anymore. It just probably means that I want the bed to myself and I don’t want to have a 2 hour conversation about why I don’t want to hear you snore in my ear 7 nights out of the week.

The Avoider

There’s nothing like a guy who avoids anything that may possibly seem like a conflict – gotta love him, right? This guy will actively avoid everything from making a decision about what you should do that night to when it’s all over, breaking up with you. The funny thing is that most avoiders don’t realize that they’re so transparent. If it seems like we disagree on something and you all of a sudden never bring that topic up again or hurry up and change the subject any time it seems like it may come up, you make the conflict bigger than it would have been if you simply acknowledged it and moved on. I don’t agree with everything my friends believe in – but that’s the beauty of having different minds. We can intelligently discuss different topics and still go out for drinks after with no problems. The avoider doesn’t get this.

The Sob Story

This is the guy who tells you way too early on how he’s been hurt by every woman who he’s ever been with. And by way too early on – I mean, like before the appetizers arrive for your meal or before you receive your tickets at Dave and Buster’s. I don’t know if he thinks sympathy will make you want to make him feel better or make you actively ensure you’re different from the other girls, but either way – it becomes very taxing for the woman. You’re stuck in this date where you partly feel like you have to show him that you’re different but you also feel like, “I don’t have to show him ISH!” It’s too much for a date and makes this guy someone you definitely want to avoid. Plus, dates are supposed to be fun and the sob story guy certainly knows how to suck the fun energy out of any date – even one at an amusement park.

What say you ladies? Can you think of any other guys we should inform our sisters of to make sure they don’t crash into? And guys, what’s are some women you find men should steer far away from?

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2 responses

20 09 2010
countryclubbarbie

Don’t know why I just saw this post – but you KNOW how I feel about a “Yes-Man.” I think the other type of guy I would throw into the mix is the “Intentionally Contentious” man. He says the sky is green just because you said “look at the beautiful blue sky.” Now we all know I enjoy a little love/hate relationship-ness and things. But, at a certain point nobody wants to be with a guy who wants to disagree with you just for the sake of disagreeing with you. Unfortunately, I have two friends now who are dating men EXACTLY like that. One is even engaged to that guy. If they can deal with it then more power to them, but usually, if a person says I look beautiful I want my man to say “she does, I especially love her dress,” and NOT “she’s aight.”

Oh. And need I even discuss why dating a “Drama King” is never a good look?

20 09 2010
dbaham

ugh, yes-men are the absolute worst… but I will completely agree with you about the Intentionally Contentious guy. Neither extreme works well at all. And unfortunately you probably won’t find out a guy falls into either category until you actually go on the date. And then you get hit with the whammy lol

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