Alright fellas, today marks the start of the real football season (not that preseason bull crap) and I can’t tell you how EXCITED I am that the Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints are heading up the season, with a surefire smackdown of that old quarterback named… ummm, ummm… what was his name again? I forgot after we sacked him 26 times last season.*
No, but really — all smack talking aside, it is important to note that just as many man have rules about what football season means for them, women have rules as well. Well, women who watch football, that is. So if you’ve never dated a woman who is a real football fan, here’s some things to note:
Do NOT assume I don’t know what I’m talking about
I hate this. I hate that when I start talking about football amongst a bunch of men, they feel like they have to quiz me and I feel like I have to run down my sports credentials. Yes, I was a sports editor in high school. Yes, I worked for the sports section at the newspaper in New Orleans. Yes, I know my team (s), their key players, their not so key players who make big moves sometimes, their schedules, the lines for each game, etc… So yes, I know my shit. It usually doesn’t take long before the men realize they’re not just talking to some woman who likes to watch men in tight pants run after each other – but it’s annoying that I even have to prove it at all. And it’s a surefire way to make me not want to pick up the phone when you call (and keep watching D. Sharper’s fine butt – even as he sits on the bench on the PUP list).
DO come over and watch the game with me, but DO NOT talk shit about my team
… unless my team is playing your team – then it’s perfectly understandable and we can even make it more fun by putting some kind of naughty bet on the game. But if you’re a Cowboys fan and the Saints are playing the Falcons, you should either be shouting Who DAT with me or staying the hell home lol. It’s just common football courtesy.
Do NOT touch that remote!
Now, listen – I tend to be a bit old fashioned so when my man comes over and we’re watching TV, without even saying anything – I let him have the remote (unless Grey’s Anatomy is on, of course… then, ummm he might not even be over here). But if we’re watching football (especially if they’re actually showing my team on TV, since they don’t tend to do so), you might get cut if you change that channel. At the very least, you certainly won’t be getting any celebratory nook that night or the next morning…. and then I’m really going to be mad, because I didn’t get any celebratory nook that night or the next morning lol
DO come over and have celebratory nook with me that night or the next morning
Do NOT be surprised when I’m screaming at the TV.
I get very passionate, sorry. It’s kind of ingrained in me. If you’ve ever been to my house in New Orleans during football season, you know that I get it honestly. Every single man, woman, and child is glued to the TV, screaming at Reggie Bush to go forward and not sideways, screaming to try and get Tracey Porter to get another pick 6, screaming to help Marques Colston come down with ball in the end zone, and more. It’s just what we do. For some reason, we think it helps the team. And in the middle of all the screaming, my grandmother is probably coughing and talking about how the Saints are going to give her a heart attack, but she’s still screaming lol. Like I said – I get it honestly. I’m a fairly quiet person any other time – but during football (or a Lakers game lol), it’s a wrap.
Anyway, ladies – did I miss any rules to help the guys out for the next 5 months? I wouldn’t want anyone to say he wasn’t informed.
*It wasn’t technically 26, but it was a lot. Ask Brett’s ankle.
PS: Yep, I have on my Reggie Bush jersey today – and nope, I don’t care about this USC/ Heisman controversy. As long as he keeps going fooooorward (and not sideways) and helps us win more championships, he’ll continue to be Reggae Boosh for me! (and yes, that’s a good thing)