It’s Football Season for me TOO!

9 09 2010

Alright fellas, today marks the start of the real football season (not that preseason bull crap) and I can’t tell you how EXCITED I am that the Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints are heading up the season, with a surefire smackdown of that old quarterback named… ummm, ummm… what was his name again? I forgot after we sacked him 26 times last season.*

No, but really — all smack talking aside, it is important to note that just as many man have rules about what football season means for them, women have rules as well. Well, women who watch football, that is. So if you’ve never dated a woman who is a real football fan, here’s some things to note:

Do NOT assume I don’t know what I’m talking about

I hate this. I hate that when I start talking about football amongst a bunch of men, they feel like they have to quiz me and I feel like I have to run down my sports credentials. Yes, I was a sports editor in high school. Yes, I worked for the sports section at the newspaper in New Orleans. Yes, I know my team (s), their key players, their not so key players who make big moves sometimes, their schedules, the lines for each game, etc… So yes, I know my shit. It usually doesn’t take long before the men realize they’re not just talking to some woman who likes to watch men in tight pants run after each other – but it’s annoying that I even have to prove it at all. And it’s a surefire way to make me not want to pick up the phone when you call (and keep watching D. Sharper’s fine butt – even as he sits on the bench on the PUP list).

DO come over and watch the game with me, but DO NOT talk shit about my team

… unless my team is playing your team – then it’s perfectly understandable and we can even make it more fun by putting some kind of naughty bet on the game. But if you’re a Cowboys fan and the Saints are playing the Falcons, you should either be shouting Who DAT with me or staying the hell home lol. It’s just common football courtesy.

Do NOT touch that remote!

Now, listen – I tend to be a bit old fashioned so when my man comes over and we’re watching TV, without even saying anything – I let him have the remote (unless Grey’s Anatomy is on, of course… then, ummm he might not even be over here). But if we’re watching football (especially if they’re actually showing my team on TV, since they don’t tend to do so), you might get cut if you change that channel. At the very least, you certainly won’t be getting any celebratory nook that night or the next morning…. and then I’m really going to be mad, because I didn’t get any celebratory nook that night or the next morning lol

DO come over and have celebratory nook with me that night or the next morning

Do NOT be surprised when I’m screaming at the TV.

I get very passionate, sorry. It’s kind of ingrained in me. If you’ve ever been to my house in New Orleans during football season, you know that I get it honestly. Every single man, woman, and child is glued to the TV, screaming at Reggie Bush to go forward and not sideways, screaming to try and get Tracey Porter to get another pick 6, screaming to help Marques Colston come down with ball in the end zone, and more. It’s just what we do. For some reason, we think it helps the team. And in the middle of all the screaming, my grandmother is probably coughing and talking about how the Saints are going to give her a heart attack, but she’s still screaming lol. Like I said – I get it honestly. I’m a fairly quiet person any other time – but during football (or a Lakers game lol), it’s a wrap.

Anyway, ladies – did I miss any rules to help the guys out for the next 5 months? I wouldn’t want anyone to say he wasn’t informed.

*It wasn’t technically 26, but it was a lot. Ask Brett’s ankle.

PS: Yep, I have on my Reggie Bush jersey today – and nope, I don’t care about this USC/ Heisman controversy. As long as he keeps going fooooorward (and not sideways) and helps us win more championships, he’ll continue to be Reggae Boosh for me! (and yes, that’s a good thing)




4 responses

9 09 2010

While I can’t totally relate to football love (only because I know enough to be conversational, but not dangerous like you) I will cosign the sports rules – especially the ish talking. I’m a Philly transplant but I’ll cut you over the Eagles. And don’t get me started on all the dirty, filthy, pansy-ass Peyton Manning haters. I love me some Colts. And Kobe. And Dwight. And Ryan Howard.

But, in general, the way you feel about football is the way that I feel about College and NBA Basketball, so on this point, I can relate (especially because boys HATE that I usually know more about ball then they do).

I would add a couple more rules to the list:

If I want to go to a bar or lounge to watch the game, don’t get mad, come with. For a couple of reasons. One, who the hell goes to the bar/lounge to watch a sport alone? Nobody. Which means I’m calling somebody. And, it usually ain’t my girls (unfortch D-Magic lives a little to far away to hit up the bar every Sunday). So if you’re 1) up for some fun or 2) the jealous type you should probably come along. And don’t be a stink. Cheer. Yell. And buy me beer. Plus – other men like when girls are into sports. So you get automatic cool points for dating the girl who’s into sports. You win. I win. My team wins.

Console me if my team loses. It’s no secret that I’m a sore loser. I pretty much can’t stand to lose anything – even if it’s not a competition. I’m the worst. And when my team loses (especially Duke and the Lakers) it’s like I was on the court and personally let the team down. So, instead of making fun of me and the Lakers/Kobe/BlueDevils/Lamar (OK, you can make fun of Lamar b/c I do all the time)/Magic/Dwight make me feel better. I realize that I happen to root for some of the most hated teams in sports (maybe only behind the Cowboys – ‘eff the Cowboys by the way). But so what. I’m FAR from a fair weather fan. I’ve been cheering for those teams for as long as anybody (including myself) can remember. So kiss my forehead. Give me a Popsicle. Or buy me some shoes. Just don’t make fun of my team at the moment. You’re likely to get punched. In the mouth. Hard.

9 09 2010

ha ha I totally agree with you on these additions – and you know I’m just as fanatical about the NBA as well, especially my Lakers… which leads me to another point that I completely forgot and know that you can relate to:

Don’t assume just because my team is NOW winning that I’m a bandwagon fan.

Nope, I’ve been a Saints fan since I popped out the womb, despite the fact that prior to 2006 winning was not exactly in their vocabulary (outside of the cha-ching year!). I love most football and basketball players from New Orleans – so that means, unless they’re playing my team… I’m rooting for Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, et all (in no particular order). Get over it. And I’ve been a Laker fan since Magic. Yes, that means I was a fan when Nick Van Exel was a starter… I deserve to wear my purple and gold proudly!

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